so last night i had a very vivid dream about the baby...
it started confusingly (of course) and i was walking through fields with my bff lauren, and we kepy having to climb underneath fruit trees until my hands were covered with tiny spiderwebs from using them to brush away the webs... then something about a cottage with kites in it, and someone's children were there, and a batmobile of sorts that lauren was driving... but anyway later i was having to cross a busy railroad that bridged a river or lake, so me and some other person jumped up onto the railroad and launched ourselves over it into the river and swam ashore (it was kind of scary) and then all of a sudden i realized i had a newborn that someone handed to me with a blanket. i got very upset because i wasn't sure how long we had been apart and somehow i knew that i hadn't fed him yet and he'd been given formula and so i was afraid he wouldn't want to breastfeed. but i held him up and he did with no problem...
this is really personal and strange, but it was possibly the most touching experience i have ever had in my life--i would swear it was real--while it wasn't at all sexual, i want to say it was a thousand times better than the way an orgasm makes you feel. pure straight-to-the-brain pleasure and peacefulness.
so while this was going on i was thinking to myself, 'wow, we didn't name you!' and not knowing what to call him, and then i started wondering when i had given birth... i knew it must have been that day but i had no memory of the experience and i was asking the people around me to tell me what happened because i was so confused. and sad that i didn't remember it.
but the baby was extremely happy, he was giggling and silly and totally adorable and i finally felt what i assume most people feel towards babies. i was relieved to love him so much, honestly, considering how weird i always feel about other peoples' babies...
so. the dream was so crazy real i can't help but ask myself if it was a communication, if matt's right and little bean is really a boy? i went to fell asleep last night listening to a guided meditation podcast, so i will have to re-listen to it today to see if it was calling for any intuitive knowledge to rise up...
it started confusingly (of course) and i was walking through fields with my bff lauren, and we kepy having to climb underneath fruit trees until my hands were covered with tiny spiderwebs from using them to brush away the webs... then something about a cottage with kites in it, and someone's children were there, and a batmobile of sorts that lauren was driving... but anyway later i was having to cross a busy railroad that bridged a river or lake, so me and some other person jumped up onto the railroad and launched ourselves over it into the river and swam ashore (it was kind of scary) and then all of a sudden i realized i had a newborn that someone handed to me with a blanket. i got very upset because i wasn't sure how long we had been apart and somehow i knew that i hadn't fed him yet and he'd been given formula and so i was afraid he wouldn't want to breastfeed. but i held him up and he did with no problem...
this is really personal and strange, but it was possibly the most touching experience i have ever had in my life--i would swear it was real--while it wasn't at all sexual, i want to say it was a thousand times better than the way an orgasm makes you feel. pure straight-to-the-brain pleasure and peacefulness.
so while this was going on i was thinking to myself, 'wow, we didn't name you!' and not knowing what to call him, and then i started wondering when i had given birth... i knew it must have been that day but i had no memory of the experience and i was asking the people around me to tell me what happened because i was so confused. and sad that i didn't remember it.
but the baby was extremely happy, he was giggling and silly and totally adorable and i finally felt what i assume most people feel towards babies. i was relieved to love him so much, honestly, considering how weird i always feel about other peoples' babies...
so. the dream was so crazy real i can't help but ask myself if it was a communication, if matt's right and little bean is really a boy? i went to fell asleep last night listening to a guided meditation podcast, so i will have to re-listen to it today to see if it was calling for any intuitive knowledge to rise up...
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