Showing posts with label child rearing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label child rearing. Show all posts

wacky dreams

oh yes, the pregnancy dreams have been back in full force for months now. they have been getting weirder and weirder, and i think one of last night's was lucid, in fact.

i dreamed that i was at the hospital--apparently it was time to have the baby though i have NO idea why i was there and not at home. i was in my own room but i wasn't having any contractions, and matt was there, and maybe my parents or someone else. there were three nurses/docs attending me, all youngish men, and they did an exam that i remember really hurting, and maybe there was blood involved. it's almost like i was half-asleep while they did it, because afterwards when i was told (or somehow realized) that they had broken my water, i was FURIOUS. i starting screaming bloody murder at them that they did not get consent, that i was not going on a 24-hour timer, that i was going to sue them for not giving me informed consent... and i went on to scream a lecture about that until finally one of them said he was sorry and it was his fault, another was silent, and the third argued back and had an attitude at me.

part of the reason i was so pissed was because i wasn't having contractions and i knew it was too early to do anything like that. the other part is that they weren't supposed to touch me without permission. * i remember thinking that i hoped it was so early that the sac would heal itself and refill quickly. i experienced all of this so vividly and i remember laying there waiting for contractions and thinking i was so tired and it was too early... i am sure i was participating in this dream. i was definitely conscious of all the things i was yelling at the jackasses. for some strange reason though, matt was staying silent. (i don't know if it was the pain killers for his teeth or something like this addresses, but matt seemed pretty disempowered during rowan's delivery.)

there was another less vivid dream about random things in which two of my friends who are already married were getting married at a restaurant and i guess i was helping in some way, though i had rowan there so i'm not sure if i was just in the way. it was strange but not particularly significant. one of those dreams where i can't see very well--i can't open my eyes--because, as i learn on waking, the sun is glaring in my face as i sleep. lol.

rowan had her usual bottle at 630am and then slept again until 8:00!!! i haven't slept till 8am in MONTHS. did i ever mention we breastfed for the last time on mother's day? my milk was basically gone after that february illness, i'm pregnant, and she was never really dying to nurse, so we gave up... and she hasn't tried since. it makes me a little sad, honestly, but at the same time it needed to happen so that she didn't see me giving preference to 'the baby' on yet another thing. alas...

*as i think about this rationally i am tying it to the circumcision thing... i think what i was actually afraid of was that the little guy would be cut without anyone asking us. ????

the birthday, and other things

well, rowan is officially one year old as of yesterday. crazy! she is seeming like such a little girl these days and not so much of a baby at all. she's graduated to walking with just one arm hanging on to a support, so i'm excited for the big "first step" which ought to be soon. it took her about two months to go from first supported step to here, so...

the party seemed to be a hit, though it was difficult to judge from the hostess/parent/spazoid vantage point i was looking from. my uncle showed up with a really awesome bounce house for the older kids, so that was cool. and most of the food (meat courtesy of matt's skills) was quite good. the cake was less fluffy and fantastic than i'd hoped, but the flavor was good. would've made awesome muffins, just not quite cake texture.

karen, lilith, and rowan in the pool


me and rowan in her birthday dress

cuteness. she was so excited to wear that dress...

as for the "other things," i've decided to keep the appointment for ultrasound next week rather than try to reschedule it, mostly because it's just easier to get it done now. it's so strange to have no sense of what to expect--all i know is there is a baby in there (it kicks me all the freaking time)! i finished the stupid antibiotics and the baby is still kicking, so i guess all is well and i assume my phantom UTI is now gone. blah.

also i think i am going to start watching my... cousin's son--second cousin?--this summer, and he's 8 with a LOT of energy. probably a really bad idea considering i'm going to be in my last trimester over the summer, but whatever. we'll see how it goes. she's not paying much but anything is better than nothing and i'm thinking that one can reason pretty well with an 8 year old. i've been searching around for a good set of 'house rules' to establish with him, and in the process i found kiddio.org which is a pretty neat site (added to links on right). all these rules are common sense but it's nice to have a starting point. he's the sort of kid who will trample you if you don't lay it out right off the bat. i hope it goes well! i'm planning to tell my cousin that if i start to get at all frazzled or terribly inconvenienced (pregnant and touchy as i am) we're done, because i need to know i have an out if it isn't working for me. but overall i think it will be good practice to have two to juggle... ;) plus i have been considering taking on a kid or two as a nanny when the baby is no longer a tiny newborn. having a clean, organized house opens up so many possibilities!

lately we've been having an issue with ants (nasty biting ones) gathering crumbs in the kitchen, so i was using some essential oils to kill them but it was becoming a bit much...i don't really like to kill stuff, but they were in my kitchen where rowan scoots around and they were getting into food. so i went to winn dixie (the only grocery store within 20 miles) and was just praying they might have something other than 'raid' and to my great delight they sold this stuff: ecosmart ant & roach killer. it's AWESOME... not that i would ever recommend ingesting it or any other household product, but it's so kid/food/pet safe that all of the ingredients are technically edible and it smells like minty herbs with no nasty headache-inducing fumes (incidentally, it didn't cost me $8, either--it was like $4.50 or something). i couldn't believe winn dixie was selling it. oh and it works too; kills them dead on contact and seems to deter future foragers as well. score!

well, i can't think of anything else to blab about so i guess i'm done for now. here's a closing pic just for fun:

rowan covered in homemade baked beans, practicing eating yogurt with a spoon

hypocrisy.

it's funny how actually being a parent can make you think completely differently than you did when you "learned" all about parenting before you were a parent. i read these comments on, for example, babycenter.com about various things (mostly soon-to-be or new moms advocating total attachment parenting styles) and think "ha, just wait until you are pregnant and have a one year old who refuses to fall sleep at night without staring at you for an hour. then let's see how you feel about teaching them to self-soothe."

rowan has always been nursed to sleep, and i have done everything--since she was two weeks old--to make bedtime predictable, pleasant, and secure for her: set routine, same time, make sure she's tired, nursing/snuggles, laid down before sleeping, etc etc etc ad infinitum. and still she would not fall asleep unless someone was standing over her. she doesn't cry for us at night when she wakes, at least, but bedtime has always taken too long because i have to stand there until she's asleep--which can take a LONG time--and half the time she wants to play for 30 minutes or so in the crib, which would just piss me off. so i finally gave up.

yeah. i was (and actually still am) so against any crying-it-out. it just doesn't seem right. but i am here to admit we did it... and it worked. i really, really had to gear myself up for it because i cannot stand to have rowan upset, but it was an important step for both of us, i think. it was truly less for my convenience than in preparation for the fact that i know i will not be able to spend an hour or more hovering in her bedroom when we have a newborn... and i do not want rowan to associate "the baby" with being deprived of her expected comforts. so we had to knock this out well in advance of baby's arrival, desperate measures or not. plus, she's a year old, she's big enough to know we love her and will not leave her, and her crying when i walk out is purely "come back come back because i said so" and not anything actually wrong with her. i had already tried the modified CIO where you go back in slowly increasing time intervals, and it only seemed to make things worse. bedtime could stretch into two hours of intermittent screaming... hell.

it went like this: the day i finally decided to get serious and let her cry as long as it took, she decided she didn't need me to fall asleep. she let me walk away with her wide freaking awake and she never made a peep! i was shocked. that lasted for 4 days. the day she started crying again when i walked out, i was so heartbroken i just decided at the spur of the moment that that was it. and about 10 minutes later i was in tears and questioning my parental fitness such that matt ordered me to go take a bath to drown out her wailing. it was bad, but i don't think she actually cried for all that long. the next night i went outside but could still hear her, and ended up in the bathtub again. third night, bath, i think she cried for 30 minutes. tonight, the fourth night, she let me walk away! 15 minutes later she cried and i went to tuck her back in bed because i knew she had woke herself up over something, and when i left she cried for 20 seconds. i think we're over it!

so, prematurely, i am going to say it took 3 days of real crying to "fix" her bedtime issues. and she never cried for more than about 30 minutes on any given night, which is SO much better than the 2 hours of intermittent crying she did when i tried the "gentle" CIO method. rowan is way too stubborn for that; give her her way a little and she demands the rest of it... set boundaries and she's fine. that's just who she is.

and there you have my confession. i used CIO. my heart says attachment-all-the-way, and it's a lovely ideal, but reality has a way of making it impractical, unfortunately. i think each parent really needs to evaluate their own situation, their own baby, and the needs of the rest of the family to determine what's best for them. and i definitely think baby's age makes a huge difference in the ok-ness of certain things. rowan is about to officially be "a big girl"... and a big sister too... *sniffle*

*sniffle*

they grow so fast...

what's wrong with men?

