september mama

when the shock of liam's perfect birth finally wore off and i could start integrating it into my life experiences, some strange things happened. "birth" stopped being something that i obsess about. i am as interested in keeping it in my life as i was before, but i'm not on a soapbox anymore. i'm not feeling the need to rant and rave and hoist signs about it (though i gladly will should the occasion arise). it would seem that the total non-event normalness of giving birth the way i did has toned the whole subject down several notches, with a big added dose of peacefulness and contentment.

related to this was gaining the understanding that i will never get over rowan's birth. it doesn't hurt anymore (mostly probably because i have "proved" myself to myself; silly but true) but i was wrong to hope that liam's homebirth would somehow heal the trauma rowan and i went through. it didn't, and that's ok. it healed me in a profound metaphysical way, but nothing will ever lead me to "get over" her birth... it was awful and that's just the way it is. i am able to accept it for what it was and see it in a more objective way, but it will always be a scar even though the wound is no longer throbbing.

on a more mundane note, liam has strange diarrhea going on. for the past few days his normally sweet-smelling, sticky yellow curdled breastmilk poo is stinky, greenish, and so watery it soaks right into the diaper. wtf? i need to do some research... he seems fine otherwise and is eating/sleeping normally so i don't know what to think. as of last night we moved him out of our room--he's 6 weeks old--and into the spare bedroom to get ready for the move into rowan's room. i don't want him in there until he is sleeping through the night because i don't want him to wake her all night long. right now he's consistently going 3-hour stretches both for naps and for night sleeping. he's growing really fast so i can i only assume that explains the several night feedings..?

i am doing good with my "diet" which isn't--eating lots of oats, fruit, yogurt, and green juice. cutting out most meat since i don't really want it anymore, and avoiding breads. i should reduce my coffee intake but i just like it so much... and i've been doing that workout every other day too. i'm sure i'll lose just enough weight to gain it all back over thxgiving and xmas.

rowan is working on her 12th tooth and is saying everything i say to her. it's very cute. i'm really looking forward to xmas and seeing her excited over the lights and tree and parades and gifts. it should be so fun!

"uncle james" brought us 4 more hens yesterday as well, so we now have... 12?? chickens running around, but two of those will shortly be executed for the sheer fact that they are upstart roosters. matt is working on the barn but all we have is 4x4s in the ground so far. winter is coming...

both babies are sleeping at the same time for the second day in a row. *bliss* yesterday liam napped from 9am-12pm, too! i even had 5 minutes this morning to slather my head with henna (way overdue) and get some stuff ready for the GLAM which twink and my shirts will both be a part of. as of last night i have whipped myself into shape in terms of making him sleep in his bassinet, and he slept 5 hours and 3 hours (he is officially a stomach-sleeper no matter what i try). it was great to sleep in my bed without a baby i'm afraid to disturb by rolling over! maybe matt will come back to our room now... lol. i also started a pilates regimen that uses baby as the weights, and man that showed me just how out of shape i have become. it was EASY as far as workouts go, and only like 15 minutes, and my arms and legs felt like they were going to give out. i used to be able to do some seriously intense workouts and still be ok. i guess i should look at that past glory as something to work towards again.

i have discovered that i can knit and nurse at the same time, and all i can say about that is HALLELUJAH AMEN woo-freaking-hoo!! i've made some xmas gifts for rowan and i am even halfway done with a pair of super-cute fingerless gloves for me--first thing i've ever knitted for myself. it's glorious to be productive while i'm stuck on the couch otherwise "wasting time" (if you don't consider that i'm imbuing a mini-human with nutritious growth juice).

in the TMI realm--be warned here--matt and i resumed marital relations more than a week ago and everything is a-ok in the nether zone. it's sort of shocking, after my recovery post-rowan. i think i would've been fine with activities down there even at 2 weeks, but i wanted to be sure. it's such a relief.

i'm going for my IUD consultation on thursday which i am very excited about... yay for long-term surefire contraception that doesn't involve surgery! lol.

liam is 6 weeks old. he cooes and looks like he is trying to talk all the time, which is something rowan never did this early. he smiles a lot and is very interested in what is going on around him, and he's much cuter than he was before. i need more photos of him...

patience is a wonderful thing. having "given up" on the big-girl bed, as i did, in the hopes that rowan would sort of grow into it on her own, i am absolutely delighted to say that she has! a few days ago she decided that naps needed to be taken in it, and was consistent with it... so i decided to take advantage of a late-night out (after which she fell dead asleep in her car seat) to sneak her into the big girl bed for the night. it worked. she woke up in the middle of the night, i came in and comforted her, and she was back to sleep until the morning and has expected to sleep there ever since. it's awesome! i am so glad i left it to her to decide when she was ready. now i just need to get liam sleeping longer at night and i can have them both in their room together :) :) :)

liam is growing and has made a leap in awareness over the past few days. he's very into being awake and hanging out more, which is great... we're past the drowsy-all-day-nursing stage, and he's taking more defined naps and setting a bedtime for himself. he's a lovely little baby, and looking more and more like rowan by the day.

rowan has started repeating EVERY word i say to her lately, also, which is new. she tries to say everything, which means my sailor's mouth is rapidly becoming unsustainable. i'll be regretting it very soon if i don't clean up my language!

our farm has grown by another rooster, too. karen brought us a very showy little bantam "duclay" named peter to join our flock. he's tiny but apparently has a big heart. i think he'll be staying with us for a while, at least. butters hasn't birthed yet and my eggs were duds. matt has been planting the winter garden with spinach and lettuce...