september mama

we've had an eventful few days, i think. tuesday my mom and i went and got rowan her last set of free photos (my one-year membership with the company ended):

...which meant a trip to the mall and, since we were in gville anyway, target. i got a mattress for the toddler bed and a potty chair for little miss. she LOVES the new bed--all set up with her cute dragonfly sheet set--though she hasn't slept on it yet. she has, however, figured out how to safely dismount from it, even if she can't get up onto it herself yet. so far she likes to pretend to sleep on it and put her baby doll to sleep on it. at least she gets the idea.

the potty is a hit too, to my delight and surprise! the first time i put her on it she strained to produce two drops of pee, and i was shocked. we've been sitting on it several times a day, either when i have a hunch or just because... yesterday after her nap she started farting, so i whisked her in there and she pooped on the potty quite happily! i was really, really happy about that (especially since we are back to 100% cloth diapers, lol). we made a big fuss and she seemed to get it, sort of. i'm not attached to the idea that she knows what's up or will continue to do it, i'm just riding the luck for now. no need to get serious with something that i want her to be comfortable about.

wednesday we spent the day at my late great-grandmother's home, helping to make some of her possessions disappear. i brought home a recliner for our now-complete living room (we have two places to sit!), a totally awesome, seriously vintage sewing table with built in sewing machine, some quirky 1960s drinking glasses, and a bunch of bakeware. tomorrow we're picking up a spare bed and a table and chairs for outdoors. and an upright vacuum. i felt like i had been to a great flea market and scored stuff at the best price ever... despite the pangs of seeing pics of my grandmother about the place. i have to say though, i know she would want family to take everything we can before the estate sale gives it to strangers. after "shopping" most of the day, i came home and organized/rearranged furniture and stuff to fit it all in. one of my most favorite things to do (really).

yesterday... i did something yesterday but i can't really remember now. rowan hasn't been going to bed well lately. tonight it took me FIVE tries to get her to accept bedtime--no idea why. last night was not as bad, but bad enough. oh, yesterday was the milking injury, that's right. to summarize: the cow barely missed stomping on my belly. it sucked a lot. and it (all) still hurts. also yesterday rowan surprised me with her ability to follow instructions... she was wandering the living room, and i asked her very specifically to: come into the kitchen, pick up daddy's socks (which she had left there), and put them in mommy's room; and she did it! i didn't have to repeat myself. multi-part instructions are mastered :). later, she was watching the grover disco DVD while i cleaned the laundry room, and they were doing this silly dance when i heard her squealing, so i came out and hid behind the couch to watch her actually do all the steps from a seated position! it was unbelievable. i mean, yes, she knows all those body parts and whatnot, but to see her to it right, and on cue, was amazing. she would twist back and forth instead of turning around, and she tilted her head instead of falling down, but she clearly knew what she was doing. needless to say, we sang that song all day so i could watch her do it over and over. lol.

i had wacky dreams last night that i don't want to get into, and today i baked a slew of items; sourdough pretzels, two loaves of bread, one loaf of sourdough. and i made yogurt. i need to make butter again--cream is piling up. we have too much milk. this morning rowan and i went with my mom to help her clean her church, and rowan slipped on the freshly-mopped floor and slammed her head on it... it was traumatic. in the bath tonight, she stood up (which i am always bitching at her about) and slipped, and went fully under the water for a second, on her back. that is an image i fear i will never get out of my head... she was staring up in panic through the water, somehow knowing not to breathe in but unable to help herself up. she would have drowned in no time at all if i hadn't been right there to yank her up. it was really fucking scary... i'm getting upset just remembering it.

blah. so today is over, and i am tired. i think i'm going to sleep now and hope i don't have any dreams... i'd rather just pass out cold for once. unfortunately that is highly unlikely. *sigh*

matt spent all weekend mowing and clearing out the extremely overgrown sections of the yard that could be better utilized in the future; it looks great! no more piles of dead branches and 5ft high weeds near the chicken coop or within 100ft of the house. i did my part by weeding my "flower beds" around the front door, and now i just have to hit it with the weed-whacker to get the tall grass down. i even planted a crape myrtle and a rose bush :)

i realized he's nesting, in his own way. when i was getting close to rowan's due date, he canned a million things and grew us a huge garden. along with completing all the in-house projects i needed him to do, like flooring the nursery and whatnot. this time, as our home is shiny and new, he's focusing on prepping for more animals. we've got the chickens, the rabbits, and the cow, and now he's ready for sheep and/or goats. which means he needs to build a barn! hence the clearing perfectly good yard space. it's sort of fun to watch, honestly, because he gets out of character in the sense that he wants to go out and do all this stuff and gets excited about it, rather than doing it because he has to (and is neurotic about staying busy).