(on circumcision. fyi, this chick is making a documentary on men and birth and all that is wrong with the way we treat both in terms of the vulnerable birthing period...)

from: the other side of the glass

What's wrong with men, and it's cheating that makes you ask? Has much to do with the disruption of his opportunity to come to his mother's breast, gaze into her eyes, bask in her arms, in safety, and suckle at will -- when connection and intimacy are disrupted it wires and fires. This is what the majority of males have experienced. Then he has been handled by strange women, roughly and separated from her and most men today were isolated in a nursery crying, being boundary violated over and over. And then, his penis, his sex organ, is mutilated, most likely after being strapped down against his will by a FEMALE nurse.

Circumcision short circuits the neural system between the brain and the penis, robs them of the full capacity to be empathetic. Of course, it still has it's primary functions -- urinary and ejaculation. The circumcized man spends his life looking for the fulfillment of something in his head that can't seem to be completed through the penis, but is supposed to. Its why they are rough and thoughtless with women, even the ones they love. They have to be focused, have images in their heads, and work really, really hard to get what their brain tells them there is ... but can't do it without the nerve endings in the penis. They're frustrated .... it must be HER fault, and her and her and her, Looking for that connection that was lost.

Having done months of shows talking to the experts in circumcision and birth on my radio show, (www.thoughtcrimeradio.blogspotc.om) and listening to men I see men differently. After two years of talking to men about their experience of their baby's birth, after a decade of intense study of birth trauma and the healing of it ..... I'm .... I guess that why's I'm doing the film ... to bring to light the extreme traumatization of the male baby and how it impacts him for life. It's why I'm so rabid about the care and touch and the emotional quality of the team when birthing a baby.

Watch the circumcision on my blog, if you can. And, if you can't it tells you a lot. THIS is the pain, deep, deep pain that 90% of our men carry that is "unconscious" to them, but drives them. Years and layers of years later, he is still crying to connect. He will always act out his breaks in the connection with his mother with other women.
i can see this in the men who have been in my life. please, before you circumcise 'just because,' RESEARCH it and make sure you really feel it is the right thing to do. there ARE two sides, and even doctors now say it's an unnecessary procedure...

sickness and recovery

11:45 AM by rhiannon 0 comments
today is the first day i have felt human since last thursday. friday i woke up vomiting and things went downhill from there all weekend, such that i had to escape to my parents' house so they could watch rowan while i laid in bed. some sort of stomach virus with a low fever, vomiting, and painful tummy... i went basically four days with no food and then i was only allowed bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast ("brat" diet) even though i was starving for food. i lost 5 pounds.

anyway, it was crappy. but it's over now and i feel almost normal.

tonight is a tasty tapas party in honor of a cherished friend returning to town--yay! i'm sure i will make up some of that lost weight tonight :). we'll have to bring the munchkin b/c no one to watch her, and anyway she likes the social life, especially when it involves food.

oh and WE ARE MOVING THIS WEEKEND! finally!!

sorry it's been a while...

rowan is 8 months! she eats like a champ, is still nursing full-time, sleeps through the night, has 2 full teeth and 2 half teeth (all bottoms, lol), she's babbling up a storm and trying really hard to hoist herself up on things. she loves books, playing in the grass (or dirt), and other babies.

karen had her little one, a girl--i knew it--and named her Lillith Ryan which i love. she's totally cute and very alert for a 3 week old. of course i missed her birth because my f*cking appendix decided THAT DAY it needed to be removed. it was awful, and no less because i didn't get to be there with karen for her birth.

i'm still working at the birth center two days a week, and it's great. a little money and a lot of exposure to 1) pregnancy and birth 2) local moms! best of both worlds.

we're hoping to be moving into our new house any day now; final inspection is tomorrow and should be no problem. we'll see.

and the last bit of news... as they say in the world of online forums, i got a BFP this morning. apparently we're incubating baby numero deux! due date is my birthday, of all things. while i was lamenting at first, i realized that it's probably a good thing i haven't got my figure back, since i would just be crying about losing it again... instead i plan to be much more careful about my weight gain this time and actually exercise while pregnant and eat better than i did before. once this baby is out i can worry about getting back in shape for real.

i plan to continue nursing rowan throughout the pregnancy and beyond so it will be interesting to see if she weans herself or not. if not, nursing two babies will be REALLY interesting. as will raising kids so close together...

*rolls up her sleeves and checks her boot laces*

i hope i'm ready for this.

a tooth!

since i last posted about rowan, she is eating solids, sitting up by herself, and she has a tooth! yesterday in the NICU waiting room she had her mouth hanging open and i saw a little sliver of white in there and when i felt it it was sharp! it already cut through, so i'm hoping that is why she was having the night-waking issues lately, but who knows. it's just barely poking out of her gums :)

she's eating food twice a day, breakfast and dinner, and loves it. she eats bananas, oatmeal, avocadoes, carrots, sweet potatoes, butternut squash, and pears. and i've given her homemade almond milk which she also likes quite well. she's teaching herself to pick up the sippy cup but most of the time she just throws it across the room.

she's really cute and has handled my absence lately very well, which i am grateful for. karen and my neighbor have been watching her and she's always good for them. her 'pops' (matt's dad) was here early in the week also and she had fun playing with him and daddy while i was visiting melissa at the hospital.

she's 6 months old (24 weeks) today!



squirmy little bean

when we chose her name a friend made a pretty funny connection that had not occurred to me... as i was calling her "little bean" at the beginning, and we settled on rowan as her name, he mentioned that it was pretty ridiculous to name her the same as the actor who plays "Mr. Bean" (yes, his name is rowan *sigh*) and call her little bean. ah, coincidences. so now she is officially little miss bean for more reasons than one.

she recently started this weird thing where she kicks her legs wildly and rubs her feet together but the rest of her doesn't move, so it looks like she is trying to riverdance. it's really, really funny except that it gets her all worked up when she does it in protest of being put in the crib (or whatever). she's very ticklish now too! there are spots on her tummy, ribs, and back that make her shove her fist into her mouth, squeal, and hunch down over herself with laughter. it's pretty cute.

she's also been 'singing' to herself for a few weeks now. it started with just ahhhh vocalizations but has progressed into higher-pitched, more controlled experimentations; she even goes up and down in tone and volume deliberately now. every now and then it's obvious she's made a sound that surprises her, which is pretty funny. she also blows raspberries and spits bubbles a lot recently. she thinks she's totally hot stuff because she can sit up almost by herself and she always wants to pull herself to standing when we hold her hands.

so we've started solids here and there too, but since matt hasn't butchered a rabbit lately i've given her egg yolks (not really a fan), sweet potato (ok), and peaches (a hit). she's still sort of ambivalent about eating but after the peaches today i think she'll be more into it. i had a strange intuitive moment last night while nursing at some ungodly hour--similar to the day i realized she was bored--and i think she needs more than breastmilk now. i know they say it's enough for the first year, and that's fine, but i just got the feeling she is hungrier than she used to be and milk ain't cutting it. i'm trying to avoid cereals for a while (oatmeal MAY be an exception) but everything else is game. as soon as we have a fresh rabbit we'll try meat. oh and matt's mom sent us this beaba babycook which i used for the first time yesterday--it's great! i'm definitely not going to used jarred babyfood, so anything that simplifies the process of making it myself is welcome. the babycook steams and purees in one handy compartment, and it's small enough to not be a nuisance on the counter.

oh we also got her a walker, or rather my parents did... i'm feeling like i already said this... checking... ok nope... but she can't quite touch the ground. she likes it though, and i have high hopes for her impending mobility.

crap, she just woke up. this is becoming a nasty habit, waking before midnight lately. why?! *sigh* our quiet nights are slowly falling by the wayside and i don't know why. gotta go.



