september mama

there is some slight, though undeveloped, tension in my household regarding the manner in which i will give birth. we've only discussed it once, but it was clear that matt is nervous about--if not totally opposed to--having a home birth. he was completely into doing it at the birth center, though, which is nice, but in my opinion it's mostly because he has been there and worked on the place before, so he's familiar with it. home birth is something he has no clue about, so it's scary for him.

for me, however, i am fighting the feeling that the birth center is a big compromise. it's not my fantasy birth, but i guess i can do it if he is really uncomfortable with us being at home. it's perfectly reasonable for him to feel more secure with us at the birth center, but i have this deep desire to do it alone, with only matt there. just us, intimate and personal as it is. maybe it's too much pressure on him and that's the problem... or maybe he's just being prudent.

i think the best thing i can do to convert him to a home-birther is to make him watch the videos of unassisted birth i've seen so that he understands why it makes a difference... it's SO unlike "traditional" birth that it's almost not the same thing at all. i'll just have to hope he's willing to watch other women give birth, lol.

and i do realize i am being a little bit crazy with regards to this and that i should feel lucky that he's not pushing me to birth in a hospital. ...that ain't happening except in my nightmares!