i had a midwife visit today, totally uneventful. she has a lot of really pretty tattoos; butterflies and flowers and an angel, and things like that. apparently her hubby is a tattoo artist--he does nice delicate work. i might call him up in the future... back to the baby, he's been sticking his feet out the right side of my belly all day and i can actually feel them! little feet! it's so funny. rowan almost always felt like an indistinct blob in there, but i really notice each part of this little guy. my weight is higher than i would have guessed it is, as i don't really look "fat" like i was with rowan. but maybe that was just the significant swelling i had last time around..?

debbie did bring up something i hadn't thought of at all, at our last visit: we need a hurricane backup plan. yes, it is florida and hurricane season... and i live in a mobile home... um... so i guess we'll be at my mom's if there is a bad storm during labor. she also mentioned that hurricanes, or any quick drop/change in barometric pressure has a notable effect on causing people to go into labor. i'd never heard that before, so i looked it up later, and despite what lay-people think, studies have actually shown that it DOES have an effect! PROM is the main thing that happens, but these days that basically means delivery the same day. so i'm really hoping this danielle storm doesn't come near us, because i am close enough to my due date to worry about crap like that. and after my dream the other night... ugh.

anyway. matt just turned off the mower so i think it's time for dinner. oh and rowan's bedtime problems seem to be just about resolved... she complains for about 30 seconds now at naptime and it's over. bedtime is back to normal. i have no idea what was going on, but i guess she's over it.

for the last few weeks i've found myself counting towards my "window" (37-42 weeks) instead of my due date, because i really have a hunch this guy is going to be a september baby. i've certainly been wrong before, but i just don't see him holding on through 40 weeks. he's not like rowan, always taking her time and not wanting to rush things... so my "window" is in 4 weeks.

i had a dream about him the other night, that he came super early--like 34ish weeks or so--"just so we could see him" (but he weighed over 6lbs and was perfectly healthy). i remember saying 'but how are we going to get him back in to finish gestating??' and we realized he wasn't going back, but since he seemed totally fine we decided not to tell anyone he was premature. he was fully dressed and still had the cord attached, and he looked just like my nephew. i assume that was my brain associating all preemies with kai, and using that to fill in the blank of what our little guy will look like. it was interesting though, because with rowan i always had those dreams about her poking through my very-thin belly skin so that we could see her before she was born; with him, he's just popping out early to say hi. I JUST WISH HE HAD A NAME ALREADY!

i'm starting to feel the afternoon sleepies recently, and if i stand up too fast my belly objects pretty loudly. but other than that i'm still normal; no swelling, no aching feet, no arthritis, no waking up 100x a night to pee (though i do pee a lot)... this pregnancy has been really easy. i know i painted the living room at 38 weeks or something with rowan, but even so, this time around i am much less burdened and monstrous than i was. i do have that wretched pain in my butt that tweaks itself every now and then when i move a certain way, but otherwise i feel great.

i don't know if i already mentioned this, but i've decided to attempt to double-produce milk once he arrives. it can't hurt rowan to have breastmilk again (though i won't nurse her--she's a "big girl" and will need all the reminders she can get), and i do have a decent electric pump, so why not? my production before wasn't overwhelming, but i'm going to see what i can do this time around.

she's still not napping despite being exhausted, though thankfully bedtime was fine last night. *sigh* gotta go get her up for the third time this morning...

good GODDESS this has been tough lately. for the past several days, every single time rowan has to go to sleep, whether it's nap or bedtime, she immediately poops a horrid mess that leaves her shouting (if not crying for real) and after i change her, doesn't want to sleep. we've had no naps--none--for two or three days. and bedtime tonight and last night; don't get me started. i'm starting to stress about the whole newborn-on-the-way thing... nevermind having to milk the cow before dark...