19 weeks with grammy and grumpy

solids, sleep, and playtime; thoughts.

the past couple of days have been hell around nap time, and even bedtime, shockingly. i don't know what crawled up rowans butt, but naps ain't happening. she has always been pretty good with them; i.e., she gets tired and falls asleep nursing, i put her in the crib, she naps from 30min-2 hours depending. usually twice a day. lately things go south at step two and end with her screaming until i take her out and say "ok, no nap." she might've gotten 1 or 2 in there recently but not long ones and not worth remembering. bedtime the past two nights has been similar, though we're still getting her to sleep before 8pm... tonight she magically went right out with no fussing (as is her usual manner, the angel) so i'm hoping that at least is over, but we'll see. i don't know if she's having a growth spurt or starting teething or what, but as of tomorrow we institute structured nap time to see if that helps!

as i was explaining/complaining about all this to my mom on the phone, she asked whether i thought it would help to try giving rowan cereal, and for the first time i really pondered the question and came up with a surprising (and slightly distressing) response: why? why on earth would anybody give a baby processed, nutritionally-useless starch rice-product? as one clever poster on a random forum said "it's sweetened wallpaper paste with a vitamin pill mixed in."

this distresses me because i recently suggested it to a friend with a 6 month old who won't sleep through the night--the age-old remedy, give 'em cereal. it worked--and now i regret it as i strongly question the wisdom of taking up stomach space meant for breastmilk with an empty filler akin to soy protein in dog food or "earthworms in the hamburgers." i wish i had kept my damned mouth shut! all i can do is hope the poor kid doesn't suffer from my stupidity... i was just trying to help his mama.

from msnbc, of all mainstream sources:
Dr. David Ludwig of Children's Hospital Boston, a specialist in pediatric nutrition, says some studies suggest rice and other highly processed grain cereals actually could be among the worst foods for infants.

"These foods are in a certain sense no different from adding sugar to formula. They digest very rapidly in the body into sugar, raising blood sugar and insulin levels" and could contribute to later health problems, including obesity, he says.

*sigh*

and if that wasn't bad enough, i, ex-vegan turned...something vegetarianish...have decided that the first food(s) rowan should have are homegrown egg yolks and pureed rabbit from our backyard 'herd.' horrifying, i know. but the fact is meat IS more nutritious than any cereal i could give her, and knowing exactly where it came from and what it ate and how humanely it was cared for and slaughtered, i feel ok with that. of course i am going to give her good things like avocados, sweet potatoes, and plenty of coconut meat and oil as well, but i think rabbit will be her first food. (there is scientific basis for introducing meats first.) interestingly enough, the only real "risk" of feeding anyone too much rabbit is the fact that it is so lean. you can die from only eating rabbit if you have no other source of fat in your diet. good thing breastmilk is so rich in the stuff!

so anyway, i'm thinking about solids now. rowan is 14 weeks, she can't sit up all by herself yet and i think she still does that extrusion thing with her tongue, so we've got a little while... but i'm thinking ahead. i have been giving her tastes of things, like watermelon, peaches, maple syrup... but just touching her tongue with it. the peaches were frozen though, so that was pretty funny. she was very confused by the coldness of it and couldn't decide if she liked it or not. here is a list of things i want to make for her when the time comes:

- rabbit pate (with livers, maybe some chicken too if mel+james continue to eat their roosters)
- avocado, bananas, carrots, etc, as is or steamed and mashed (i cannot wait to see what she looks like after eating mashed beets, rofl)
- boiled fruit purees
- fermented sweet potatoes
- breastmilk custard/pudding
- breastmilk yogurt

naturally i do not intend to buy jars of baby food at the store, because i'm stubborn like that. i also have no problem taking whatever we're eating and mashing it up for her, nor do i agree that babies shouldn't have spices or natural salt (sugar, eh, i don't know). babies in india eat curry, babies in mexico eat jalapenos, right? american babies get fed boring, tasteless crap! i'm going to save her from that snoozefest.

i noticed all of a sudden the other day that she seemed bored... like out of nowhere, i got the sense that the fussing and wanting to nurse she was doing was purely because she had nothing more interesting to do. at that moment i realized i didn't have anything interesting or stimulating for her (other than dancing around, singing, or reading books, which we'd already done that day). parenting crisis ensued, and i rushed to craigslist to see what was out there in terms of baby-entertaining devices. a few hits, but i had trouble deciding and contacting anybody, so as of right now i think i am picking up a walker tomorrow.* in the meantime, however, i was frantic and found myself at walmart using up a gift card we were given on buying an exersaucer/jumper hybrid thing. the seat swivels 360deg and the platform underneath is a bouncey thing but can be stabilized with books underneath it. the only problem is that she is really too small for it! i stacked books up so high the platform is almost popping off its holders and stuffed her in there with blankets to support her, and she's still a little wobbly. it's cute though, and she seemed to like it a good bit. definitely got her attention with the dangly toys :). i hate to buy cheap chinese plastic crap--especially new--but i was desperate and it fit on my gift card.

so it's late and i'm tired and need to pump, but i have more to say... photos, parenting forums, and something off-topic that i can't remember right now. i'll get to it later.


*yes, i said a walker. yes, i know they are "bad" nowadays. i'm annoyed as can be that the main reason that walkers are considered a no-no is that since they started making them "safer" (i.e., bigger, heavier, and generally less baby-friendly) they obscure baby's view of her feet and thus her connection to the fact that her feet are causing her to move... she doesn't get the spatial learning that would otherwise come from seeing how her body interacts with the floor. hence the delays in motor development--which dissipate upon beginning to walk, by the way. so anyway i'm forced to buy a newfangled piece of crap that may or may not impede her reaching the crawling stage, but the fact is i think she wants to move around. so we'll see--i just have to make sure she gets enough tummy time to counterbalance it. except she hates tummy time.

the no-cry sleep solution, again

IT WORKS! seriously. awesome.

just wanted to say that.

2 months

wow, i can't believe she's been here two months already--and i can't believe it's only been two months! seems like she's been in our lives forever...

things are really great despite having had no income for the last two weeks (or the next two for that matter...); rowan is such a good baby and we have really settled into an understanding, if not a full-on schedule. last night was her first night sleeping alone in her bedroom and she did great. i'm working on helping her learn to fall asleep on her own; up until now she has always nursed all the way into sleep, and it caused trouble when i'd put her down because she would wake up instantly and start crying to nurse again. so we're using the techniques from the no-cry sleep solution and even after just two nights i can tell she's learning/accepting that sleep can come without the help of my boobs. lol. it was weird to go to bed without her just a few feet away though--i kind of missed her. *sigh* evolution did a really good job ensuring moms would attach to their babies...

our typical day right now goes like this:

wake up around 730, may or may not get out of bed (if not, she's in bed with me nursing while i rest). when we finally do get up, diaper change and then she gets playtime in the swing or bouncer while i make coffee and eat breakfast. then we hang out...we dance, go for a walk, play cooing games, etc for as long as she will tolerate it.

nurse again, then usually she naps for an hour or so (11am-1pm on a good day) while i do the day's chores

she wakes up, nurses, then playtime again until around 3pm or so when she usually nurses and then naps again until 5pm. repeat, but replace playtime with daddy-time while i make dinner.

bedtime routine starts between 7-730pm: she gets a bath, then swaddled, then we nurse and sing in the rocking chair for 20-30 minutes or until she falls asleep, at which time i put her in the crib and start the "no-cry" techniques (assuming she is awake, which she usually is). she falls asleep by 830pm 99% of the time.

wake up around 2am for a nighttime feeding, and again around 5am. by this point i usually bring her to bed with me and let her nurse at will until i feel like getting out of bed...

all in all, it's nice. she's very regular unless something interrupts her, though even through a day at the mall all today she slept on her usual schedule. two perfect naps and in bed at 730. she's awesome.

