i mentioned a friend is currently in labor... well i realized a little while ago that i dreamed about her last night (for the first time ever) and what i dreamed was that she had just had her son and i was talking to her, thinking "she is so different now." she was calmer, softer, and very open-seeming. kind of weird that i dreamed of her with the baby and now she's in labor!
after the emotional rollercoaster of yesterday, today is like pure sunshine. i am feeling full and whole in an indescribably palpable way. last night i vegetated with the TV *ugh* and watched some stupid magician show, but for whatever reason it was really soothing... as i was watching it i felt like i was getting a massage all over. maybe it had nothing to do with the show itself, but it was definitely interesting. today i'm carrying that around--i can almost feel invisible fingers massaging me, knitting pieces back together and smoothing everything out. it's very pleasant, though completely inexplicable. reading about "womb power" and healing stuff is adding to it...
i don't know if i ever mentioned this but i made some "birth art" a few months ago... birthing from within talks about how important it is, and matt wasn't home to tease me, so i decided to draw "what labor looks like" from my perspective. it was an interesting experience. i drew myself seated or squatting with my legs wide out, and a spiral emanation containing the whole universe radiating from the belly/birth canal area, with green and pink (for rowan) and dark blue (for space) with little stars in it... my hair is long and wild all around me, my eyes are closed and my face is peaceful except the glowing opened eye in the center of my forehead. my hands are hidden behind my legs and my arms are just there, not needed... and there are stars and spirals all around my head as a reminder of the billions of women who did this before me and will do this after me. there is a dark teal ocean below me and brushing my ankles. and the tattoo on my chest is glowing also. i'm not sure exactly what i learned from drawing that, but i can say it was totally intuitive (and not very well-executed) and probably means something personally significant; who knows what, though. i was happy to see, when i finished, that i drew my face so calm and all that support hovering around me... i AM confident, and i have faith that i will remain that way.
after the emotional rollercoaster of yesterday, today is like pure sunshine. i am feeling full and whole in an indescribably palpable way. last night i vegetated with the TV *ugh* and watched some stupid magician show, but for whatever reason it was really soothing... as i was watching it i felt like i was getting a massage all over. maybe it had nothing to do with the show itself, but it was definitely interesting. today i'm carrying that around--i can almost feel invisible fingers massaging me, knitting pieces back together and smoothing everything out. it's very pleasant, though completely inexplicable. reading about "womb power" and healing stuff is adding to it...
i don't know if i ever mentioned this but i made some "birth art" a few months ago... birthing from within talks about how important it is, and matt wasn't home to tease me, so i decided to draw "what labor looks like" from my perspective. it was an interesting experience. i drew myself seated or squatting with my legs wide out, and a spiral emanation containing the whole universe radiating from the belly/birth canal area, with green and pink (for rowan) and dark blue (for space) with little stars in it... my hair is long and wild all around me, my eyes are closed and my face is peaceful except the glowing opened eye in the center of my forehead. my hands are hidden behind my legs and my arms are just there, not needed... and there are stars and spirals all around my head as a reminder of the billions of women who did this before me and will do this after me. there is a dark teal ocean below me and brushing my ankles. and the tattoo on my chest is glowing also. i'm not sure exactly what i learned from drawing that, but i can say it was totally intuitive (and not very well-executed) and probably means something personally significant; who knows what, though. i was happy to see, when i finished, that i drew my face so calm and all that support hovering around me... i AM confident, and i have faith that i will remain that way.
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March 10, 2009 at 4:56 PM
I did some of the Birthing from within exercises too and I found they were very helpful to pin down some fears I had about birth and helped me to deal with them. your picture sounds very cool and like you have a very positive image of birth. That is wonderful! :)
Glad you are feeling better and hope your friend is doing well and has her baby soon. :)
March 11, 2009 at 10:07 AM
yeah, i was kind of surprised too--i know exactly what my fears are, but apparently my subconscious refuses to entertain them! :)
i hope you are well too...