i don't know why this is going on, unless she has another bug of some kind :\. i'm hoping it only lasts a few days. we'll see...

oh, she's also learned (finally) that she can stand up in the crib and play at will. so every time i go in there to get her she's up and messing with whatever she can reach! it's actually pretty cute, and she stays entertained for longer after she wakes up nowadays, which is kinda nice. mom says next comes trying to climb out, so i'm glad we've got that toddler bed waiting to be slept on.

i can't remember if i posted anything about this back then, but there was a time when rowan was just getting too heavy for the baby bjorn (which we used many times a day!) and i wanted to wear her on my back... but i had a lot of trouble with it. i could find instructions but had no good fabric, or the wraps were just too complicated to pull off quickly, or she would get grumpy, etc... so i've been planning ahead for the little guy since i know i will need my hands free as much as possible. i've got fabric i plan to use, and i added some wrap instructions for baby wearing in the parenting links on the right.

i have a very long piece of heavy jersey knit that should be perfect for fall/winter when he's born, and my favorite wrap so far--untested, mind you--is the newborn "burp" carry (yes, it's in greek but pictures are worth 1000 words). i am very excited at the freedom and cuddliness that wrap seems to afford. the bjorn was always a little impersonal (though rowan never minded) and the ring slings were hit or miss depending on her mood and mine. i'm banking on the wraps from here on, though i will be keeping the bjorn for backup (and matt). and since it will be cold out, neither me nor the baby will probably mind having the extra fabric wrapped around us.

in other news, today i brought our dogs back to the breeder/rescue vet lady from whom we originally got them. matt and i are both feeling shitty, guilty, and missing them :(. it really sucks. but we really had no choice about it...

yesterday i managed to make that "car bag" i was talking about, thanks to some quickly-improvised sewing and scrap fabric i had lying around (and my mom entertaining rowan while i worked). it came out pretty cute though of course i rushed it and thus some of my seams are messy. but hey, it's a car bag...

i'm thinking i might put in a divider to more easily separate baby stuff and rowan stuff, instead of just having a huge single pocket to lose things in. we'll see. yesterday i also sorted out more baby boy clothes and have arranged the dresser in rowan's room to accommodate both of their clothing and cloth diaper sets (just barely!) which makes me very happy. his drawer is organized by size, so i know where to find the stuff that will actually fit him.

this morning so far i have finished a batch of yogurt, put dinner in the crock pot, started a loaf of sourdough, done 2 loads of laundry, dealt with the animals, and thawed out some henna (which i *hope* to use later in my hair later today). weee! yes, rowan has taken a nap :)

i have been thinking about what it will mean to "nest" when my home is already clean and prepared for baby... i figure it has something to do with my constant kitchen undertakings. i am getting ready to channel all that energy into twink to crank out products over the next week or so... but that is the kind of thing i just can't do with rowan around--i need to focus 100%--so i will have to plan ahead.

...and munchkin just woke, so i gotta go rescue her.

so poor little rowan is YET AGAIN battling some crazy rash-inducing diarrhea, complete with screaming fits in the middle of the night and lots of messy diaper-changes in the dark. no idea why. but her canines decided not to come in yet and instead she got a first molar(?!) the other day! i'm hoping the diarrhea is just teething, but i'm keeping my radar on.

last night i got bit by a tick! it was really creepy; i'm not a fan of arachnids in general, and i've never been bit by a tick before. had a few crawlies on me once, when we first took in our previously-stray cat neki about 5 years ago, but i managed to get them off before they could get me. this time i had to have picked it up while milking the cow. both experiences were a little bit scarring. i don't mind bugs, as a rule, but little spidery, vampiric black things are on my short list of no-likeys. i'm now on the lookout for any funny symptoms, just in case.