i wanted to update my feelings on cloth diapers too--i still love them, but dappi covers aren't our main staple anymore (they were just too big and the velcro kept scratching her as a result). i had a single gdiaper that was my favorite, so i was looking on ebay for a used lot of them when i stumbled on a $30 off coupon someone had posted! i went to the gdiapers site and managed to get a $70 box of 6--which is about 4 more than we need--for only $40! freakin' fantastic, and i have to say these diapers are awesome. i don't use the flushable bits because we are on septic, so i use a prefold stuffed in there instead and it works like a charm. i highly recommend these diapers as they create hardly any laundry, the covers almost never get soiled, and the plastic liners are really quick to wash out when they get messy. plus they fit well! the only downside is they are definitely pricey; but it's a worthy investment. i will be buying more when she outgrows the ones we have.

also: breastpumps. i bought a medela pump-in-style on ebay ($70 all told; they normally cost $300!) and i LOVE it. it's quick and very effective, plus it's adjustable in terms of suction power and speed. i can drain myself in about 7 minutes with that thing which will come in very handy at work. and i think it has helped me increase milk production.

speaking of which, i have been drinking the traditional medicinals mother's milk tea since the beginning, and i do think it has helped a bit (i chug about a quart or so a day b/c i make a big batch and pop it in the fridge), but i wanted a more powerful increase since i know i will be having to pump a lot soon... so i started taking some fenugreek tincture. it worked, and i smelled like maple syrup, but watch out! it gave me and rowan both terrible gas, and she was miserable for a few days as a result. so i had to quit it, unfortunately, but it definitely upped my production. i'm trying to maintain the increase by pumping as much as i can.

and finally, work. *sigh* i am going back part time starting next week, i just have to figure out when and how many hours. my mom will most likely be taking care of rowan while i am away, since matt is back at the hipp next week full-time *growl* so at least she will have a loving caretaker... but i still don't really like it. i just don't have a choice. so today my sister and i went to the mall and i spent a $50 gift card i had on some shirts, a fabulous lip color that i plan to wear every single day, and a new pair of shoes (same as an old pair i wore out). it was nice--i haven't bought clothing since november, and i was pregnant then. made me feel a little more positive about going back to work.

i'm also actively beginning some "anti-aging" skin treatments since i realize now how easy it is to completely neglect myself in favor of the baby, and how easy it is to become a frumpy soccer-mom type... i'm on guard now. i'm back to a largely raw diet, i'm going to the gym regularly (30 pounds takes a long time to come off), and it's time to get serious about my skin, since it's obvious i'm not 21 anymore. i broke down and bought a commercial product but now i think my own concoction will actually be better in the end... we'll see.

so that's about it... not much, but at the same time a lot. rowan is growing so fast it's scary.

rowan, 7 weeks

to cry or not to cry

of all the things i could be worrying about regarding birth, babies, and child-rearing, the one thing that concerns me the most is how to deal with bedtime. frankly, i'm scared. i'm scared of having an uber-dependent child (possible) and i'm scared of finding that i want her to be uber-dependent (unlikely). but after reading quite a bit from other moms i just don't know what to think.

the two polar-opposite opinions go like this, and they both appall me, honestly:

cry-it-out
just like it sounds. it's bedtime, you put them down, and they deal. maybe it takes weeks of a screaming, tantruming, distressed little kid, but eventually they learn to "self-soothe" and all is (presumably) well. except they may have lasting anxiety problems or a preponderance to PTSD down the line?? i know my parents and their parents used this method, to some extent, on me and my cousins. seemed to work ok, but watch out--you will be criticized for being a cruel, heartless mother if you join any parenting forums and actually admit to using CIO. attachment parenting is the "in" thing these days. it does seem pretty effed-up to let a baby cry--its only means of communication--and not respond, however. i'm not sure i could or would want to do that.

parent-to-sleep or co-sleeping
co-sleeping is again, self-explanatory. you share the bed with junior until... until when? that depends. i know some people who have 6-year olds in their bed. i have no desire for that. i like having alone time with my husband, and considering that baby will soon be the center of both our worlds, i think it's important to preserve a "sacred space" for just us. the philosophy of attachment parenting is basically "through allowing my child to be dependent when she needs to, I give her the confidence to be independent when she’s ready." it's a great philosophy at heart, and there are many outgrowths of it that i do agree very much with, but the problem i see with it seems to be recurrent: parents (moms especially) use it as an excuse to over-coddle and indulge THEIR OWN little desires with regards to their children. i just read a ton of responses to a post on babycenter.com in which most of the women arguing for 'parenting-to-sleep' (which is basically attending the child on their terms until they fall asleep in your arms or you sleep in the bed with them) cite their own need to feel closeness as the main, if not the only, reason for avoiding more independent sleep routines. moms who don't want to give up nursing or bemoan 'how fast they grow' as a good reason to extend the babying days as long as possible... something about that makes my skin crawl a little bit. i can't help it--i don't mean to be so.. whatever it is i am being. but the day i continue to nurse my child because *I* want to, and not because she really needs it, is the day i stop altogether.

the thought that i may become the kind of person who grasps at something as fleeting as infancy and 'cuddling time'--and would go so far as to deliberately sabotage my own efforts to remedy the situation by failing to enforce change--terrifies me. is that what motherhood does to us? it explains a lot, if so.

anyway my question here is, "how the hell do you find a happy middle ground between being too present, and creating dependence, and being too unavailable, and inducing stress?"

the last thing i want is to find myself required to be a bedside attendant for several hours a night while a little one falls asleep. i get frustrated enough being a bedside attendant for matt for 20 minutes in the morning while he wakes up... i need to know i can preserve my own independence AT LEAST when it comes to bedtime. i already know i will lose it in regards to most other things, so i guess this is just the one subject i don't want to budge about.

but i can't imagine allowing her to cry herself to sleep... "The fact remains that “crying it out” simply does not work the way proponents of the Ferber method believe. An infant has not the faculties to cry hysterically, get it out of his system, and then lull into slumber. No, he has merely submitted into exhaustion once it becomes clear that his caretakers are not coming to help him." yes, i do not think despair is good for infants.

so what do i do? i borrowed the no-cry sleep solution from the birth center, so i'm hoping it will answer all my questions. either that, or that rowan is naturally a sleepy, content little girl! if we can only be so lucky.

i don't know why, but this really stresses me out! i want her to be naturally independent and that's just not something i can control... or can i? but then what if she is, and it upsets me? AGH! i think that would be worse. *sigh*

medicated children

8:52 AM by rhiannon 0 comments
this may inflame someone, so here is another disclaimer, written in some slight annoyance at having to write it at all. yes, there are always cases where people are better off for having psych meds. i know this. i'm not talking about those cases. i'm talking about everybody else...

*sigh* let's start from the top:

via cryptogon:
Is there something more at work here besides chasing profits? The diabolical nature of this seems to go beyond the usual chasing profits explanation.

This has an inky black, low murmuring evil feel to it. Echoes of Dr. Mengele.

Also, pay attention to the “food” that these people are ingesting, and the physical appearance of the mothers. Holy crap. Have another breakfast stick, now with even more obesity and diabetes. Toxic waste for food and strong antipsychotics, antidepressants and mood stabilizers. This is the breakfast of champions for millions of American children, some as young as two.

