two good things happened to me last night in my sleep.
the first was that i managed to combat a leg cramp so that it never fully materialized--sounds trivial but those are seriously the worst things ever. not being in excruciating pain was nice.
the second was that i had my first successful complete-birth dream. never had one with rowan, hadn't had one with this guy (or ever in my life, for that matter), but last night it was labor and delivery all the way. there was no pain, however, but i'm not surprised at that. i dreamed that i was on hands and knees and there was a woman with longish blonde hair and sterile gloves catching him. i find it interesting that there was a "helper" present.
i had just finished reading ina may's guide to childbirth and a bit that really stuck to me was this:
it makes sense to me that this may be the answer to my (typically unspoken) fears that rowan's birth will repeat itself. i was totally passive going into it, and i stayed that way throughout. sure, i fought for the prenatal care i wanted and/or didn't want, and i had tons of opinions about what was supposed to happen or i didn't want to happen, but my deepest attitudes were those of complacency, and in the end i submitted to everyone who told me to do something i didn't want. maybe this time, after all the fighting i am having to do for my homebirth, i really do need a new perspective on birth. why not be assertive, even aggressive about the whole thing, if only internally? as the lightbulb turned on of its own accord in a moment of realization--and lead to an emotionally-productive dream--i'm going with it. i don't think inspiration should be disregarded.
*roar*
the first was that i managed to combat a leg cramp so that it never fully materialized--sounds trivial but those are seriously the worst things ever. not being in excruciating pain was nice.
the second was that i had my first successful complete-birth dream. never had one with rowan, hadn't had one with this guy (or ever in my life, for that matter), but last night it was labor and delivery all the way. there was no pain, however, but i'm not surprised at that. i dreamed that i was on hands and knees and there was a woman with longish blonde hair and sterile gloves catching him. i find it interesting that there was a "helper" present.
i had just finished reading ina may's guide to childbirth and a bit that really stuck to me was this:
"...it is important to face each birth like a bull, with full force, no fear or hesitation, with the attitude that you can do this and you aren't going to hold back. this is your opportunity to feel your power as a woman, inhibitions not allowed." (p. 28)i started to wonder if my "let it happen" attitude has been all wrong... my conviction that the most important thing is to not be in control, and to flow along on labor's currents, wherever they take me... so i imagined myself psychically charging in like a bull, grabbing birth with both hands and DOING IT instead of passively experiencing it, and it felt so much different than anything i have thought of before regarding birth. it was shortly after this that i dreamed of a full birth, no blackouts or mystery deliveries.
it makes sense to me that this may be the answer to my (typically unspoken) fears that rowan's birth will repeat itself. i was totally passive going into it, and i stayed that way throughout. sure, i fought for the prenatal care i wanted and/or didn't want, and i had tons of opinions about what was supposed to happen or i didn't want to happen, but my deepest attitudes were those of complacency, and in the end i submitted to everyone who told me to do something i didn't want. maybe this time, after all the fighting i am having to do for my homebirth, i really do need a new perspective on birth. why not be assertive, even aggressive about the whole thing, if only internally? as the lightbulb turned on of its own accord in a moment of realization--and lead to an emotionally-productive dream--i'm going with it. i don't think inspiration should be disregarded.
*roar*
Posts
July 27, 2010 at 10:34 PM
Yes! THIS raw energy is what birth is about!
July 29, 2010 at 8:42 AM
I just put this book on hold at the library. I have GOT TO read this!
I am glad to hear that you got an inspiring dream, did you feel like you were at home and comfortable, in the dream?
July 29, 2010 at 10:25 AM
i guess in some deep part of myself i have been holding on to the idea that woman's power is subtle and flowing, not "charging in like a bull" which to me seems so 'male'...but thinking of birth in that way is changing my attitudes a lot. ina may says to "let your monkey do it" which is silly but so helpful at the same time. i'd rather let my lioness do it :). never would've thought i had one of those, but i guess we'll find out.
i was definitely comfortable, and probably at home, but honestly i'm not sure. i know i was totally absorbed in the process and/but my surroundings were not at all hostile or sterile.