we've been given a bunch of really cute hand-me-down boy clothes from my sister, and a massive bag of cloth diapers that fit newborn-through-rowan-sized babies--yay!! i have enough g-diapers for a little baby up to 14lbs or so, and then some dappies for a slightly larger baby, but bigger than that i have yet to purchase any; we've been surviving off matt's mom's welcome contributions of amazon.com's seventh generation diapers. those are the best disposables. of course as soon as i switch back to cloth rowan gets horrid diarrhea again... lol. i tell myself it's a good refresher for the breastmilk poo-soup that my little guy will offer up soon enough.

i have a lot to do in the next month or so, and i'm starting to get very slightly stressed out about not doing all of it yet. we don't actually have a spare bag to leave in the car, but i am thinking i will sew one up real quick since i do have a ton of heavy fabric available... but more than anything i have a lot of stuff to stock up on for twink as we are going to be vending in the gainesville citizen's coop when they open this fall, and i don't want to have to worry about it with a newborn! i just haven't had time to get cracking the way i want to, and it's weighing on me. i need to ask my mom to take rowan for a day so that i can focus and work non-stop. i'm also wondering what sort of "homebirth kit" i will need in terms of supplies, b/c i need to get that taken care of too. and lots of freezer yogurt and homemade nutri-grain bars for rowan for quick postpartum snacks for her. so much to do, so little time...

at least my babysitting stint is over this week..! i will have a LOT more time soon.


***TMI WARNING*** ***DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU REALLY WANT TO KNOW***
i have been having crazy sexual dreams recently, which is basically normal for me in the pregnant state. but last night something interesting happened during a coital encounter that wasn't a dream: i won't say "copious amounts," but a good bit of a strange clear fluid expelled itself from me during the moment-of-most-fun. this has never happened before, and at first i was embarrassed to think it was a result of urinary incontinence, but 1) it had no smell and 2) it was totally clear. then i was worried it might be amniotic fluid gushing away in a very PROM, but again, 1) it had no smell. this morning the sheets--in the wash now--still smelled like nothing and no stain. and i'm not leaking nor has my belly deflated. so wtf was that?? i'm so confused...
***END TMI WARNING***

the last two days have been pretty rough on little rowan's head. i can't actually count all the times she's fallen lately--new legs mean new perils--but yesterday she really hit the floor. my cousin's kid was being a little too wild and rowan was chasing him around the kitchen, and somehow she ended up tripping over her feet to land head first. she cried and cried, the poor thing, and when she had finally stopped crying her nose oozed blood! it was a little scary until i realized it was already done actively bleeding by the time it came out. she had a budding pink unicorn horn until this morning when it faded into a barely visible bruise.

today she was being all sorts of 'big stuff' climbing in and out of her blue plastic pool all by herself at my mom's house... until she miscalculated something and landed forehead-to-cheek on the concrete patio. we weren't fast enough to save her, and she actually got a little bit of a scrape in both places along with some nasty bruises. she really is tough, considering how much that must have hurt; she only cried for a minute (though it was intense). she looks awful though, very banged-up :(

i really do not like it when she gets hurt. sorry for stating the obvious, but whatever.

finally! the other night out of nowhere (not that i haven't mentioned it almost daily) matt pulled my list of names off the fridge and starting crossing them off one by one and commenting on how bad they were. hahaha. he doesn't realize i put half of them on there just so he has something to cross off and criticize otherwise i'd risk losing some good ones to his silliness! so we're down to about 13 good ones, half of which aren't even that good. and he was looking up more names on his own online later that night. i'm encouraged.

all of my favorites are still on there, and we even agreed on a new one that wasn't on my list :). i can only hope a decision is near... he's obviously thinking about it, which is really all i wanted.

i will be in my "window" in under 6 weeks...

...is getting in the way of me completing the post-midwife-meeting post! i have it more than half-written but i need time to pull links to finish it properly. i hope to get to it tomorrow if not tonight.

in other news, the cow came home last weekend and is providing us with tasty fresh milk every day. it's oddly satisfying to milk a cow (and oddly similar to using a breast pump and watching with pride as the bottles fill up). it is, however, hot as b a l l s out here, even late in the evening, and so the process of actually milking her is pretty strenuous. i'm not sure i've ever sweat so much. and i keep forgetting that i'm 8 months pregnant until someone--usually my dad--gives me some crap about how i 'shouldn't be doing' this or that. i just don't feel the overwhelming blah i had with rowan when i was this late. i feel like myself, and even my belly doesn't seem to get in my way as much as i remember with her. my weight gain is less with this baby but i am surprised that would make such a difference in how i feel. back to the cow/milk thing--i've got some nice recipes on the farm blog and i think i am starting a "frugal tip" series when i think of neat stuff to share.