Via: PBS Frontline:

In recent years, there’s been a dramatic increase in the number of children being diagnosed with serious psychiatric disorders and prescribed medications that are just beginning to be tested in children. The drugs can cause serious side effects, and virtually nothing is known about their long-term impact. “It’s really to some extent an experiment, trying medications in these children of this age,” child psychiatrist Dr. Patrick Bacon tells FRONTLINE. “It’s a gamble. And I tell parents there’s no way to know what’s going to work.”

as of january 2008 PBS had enough material--and there was enough controversy--to make a documentary questioning the wisdom of using UNTESTED psych meds on children diagnosed with very vague and broad-spectrum symptoms of various psychiatric disorders. the video is disturbing... poor kids are damaged permanently from the side effects of these drugs before they even have a fighting chance to develop normally and outgrow their "issues."

for me, the first thing i would ask myself if my child seemed really wacked would be, "what am i doing that could be causing this behavior? is she fed healthy foods? is she getting enough sleep? enough social interaction? enough love and affection?" and finally, "am i stressed out?"

children are NOT adults. they react very differently to stresses than adults do--they haven't learned to "cope" by stuffing their feelings inside. they express. everything. and sometimes maybe their bodies induce emotional reactions when physical needs are not being properly met (i.e., you feed them nothing but processed pHoods and after a year or so they start having temper tantrums every day).

fundamental problem #1: we are treating them for things they may not have because we do not bother to look into alternative explanations. we fail to adequately research the cause and effect cycle of ALL things we take for granted in modern life.

and now this, via msnbc (just the best parts here):

Panel: All teens should be tested for depression
2 million in U.S. are affected but most are undiagnosed, task force says
...
The task force said that when followed by treatment, including psychotherapy, screening can help improve symptoms and help kids cope. Because depression can lead to persistent sadness, social isolation, school problems and even suicide, screening to treat it early is crucial, the panel said.
...

Yet at the same time psychiatrists specializing in treating children and teens are scarce. A separate report, also released Monday in the Pediatrics journal, says primary care doctors including pediatricians and family physicians will need to get more involved in mental health care.

...

Most pediatricians aren't trained to do psychotherapy, but they can prescribe depression medication and monitor patients they've referred to others for therapy, he said.

holy f*&^. did we completely FORGET that teenagerdom is characterized by some amounts of depression/anxiety/stress which naturally accompany the vast physical, mental, and emotional changes going on during that period of our normal human development? what just happened here? but nevermind that, let's move on.

fundamental problem #2: if you need a questionnaire at the pediatricians office to tell you your kid is sad, isolated, failing school, and doing drugs, YOU FAIL as a parent. period. where is the responsibility of the parents to observe and interact with their children, that something like this even needs to be suggested?!

fundamental problem #3: we need to screen EVERYONE because 6% of a sub-population may be affected. that is what you call a massive waste of resources. but, in fact, since the goal here is nothing grander than to boost profits for drug companies selling psych meds (see #4), it will perfectly do its job--so many "undiagnosed" cases will come to light, and all good parents give their kids meds when dr. concerned says they should. on a related note, maybe if we had an insanely high teenage suicide rate--i.e., if the entire 6% of the undiagnosed kids were offing themselves for lack of treatment--MAYBE this testing would be justified. but since apparently the majority of these kids move on to be typical adults, what is the issue?

fundamental problem #4: re-read the last two paragraphs in the quote above. now think for a second. there aren't enough psychiatrists trained to deal with kids, so pediatricians will have to fill in the gaps AND/BUT all they can do is prescribe medication, not provide counseling. ah ha! now i get it. (nevermind the big problem with docs prescribing meds for conditions they *admittedly* are not trained to deal with.) it's all about the profits. you heard it straight from MSNBC!

i won't call this one "fundamental," but i also have to wonder where they got the number of "undiagnosed" depression cases from? if they are undiagnosed, how the hell do they know how many there are? wtf?

i don't know... to me, the very idea of chemically altering a child's brain--which is in a constant state of flux and adaptation to the world, developing structures and learning connections and whatnot--is Evil. truly Evil. it can do nothing but harm, and i don't care what anyone says to the contrary. yes, i would rather put up with screaming fits for 2 years than know that i am irreversibly damaging my child's development--and entire life, as a result--so that i can have a little peace and quiet.

why is it that we didn't see this kind of behavior in kids 15, 20, 30 years ago? my list of hypotheses goes like this:
- routine, excessive vaccinations of vulnerable infants
- pHood (i.e., products so detached from the original substance that used to be food, that they are chemically unrecognizable; i.e., basically everything from a box, can, or plastic package)
- high-fructose corn syrup
- fluoridated/chlorinated water supplies
- overuse of any/all medications
- environmental pollutants (mostly the indoor kind, from cleaning products, cosmetics, etc, but perhaps also the more widespread type as well)
- and equally important, bad parenting. yes, i blame the parents in many cases. kids need to be shown BY EXAMPLE how to live effectively in the world. when you model disaffectation, stress, egoism, and apathy, that is what they learn. i think our entire society has suffered as a result of the 2-working parent system which shoves our younglings off to what amounts to foster care for the bulk of their developing years. it's worse than anybody wants to admit, in my opinion... and i know many families have 'no choice' and i can sympathize with that to an extent. because really, there is always a choice. you can always make sacrifices. the question is, is it worth it to you?

in my world, we wouldn't need Supernanny because we would have communication and interaction on a level that makes sense for the child. we'd have time for them. sometimes i wonder if our parents didn't fail us... it was by their example that we learned to be parents, and so many of us are really terrible at it. was it just the 70s/80s/90s mentality that materialism is the ultimate goal that ruined everything? because that was so important to our parents, and we (i say "we" loosely here*) were left in daycare and fed convenience foods since they knew no better... and it left us without a model for good parenting? because most of us can say for sure that our parents were raised very differently than we were. i think the break came as they took their roles and parents and forgot what their own parents had taught them... they were too distracted by material acquisition and "doing better for [our] sakes." only it ended up producing a generation of ineffective, depressed, and gullible people who want somebody else to fix their problems. just a thought.

back to the point; my dear friend at cryptogon would say this program of screening and medicating children on a massive scale has more to do with long-term population control (through submission) and social engineering than anything else--as he mentions, and i mentioned, profits are a big factor, but there really does seem to be something else going on. Evil. why do we push so hard to ruin the future (our childrens' brains)? or better yet, why do we let THEM tell us we should?! why do they want to?

who benefits from this? certainly not the children...


*for the record, my parents were awesome. i never went to forced daycare, my mom was lucky enough to work at home and be there for us 24/7, they fed us real food and taught us how to be respectful people with integrity and self-confidence. and practical frugality. sadly, however, i think they are not the norm. i truly hope to be as good with my kids as they were with us.

post-class update

well, that was... interesting. lots of people were there, all couples except for two chicks, and mostly noobs at that. a few of the dads were dads already but most of the moms were first timers. our "teacher" is one of the midwives i can't decide whether or not to like. i don't think she enjoys teaching, however.

so last night's class was all about "normal labor and birth" meaning we went from pre/early-labor signs all the way through birth, and at the end she made us watch 5 or 6 natural births from "gentle birth choices" which as she said is 'the 90s version of the business of being born.' and oh it was soooo 90s. bad hair, bad fashion, the works. funny stuff.

anyway the class was ok i guess, kinda pointless for me but at least it got matt thinking along the reality lines of what this is going to be like. not that he hasn't already, but it was good to have a segway into discussion after class. interestingly, the one thing throughout that i had a problem with (maybe i just don't understand) was the one thing he brought up: apparently if the cord is wrapped when the baby is born, they cut it right away. matt didn't like that and asked me why they do it... i couldn't answer. it was the only thing i was like 'wait wtf?' about... why can't they unwrap it?

he also said something about how he hopes i don't want the whole family in the birthing room because it will make him uncomfortable, and i was relieved to say i definitely do not want ANYone in there... so that's another nice point of alignment.

it was interesting to see our teacher's reaction when one of the mom's asked if they will do the circumcision... she said "if we already know we want the baby circumcised, should we just let you know during the birth?" and i thought for a brief moment that teacher's head was going to explode. she turned all red and i know her heart was racing, and she basically said WE DON'T DO THAT and went on to expound how medicaid won't cover it, insurance often won't cover it, it's considered cosmetic surgery, talk to a pediatrician if you want that done and wait at least 10 days (and make sure you give him the vitamin k shot so he doesn't die of hemorrhage). her views on the subject were not at all unclear!

