midwife called me about my blood test last week - see #4 below.
let me list all the checks i have against my having a successful homebirth with a licensed midwife:
1) distance >30min from hospital
2) factor V leiden blood thing; probably not an issue? depends on word of god, i.e., OB's decision.
3) currently breech baby
4) anemia (iron level=10.9, law says 11.0 or forget it)
so... i think i quit. fuck it. i'll just do it myself, know when to call 911, and hope for the best. i am so sick of fucking technicalities getting in the way of what I KNOW is right. it happened last time, and i let it, but it is not going to happen again.
i find myself in the ace of wands of my tarot year, moving into the four of wands next week. apparently the ace has had nothing to do with the birth situation (except maybe that i am truly mentally embarking on preparation for unassisted birth) and was all about getting back into twink with energy. but this four, he's different. i see birth issues here, and i can only hope in a good way. the link above talks about rites of passage and homecoming and preparation for celebrations... "openings and gateways" and "solidifying the creative process." these things speak to me of getting ready for birth in a positive light, not stressing and worrying about when or how or whom. i can hope.*
one could argue that these things against me (#1-4 above) are the universe telling me what not to do, but i disagree... i am getting a clear message from baby and universe that we need to have a homebirth and all this other shit is just noise clogging the airways. testing my resolve, even. i could have a natural birth at the birth center, but i have an innate sense that that's just not right. so whatever... we may be on our own here, baby. i hope you're ready.
*this baby will be born solidly in libra, when i am, quite unsurprisingly, living the two of swords. that link is the nicest version of that card i have EVER seen--this is my deck, and the typical interpretation. i have a deep conflict to look forward to, i can only hope it is between family members concerned about me, and not between matt and i disagreeing about the birth. or between me and the baby on some spiritual level. the bits about an inability to act really freak me out.
let me list all the checks i have against my having a successful homebirth with a licensed midwife:
1) distance >30min from hospital
2) factor V leiden blood thing; probably not an issue? depends on word of god, i.e., OB's decision.
3) currently breech baby
4) anemia (iron level=10.9, law says 11.0 or forget it)
so... i think i quit. fuck it. i'll just do it myself, know when to call 911, and hope for the best. i am so sick of fucking technicalities getting in the way of what I KNOW is right. it happened last time, and i let it, but it is not going to happen again.
i find myself in the ace of wands of my tarot year, moving into the four of wands next week. apparently the ace has had nothing to do with the birth situation (except maybe that i am truly mentally embarking on preparation for unassisted birth) and was all about getting back into twink with energy. but this four, he's different. i see birth issues here, and i can only hope in a good way. the link above talks about rites of passage and homecoming and preparation for celebrations... "openings and gateways" and "solidifying the creative process." these things speak to me of getting ready for birth in a positive light, not stressing and worrying about when or how or whom. i can hope.*
one could argue that these things against me (#1-4 above) are the universe telling me what not to do, but i disagree... i am getting a clear message from baby and universe that we need to have a homebirth and all this other shit is just noise clogging the airways. testing my resolve, even. i could have a natural birth at the birth center, but i have an innate sense that that's just not right. so whatever... we may be on our own here, baby. i hope you're ready.
*this baby will be born solidly in libra, when i am, quite unsurprisingly, living the two of swords. that link is the nicest version of that card i have EVER seen--this is my deck, and the typical interpretation. i have a deep conflict to look forward to, i can only hope it is between family members concerned about me, and not between matt and i disagreeing about the birth. or between me and the baby on some spiritual level. the bits about an inability to act really freak me out.
Posts
July 21, 2010 at 9:48 AM
according to your deck it is saying you are not facing the problem (that is how I read it). Do you feel like you aren't? Like you feel like you hear what is being said and yet are frozen? Can't make a decision? (Which is kind of how it sounds. Under the circumstances, no one can blame you!)
Anyway, I would not worry about baby being breech, you have lots of time for him to change position. They freaked me out about Kaine too. He turned and was down for 4 weeks before he was born. I also would not worry, too much, about the iron thing. That can be easily fixed. Just because one reading is not good doesn't mean that you will have low iron at birth. They should have advised you to just watch it and build it up. I don't know anything about the other conditions. I hope they are not that big of a deal when it comes to birth. (And, anyway, why would having a natural birth at the BC be any different than having one at home with #2?)
My opinion: There is WAY to much political bullshit surrounding the BC and they are not willing to change it. Therefore, they are just as bad as Dr. You-Know-Who for not wanting to change it. If they really were all about birth, free choice and the rights of women, they would be looking for someone who actually supports how they feel. Apparently, they feel like they have. Which is not good for any of us. (I also feel like they are WAY more medical than what a midwife should be, I think most of that is bc of M.A. being a nurse.) -Kaitlyn said to me at one point that being trained as a nurse midwife is WAY different than being trained as a direct entry midwife - more like she was putting someone down than building up the program - if you know what I mean.
Take heart, you still have a lot of time. Try and release your stress, you don't want a stressed out baby. What can I do to help? Can I come over and babysit while you go out or stay in and relax or do something fun??? No charge, of course - HaHa!
July 21, 2010 at 9:55 PM
yeah you have the tarot thing correct but that is the card i will be in during the birth, which is the problem. not facing issues... inability to act... these do not bode well.
i know baby has time to turn but it scares me anyway... rowan was head-down all along, so this is new. as for the iron, i was anemic the whole time with her despite taking iron supplements, so i have very little hope that i will be able to change it this time either. the only reason i was allowed to labor at the BC last time was because somebody flubbed and assumed i was seeing the hematologist for my IRON LEVELS and not for my blood disorder.
i totally agree about the lack of practicing the midwifery model, but that's all i'm going to say there.
i would love a day off sometime :) but i can't imagine what i would even do with one...