he is kicking the crap out of me though. several times a day i get gasp-inducing jabs that really hurt! something just makes me think he is not going to wait for his due date.

i think i quit the chiro... not just b/c he's vertex (if he still is) but b/c i'm not convinced it is helping my weird butt pain at all, and everyone tells me it's "addicting" anyway. i just don't feel any different when i leave his office than when i walk in, other than the squirmy leftover i-hate-being-cracked feeling in my fingers. so i dunno.

rowan's ear is officially better as of the doc visit today, after 10 days of antibiotics. hate that, but at least she's better. she's going through a sort of bratty phase though, just testing me all the time with things she knows she isn't allowed to do (opening the toilet lid, touching breakables at my mom's, throwing food on the floor, etc) AND she is so freaking picky with food lately. stuff she loves she will totally refuse to eat just because. it's driving me nuts, honestly, but i tell myself it's just the terrible twos coming early. i guess now is better than later..? she's not even really "bratty," per se, just a little stinker once or twice a day. it's annoying more than anything else. but to counteract that, she has started giving kisses and blowing kisses in addition to her abundant hugs (complete with back rubbing/patting), so it's hard to really get mad at her. manipulative little rat.

still no name, but i'm grilling matt daily. it's way past time to know his name!!

i got a call yesterday around 530pm from sarah, sounding upset, to inform me that she was "corrected" regarding the situation with my required consult: i DO need to go see the OB, and good luck getting him to sign off on my homebirth. whatever she thought she heard about a letter and him checking out my chart in lieu of a visit was a misunderstanding. i told her i figured as much and i'd sort it out (though i didn't really care as debbie was on her way over to meet us that very moment).

about debbie; she is my dream midwife. has kids of her own (one homebirth), totally hands-off, straightforward no-nonsense common sense type chick. she's not flaky or hippieish--not that that usually bothers me--and she seems pretty much unflappable. head screwed on tight, if you know what i mean. but very personable, sarcastic, and open about her religious leanings and "faith-based" practice.* she's passionate about VBAC and does them practically for free as a "mission." as for all the little snags in my plans according to the birth center, she laughed. and i learned a few things.

apparently the law in florida, which i linked before and will do again here, is open for interpretation. after reading it again more carefully, i tend to agree with her. i learned that the protocol for "no homebirth without hemoglobin at 11g/100ml" is not the law; it's birth center protocol. as is the rule which basically ruined my last birth experience, the bit about only getting 24 hours to labor with ruptured membranes. the law says you have 12 hours to START labor after rupture. yes there are laws about progression of dilation and descent (the absurdity of having laws dictating how quickly your cervix can dilate is just baffling) which would likely have fucked me anyway, but it would have been nice to know just whose rules i was being subjected to. totally unrelated, the words "failure to progress" are so incredibly disheartening and borderline offensive that i really feel they should be stricken from official use. what a mindfuck that one was... something like "arrest of labor" due to unfavorable circumstances would be a hell of a lot more appropriate. oh well, i am preaching to the choir.

anyway things with her are going great--it has taken me a week to finish this post so i've now seen her twice--and i really think she's the right midwife for us. she may not bring an assistant, which is totally fine with me, considering i'd rather keep the circle tight and have her use karen if she needs someone.

i've completely lost my train of thought but i think this post is finished so i'm publishing it now!


*i'm kind of amused that the midwife i feel i am somehow meant to have is clearly christian. i am, as you probably know by now, very non-christian and while i'm used to being around it, it makes me a tiny bit uncomfortable most of the time... but not with her. she never asked whether we believe, and she only referred to god with a capital-g (so i can't actually say for sure whether she's christian or something else), and i just didn't get that you-don't-believe-thus-you-are-damned sense from her. and honestly, i'd rather have her tell me that god is telling her to take us to the hospital than that we ran out of time or some number isn't reading just right...