related to that, in the car on the way home matt asked me if circumcision was where they "nip the tip" and i said "well no, they cut the foreskin off" and he said something about how most people aren't circumcised (or something like that)... and i said "um, what are you talking about?!" and he seemed to think we had had a conversation about it before--which we NEVER have--but the bottom line was that it turns out he thought he wasn't circumcised. i think he thought it meant they cut the HEAD off. he doesn't know what an uncircumcised penis looks like. he didn't know what a foreskin was. *splutter* i had to explain it, and to tell him that almost everyone our age IS circumcised. i couldn't believe that!! i'm not trying to embarrass him or anything, because i suspect if i polled guys i know many of them might be just as confused... i mean, not to be gross, but even avid porn-watchers will never really see an un-extended penis for long enough to tell whether it's been circumcised or not, and if you don't know what to look for, how would you tell? it's not like we educate our kids on their anatomy very well, or talk to them about the procedures they have as babies. anyway, i was pretty shocked by that. part of me wanted to tell him all about what circumcision does, but i realized he has no intention of doing it to our future babies and there was no need to cause a stir about what he may or may not have lost against his will. he probably doesn't even care anyhow.

but back to class--i was also a little bit disappointed with the thoroughness of the information she gave. in the silly videos i watched months ago, the woman explained EVERY DETAIL of labor to where it was almost more for the benefit of the fathers... she made it accessible. teacher didn't do that at all, and i felt like she really skimmed over some things. but oh well.

anyway it will be interesting to see how things proceed.

childbirth education tonight!

tee hee, i'm not quite sure whether i'm annoyed to have to go or excited that matt has to! i do hope there are a few "cool" couples there we might be able to make parental friends with, but i don't want to disappoint myself by hoping too hard.

it should be interesting, at any rate, and i'm sure matt will learn a lot. he's been really cute about the whole thing lately, though i can't exactly say what i mean by that. i think he's ready to be daddy :)

i do need to plan out who we are going to "officially" use as a pediatrician soon; i want to have time to make the right decision. i think there is one holistic peditrician in gainesville but i have never heard anything about him, so i don't know. i plan to ask around.

by the way, the baby count is up to three: evan, watson, and nora were all born within the last two weeks... and rowan is next! she already has a group of peers to hang out with (though they are all pisces--where is the variety?!)!

vaccines

i really don't want to write a ranting post about vaccines--i rant enough!--but nonetheless i feel it is my duty as a compassionate human being to at least offer some information as a starting point so that others can take a step toward researching things on their own.

whatever anybody decides is their own business and i support you in your informed choices... but not to question and seek answers before making a decision about something concerning your child's health is just foolish. so please, if you have babies, do your research... googling "vaccine safety" is a good place to start; you will see both sides of the issue distributed pretty equally. (yes, there are TWO sides and it is an issue!)

and fyi, even if you really believe in the benefits of vaccines and know you want your child to have all or some of them, you should know you have EVERY RIGHT to delay them as long as you choose. the longer your baby has to develop its immune system before being pummeled by dead viruses and bacteria, the better chances of a safe outcome. even just spacing them out so that baby only gets one at a time can have a massively beneficial effect. and just because you allow one doesn't mean you have to allow all of them; you have the right to choose.

my stance on this, if you haven't guessed already, is strongly anti-vaccination. for those who feel the same way that i do, you should know that you have EVERY RIGHT to refuse all or some of the scheduled vaccinations for any reason you like. you will be told your child 'cannot enter public school' without them; this is a LIE. here in florida you have to fill out a form declaring your objections, but you can object and they cannot bar your child(ren) from school... though the counties will in most cases reserve the right to make them stay home in the case of an outbreak of this or that (which is likely for the best anyway). it does not make you a bad parent for refusing vaccinations; that is the heart of the "informed consent" doctrine which all citizens are entitled to.

you are entitled to know the risks of BOTH doing and not doing something, and to choose based on that information. the reality that doctors fail 99% of the time in truly informing us is why we must inform ourselves. what so many people don't understand about medicine is that it is almost always a gamble either way... whether you accept OR refuse any particular treatment or procedure, there are risks--they just differ. sometimes the cure is worse than the disease.

and as a last note on the subject: if you are considering gardasil, p l e a s e research it thoroughly before going through with it! it hasn't even truly been tested rigorously, and is NOT approved for use in very young girls despite the widespread advertisement to the contrary. nor has it even been scientifically proven that HPV has a causal relationship with cervical cancer (correlation: yes, causation: no).

do your homework. in all things: "think for yourself. question authority." -timothy leary

edit 3/12/09:
i realized it was time to start accumulating any legally-necessary forms relating to vaccines and newborn care, should i end up in the hospital (birth plans are not enough). so i spent some time here and found what i was looking for, but the best thing i have ever seen in relation to vaccines and doctors and informed consent is this whammy response to a pushy doc. YOWZA! it's basically a total reversal of "informed consent" waiver forms... in this one, rather than YOU signing something saying "i understand the risks of not doing this blah blah" you are demanding that the doctor sign a form saying "i swear this is safe and i assume responsibility if it isn't." because--i hope you know this--it is within most state statutes that docs, pharm companies, school boards, etc, are all exempt from being held responsible if your child suffers from the administration of their "safe, FDA-approved" drugs. it's your problem if little johnny is autistic thanks to his DTaP shot. if it's really bad, maybe you will get lucky enough to settle with the 'no-fault' vaccine injury compensation program, though...

anyway, here i am ranting again when i said i didn't want to! ok ok one last tidbit: do you know how many vaccines contain aborted fetal tissue (not to mention the other scary sh*t they put in them)? what is, say, a catholic who opposes abortion to do about that? claim it's for the greater good and move on? *ponders* genesis 9 and leviticus 17 talk pretty extensively about not taking "blood" (ie, life) from other beings, and i can't find the quote about not mixing animal and human blood right now, but it's in there.

ok i'm done, really.









elimination communication (aka "diaper-free")

a while ago i posted this:

WOW. i don't know why it never occurred to me, but why the hell shouldn't you try to keep your baby diaper free? apparently there is a whole method for essentially potty-training infants to go over a bowl or the toilet (of course you have to get them there in time). just think of the water and hassle that would save, not having to wash diapers... i am definitely going to try that. this whole childcare thing literally seems to get easier the more i read. why on earth have we made this process so built-up and complicated? so full of useless stuff and gadgets and disposable necessities? it's madness i tell you.
and i am now seriously reading up on "elimination communication" because i am convinced i want to try this. think about it: we teach our babies that they are expected to soil themselves and sit in it until convenience allows us to change them... and then, abruptly, around 2-3 years old we expect them suddenly to understand that is a bad thing to do? huh?!

nope, everything i'm reading tells me that we instinctively do not want to soil ourselves. i know i didn't, as a baby (according to my mom). so why not give my baby the opportunity to stay clean by offering a better place to go than her pants, and thus also avoiding confusion later?

the beauty of this idea is that ultimately it is not about having a non-diaper-wearing baby; it's about communication, awareness, and meeting your child's instinctive needs, as well as vastly reducing the amount of hassle/expense/whatever from using diapers. i'd rather wash 5 diapers from "accidents" when i fail to catch her signals than 18 because i let her wallow in filth 24/7. also in developing your own awareness of the baby's bodily functions--and signaling them with a sound--helps them develop their own awareness of the same functions. supposedly babies are born with the awareness of elimination acts (and instinctively try to avoid doing it on themselves, hence "he peed as soon as i took the diaper off!"), but through conditioning via wearing diapers for 3 years, they lose the ability to recognize their own urges. they can just go anywhere, anytime, so why spend attention on it? it happens and they don't even realize it, let alone control it.

it sounds crazy but i really recommend reading up on it... it seems to work universally. and btw 85% of babies in the world do not wear diapers, so this isn't some crazy new-age idea... it just takes attention, patience, and some amount of tolerance for not getting it right 100% of the time.

