today during lunch i went (with another pregnant co-worker) to visit a friend from work who had her baby last month. it was an interesting experience... she wanted a totally natural birth but ended up with an emergency c-section, so it was really good to talk to her about that. her son is totally adorable and healthy, btw.
she told me, as she cried, how she was overwhelmed with feelings of having "failed" as a birthing woman by allowing the c-section to happen. she never wanted that and felt a lot of guilt (and what i think was a sense of being cheated) over not living up to the expectations she had placed upon herself, and she said she is only just now getting over it and coming to terms with the fact that it's ok.
i mentioned how i am afraid of the same thing happening to me... for me it's not a sense of failing to live up to expectations though, it's much more THIS IS WHAT I WANT and i am afraid of the disappointment and of not getting to experience what birth is *really* like if i end up with a c-section. also the threat of never getting to have a vaginal birth if i consent to a c-section is huge. this is a real problem for me; i need to learn to accept the possibility before the time comes or i am afraid i will be a mess afterwards, should it come to that. i worry about it a lot.
she said her recovery was fine, she had no horror stories about not being able to hold the baby or get out of bed or anything, so that was reassuring, but still. the sense i get for myself is closest to resentment, i think--i would be so angry and resentful for having birth taken away from me, i can't imagine getting over it. i think i'm a little bit crazy!
for her it was a result of the usual cascade of events (in my opinion)... she went to the hospital dilated to 3cm and they let her labor as usual until she was exhausted, then her midwife suggested an epidural so that she could rest. then they broke her water which was stained with meconium, and after that, pitocin was brought in and she dilated to 6cm. but the baby wasn't doing well with the contractions at that point and his heart rate dropped to 50bpm, which is when they decided on the c-section. totally understandable decision... however, one has to wonder if the pitocin is what distressed the baby in the first place.
everyone has to wait until they are there in the moment to really know what will happen, but from far away it is so easy to see how these things spiral out of control... it's a good lesson, i think.
somehow i am going to have to come to terms with the potentiality of not having a natural birth.
she told me, as she cried, how she was overwhelmed with feelings of having "failed" as a birthing woman by allowing the c-section to happen. she never wanted that and felt a lot of guilt (and what i think was a sense of being cheated) over not living up to the expectations she had placed upon herself, and she said she is only just now getting over it and coming to terms with the fact that it's ok.
i mentioned how i am afraid of the same thing happening to me... for me it's not a sense of failing to live up to expectations though, it's much more THIS IS WHAT I WANT and i am afraid of the disappointment and of not getting to experience what birth is *really* like if i end up with a c-section. also the threat of never getting to have a vaginal birth if i consent to a c-section is huge. this is a real problem for me; i need to learn to accept the possibility before the time comes or i am afraid i will be a mess afterwards, should it come to that. i worry about it a lot.
she said her recovery was fine, she had no horror stories about not being able to hold the baby or get out of bed or anything, so that was reassuring, but still. the sense i get for myself is closest to resentment, i think--i would be so angry and resentful for having birth taken away from me, i can't imagine getting over it. i think i'm a little bit crazy!
for her it was a result of the usual cascade of events (in my opinion)... she went to the hospital dilated to 3cm and they let her labor as usual until she was exhausted, then her midwife suggested an epidural so that she could rest. then they broke her water which was stained with meconium, and after that, pitocin was brought in and she dilated to 6cm. but the baby wasn't doing well with the contractions at that point and his heart rate dropped to 50bpm, which is when they decided on the c-section. totally understandable decision... however, one has to wonder if the pitocin is what distressed the baby in the first place.
everyone has to wait until they are there in the moment to really know what will happen, but from far away it is so easy to see how these things spiral out of control... it's a good lesson, i think.
somehow i am going to have to come to terms with the potentiality of not having a natural birth.
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November 13, 2008 at 7:37 PM
you people are insane. the only option to a non-natural birth to the natural world is death. for you and death for your baby. THAT'S a failure. Get over it.
November 14, 2008 at 9:27 AM
thanks for the comment, 'anonymous.' i don't actually disagree with you on principle, but if you noticed, i was sharing the personal feelings of a friend about HER birth... i don't think personal feelings are something anyone else has a right to judge.
you are entitled to your feelings and their expression just as she is... but in the future, if you are going to comment on my blog please leave the negativity elsewhere.