(as for the idea of having to be totally in-tune with baby and reading subtle signals that she may have to go--well, i always know what my cat wants or is trying to say, and she's a cat. i can read her like a book. i would expect much more from a human child, especially considering she will be made of half my DNA... intuition may serve us well here!)

anyway, i see nothing wrong with having her in diapers as a "backup plan" to avoid messes while focusing primarily on EC. should be interesting!

some resources:

tribal baby.org - nappy-free (site)

mothering.com - elimination communication (forum)

the diaper-free baby
(book)

new link in the list: NOHARMM.org

i noticed i never wrote that post on circumcision that i was planning on. i guess now is as good a time as any (odd since i'm having a girl, but whatever).

as a non-disclaiming disclaimer: i am not going to pad my words in this post. this is what i really think, and it's a subject about which i have spent a lot of time thinking, and i feel very strongly about it. i'm going to say what i want to say, and without intending to offend anyone, i'm sure i will. i'm sorry about that--i promise i am not judging YOU or your personal decisions, i am only sharing MY feelings on the matter. on a similar note: i STRONGLY believe in parental rights, so alas, it is the parents' choice what to do with their helpless offspring; one hopes the parents have enough compassion to be open to the best interests of the child, but if not, it is their right to decide nonetheless. i do not believe in any state or federal intervention between parents and children unless abuse is apparent (the legal definition of "abuse" then becomes the problem, but that is a whole other issue that doesn't need to mix itself up in here).

so off we go... on circumcision.

"...an intact body is a universal human right." NOHARMM.org

opening question: would you circumcise your daughter? then why your son? it. is. the. same. thing.

we take a perfectly healthy infant and remove a functioning part of his body. a part that he would--by all accounts--be better off for having, both physically and emotionally.

first of all, WHY?
historically, we are told the reasons for circumcision are basically hygienic. we have been taught that uncircumcised penises are dirty, dangerous, and difficult to care for. medical research shows that none of the above are true; the most common problem with intact foreskin later in life is "phimosis," which affects 2% of intact males, on average, and can be treated almost 99% of the time without surgery. so the fear that "it will have to be done later anyway" is medically unfounded. the idea that uncircumcised men spread STDs more easily has also been disproven. as for difficult to care for--please. even if it were true, which it isn't, are we now using laziness as a good reason to perform unnecessary surgeries on infants?

in fact, almost all circumcisions are performed for religious or cultural reasons; i.e., conformity of the child to the "norm" to which the parents are accustomed. i can't find the link now but i read (many times in various places) that women who were polled and said they were more likely to circumcise their sons admitted it was because of THEIR OWN SEXUAL PREFERENCE. part of the poll was also to ask whether they had been with an intact male or not--those who had were less likely to have their sons circumcised. that's what you call fear of the unknown; thus, the "cultural" reasons for most circumcisions. it's bad enough that most are done out of ignorance--the idea that women are molding their sons' bodies based on their own sexual ideology borders on twisted. what right would a father have to give his daughter breast implants because it was HIS preference in women?

in the 1800s and 1900s circumcision was performed (almost exclusively) as a means to curb the prevalence of masturbation in children. yes, the reason most men in the US are mutilated is because of the victorian mass-hysteria and fear of sexuality which literally altered the perceptions of the medical community through the 1920s and on.
Dr. E.J. Spratling, who promoted this surgery by telling his colleagues that "...circumcision is undoubtedly the physician's closest friend and ally..." prescribed in 1895 the method of circumcision as it is practiced in hospitals today.

"To obtain the best results one must cut away enough skin and mucous membrane to rather put it on the stretch when erections come later. There must be no play in the skin after the wound has thoroughly healed, but it must fit tightly over the penis, for should there be any play the patient will be found to readily resume his practice not begrudging the time and extra energy required to produce the orgasm... We may not be sure that we have done away with the possibility of masturbation, but we may feel confident that we have limited it to within the danger lines."
(E.J. Spratling, MD. Medical Record, Masturbation in the Adult, vol. 48, no. 13, September 28, 1895, pp. 442-443.)
doesn't that make you feel good? today's medical practice is informed by a bunch of erotophobes with the misperception that masturbation made people sick and degenerate. mutilation of the body was considered an appropriate response to "dangerous" (natural human) behavior. and here's a telling gem:
"A remedy for masturbation which is almost always successful in small boys is circumcision. The operation should be performed by a surgeon without administering an anesthetic, as the brief pain attending the operation will have a salutary effect upon the mind, especially if it be connected with the idea of punishment. In females, the author has found the application of pure carbolic acid to the clitoris an excellent means of allaying the abnormal excitement."
(John Harvey Kellogg, M.D., "Treatment for Self-Abuse and its Effects," Plain Fact for Old and Young. Burlington, Iowa: F. Segner & Co. (1888). P. 295) [yes, like kellogg's cereal. that's him.]
so the POINT is for it to be painful and traumatic, in order to create lasting associations between sexuality and pain, with pleasure as a bad, scary, and ultimately traumatic experience. you are bad for wanting that, and you will be punished. if you have been circumcised, the punishment is lifelong. (by the way, carbolic acid is phenol, the numbing agent in chloraseptic spray. why numb the girls and mutilate the boys? it doesn't make sense...)

the american association of pediatrics has stated as of 1999:
"Existing scientific evidence demonstrates potential medical benefits of newborn male circumcision; however, these data are not sufficient to recommend routine neonatal circumcision [emphasis mine]. In circumstances in which there are potential benefits and risks, yet the procedure is not essential to the child's current well-being, parents should determine what is in the best interest of the child. To make an informed choice, parents of all male infants should be given accurate and unbiased information and be provided the opportunity to discuss this decision."
when you have babies, if you haven't already, let me know if you are presented with "accurate and unbiased information" (or any information whatsoever) on circumcision before they ask you on delivery day what you want to do. if they ask at all.

some physical consequences of circumcision, or What Is Lost
1. The frenar band of soft ridges--the single most pleasure producing zone on the male body. Loss of this densely innervated and reactive belt of tissue reduces the sensitivity of the remaining penis to about that of ordinary skin.

2. Approximately half of the temperature reactive smooth muscle sheath called the dartos fascia.

3. Specialized epithelial Langerhans cells, a component of the immune system.

4. An estimated 240 feet of microscopic nerves, including branches of the dorsal nerve.

5. Between 10,000 to 20,000 specialized erotogenic nerve endings of several types, which can discern slight motion, subtle changes in temperature, and fine gradations in texture. This loss includes thousands of coiled fine-touch receptors called the Meissner's corpuscles - the most important sensory component in the foreskin.

6. Estrogen receptors the purpose and value of which are not yet fully understood.

7. More than 50% of the mobile penile skin, the multi-purpose covering of the glans, that shields all of the specialized penile skin from abrasion, drying, and callusing (by keratin cell layering), and protects it from dirt and other contaminants. The debilitating sexual consequences of keratinizing the glans have never been studied. [this is when the head of the penis becomes more callous--less sensitive--over time in reaction to constant exposure and stimulus with clothing]

8. The immunological defense system of the soft mucosa, which may produce antibacterial and antiviral proteins such as lysozyme, also found in mothers milk, and plasma cells, which secrete immunoglobulin antibodies.

9. Lymphatic vessels, the loss of which interrupts the lymph flow within a part of the body's immune system.

10. The frenulum, the very sensitive "V" shaped web-like tethering structure on the underside of the glans; usually amputated along with the foreskin, or severed, which destroys its functionality.

11. The apocrine glands of the inner foreskin, which produce pheromones—nature's powerful, silent, invisible behavioral signals to potential sexual partners. They contribute significantly to sexuality. Their loss is unstudied.

12. Ectopic sebaceous glands, which lubricate and moisturize.

13. The essential "gliding" mechanism. If unfolded and spread out flat, the average adult foreskin measures about 15 square inches, the size of a postcard. This abundance of specialized, self-lubricating mobile skin gives the natural penis its unique hallmark ability to smoothly "glide" in and out within itself—permitting natural non-abrasive masturbation and intercourse, without drying out the vagina or requiring artificial lubricants.

14. The pink to red to dark purple natural coloration of the glans, normally an internal organ, like the tongue.

15. A significant amount of the penis circumference because its double layered wrapping of loose foreskin is now missing making the circumcised penis defectively thinner than a full-sized intact penis.

16. As much as one inch of the erect penis length due to amputation when the connective tissue is torn apart during "circumcision." This shared membrane tightly fuses the foreskin and the glans together while the penis develops. Ripping it apart wounds the glans, leaving it raw and subject to infection, scarring, and shrinkage.

17. Several feet of blood vessels, including the frenular artery and branches of the dorsal artery. The loss of this dense vascularity interrupts normal blood flow to the shaft and glans of the penis, obviously damaging its natural function and possibly stunting its complete and healthy development.

18. Every year boys lose their penises altogether from botched "circumcisions" and infections accidents happen. They are then "sexually reassigned" by transgender surgery and must live their lives as females.

19. Every year many boys lose their lives from the complications of medically unnecessary circumcisions. The cause of these deaths are a fact the billion dollar per year circumcision industry willfully obscures and conceals.

20. Although not yet proved scientifically, there is considerable new evidence that an incomplete penis loses its capacity for the subtle electromagnetic "cross-communication" that occurs only during contact between two mucous membranes, and which contributes to the perception of sexual ecstasy. In other words, medically unjustified foreskin amputation of boys ultimately diminishes the intensity of orgasms for both men and women!
"The fundamental biological sex act becomes, for the circumcised male,
simply satisfaction of an urge and not the refined sensory experience
that it was meant to be."
Falliers, C.J. Circumcision. Journal of the American Medical Assn., vol. 214, 1970, pp. 2194-2195
(i don't know about you, but i mourn for our men. it makes me SO SAD to think what they have lost--and what we have lost through their loss--and can never get back. deep down i feel this is truly an explanation for much of the difference between men and women's expressions of sexuality. circumcised men have no choice but to be rougher, less sensual, and more to-the-point... their equipment is irreparably damaged and dulled, ON PURPOSE. removing the most sensual part of someone's body is unforgivable and at least equivalent to the rape of a virgin... the most intimate thing, both in concept (as pleasure) and material (as flesh), stolen before he even knows what it is or what it means; and he will never get it back. there is no justification for that in my eyes.)

i cannot even begin to address #18. it is true--look it up yourself.

a few other issues to consider
so. there is no proven medical reason to circumcise babies routinely. and just knowing what it does to them physically, there should be no religious or cultural reason good enough to override that.

for a long time (and even still, sometimes) doctors told parents "babies don't feel pain" because their memories are not developed enough. i'm sure that would make me feel better, watching my newborn son screaming--and in some cases they stop breathing from shock--and betting on the fact that it's ok because 'he won't remember it.' except i know already that my still-womb-bound daughter recognizes my voice, so she must have a memory, mustn't she? mothers report a loss of bonding attachment and difficulty breastfeeding after circumcision (still searching for that link), and if we think for a moment from the infant's perspective, even if it is a purely emotional one: your mother, your world, has failed to protect you in the most basic way. your body has been violated and mutilated. you are in pain; you are no longer whole. would you continue to trust mother to protect you any longer? would you trust anyone ever again? perhaps this is why so many men harbor unconscious rage towards their mothers... as Marilyn Milos, Founder and Director of NOCIRC says, "Circumcision is where sex and violence meet for the first time."

maybe your son will come to resent the decision you made for him when he was a helpless child (assuming he is even aware of it). according to a 1996 study, "among the 46% of men circumcised in infancy with a definite opinion about their genital condition, the ratio of happy to unhappy men was 50:50. The ratio of men happy to be intact versus those who were unhappily intact was 31:1 (97% vs. 3%). The lowest satisfaction rate was observed in those circumcised in infancy."
"I'm left with a sense of impotence and powerlessness and a fear
about the power of others to hurt me grievously." NY/1930
i hope people bother to wonder what men think about their circumcisions before doing it to their own babies.

by the way i didn't really go into the many (many) ways that a circumcision can be botched, permanently scarring the man in minor to major ways--plenty of which he might never realize are the result of the procedure, and not a "natural defect" in his body. here is a site with photos and links to more.

conclusion
if you go through the links i put in this text you will find a universe of information from doctors, lawyers, researchers, men, and even women on both sides of the fence. do what you have to do, but do it with a fully informed conscience so that if you are ever asked by your child, "why did you do that to me?" you can answer with more than, "uhh..." seriously. we are talking about amputation, after all.

for me the only truly important question is, "whose body is it?"

and then suddenly a bit of timeless wisdom from my grandmother's refrigerator pops into my head:

if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

lullabies

i realized i only know a few lullabies and i don't like any of them, so i am now endeavoring to learn a few that i DO like. the problem is they keep making cry! i am soooo sentimental these days.

but i am singing them because it's the best way to memorize them and the baby is totally kicking. i don't know if that means it hates it or likes it though, lol. its auditory system is developed enough to be able to hear me now...

a-z lullabies with some midi files to hear them
folk lullabies

oh wow--when i was really little i watched "empire of the sun" and there is a song in that movie sung by a boy's choir that i LOVED and never knew what it was... it's on the folk lullabies page. it's a welsh lullaby called 'suo gan.'

fyi: there are a few tori and iron & wine songs that make really great lullabies!

snarky responses breastfeeding aversion

oh how many of these wonderful, witty, and downright GOOD replies i have found...

for the record: while it is obvious from all sorts of research (and common sense--really) that breastfeeding, and breastmilk, are the best choices available, it is very unfortunately true that some women just can't do it for all sorts of reasons. blame it on their cultural upbringing, our societal sexualization of the breast to the point that we are all closet pervs, their insecurity in the face of criticism, family pressures, or real physical impediments; it just doesn't work for everybody. just because i wouldn't feed *my* baby formula doesn't mean it's not the best option for other people, and that they shouldn't have the right to choose as they like. that is my stance on it--personal choice is everything.

now, having stated my completely truthful disclaimer, let's get down to business! it should be apparent that i intend to breastfeed, at least until i can't anymore. i was a "biter" which is why my mom quit, and i have friends whose kids weaned themselves, and i can imagine i might just get sick of it after a while; i do know that i will not be an extended BFer. as much as i want to be totally open to it, i know already it's not for me... i personally wouldn't be comfortable continuing the nursing relationship past the point at which children start to develop long term memory. i'd be pretty disturbed as an adult if i could still remember my mom's boobs being in my mouth. anyway... back to the point...

so yes, i will be breastfeeding like a champ just like my mom and her mom (thank you good genes!) and naturally this means there will come a time at which i must do so in public. gainesville is a happy hippie place, so maybe things won't be so bad here--however, in addition to the easy-going pot-smoking older crowd, there are also hordes of 18 year old girls and boys who haven't yet developed their neocortexes to the point that they can process complex ideas and register things like boobs do not always equal sex--but i am trying to prepare myself for the most likely inevitable rude comments, stares, etc to a woman feeding a baby from her body in public. so i've been stashing clever responses :)

love these!

responses to "when are you going to wean?" #1 and #2

my all-time favorites:

rude person: Can you please cover yourself while doing that?

proud mama: Oh, I’m sorry. Would you also mind throwing a blanket over yourself while you eat that slab of meat on your plate? (the vegetarian comeback)

***

“I’m sorry that using my breasts for their intended purpose rather than as sexual objects makes you uncomfortable.”

***

Q: “Could you possibly do that in a restroom?”

A: “No, but if you don’t like it then you can always go into the restroom while my child finishes eating.”

***

FYI, in florida there is are statutes (383.015, 800.02, 827.071) which explicitly state a few helpful things:

- A mother may breastfeed her baby in any location, public or private, where the mother is otherwise authorized to be, irrespective of whether the nipple of the mother's breast is uncovered during or incidental to the breastfeeding.
- exclude breastfeeding from various sexual offenses, such as lewdness, indecent exposure, and sexual conduct.

apparently a lot of women carry around a card with the laws on it in case anybody tries to make them leave, cover up, go to another room, etc. no one is allowed to make you do that.

of course, i certainly won't be flaunting my bosoms all about town, but hey, babies have to eat too, and i'm glad to know i don't have to hide it. plenty of people walk around in what i consider to be disgusting or inappropriate clothing/appearances all the time, but that is their right--if it bothers me, i look away. they can too.

>:P