and bask in the undeniable truth of the pregnant woman's intuition!
IT'S A GIRL! weeee :)
yes, i dreamed of boys, but even so (as you may go back and read at any time) i felt it was a girl from the very beginning. i'm amused that the psychic was wrong, and interested to re-interpret my little 'king of wands' incidents... i already have a theory on what that might have meant since baby is a girly girl.
props to my mom, lauren, traci, and everybody else who said they thought it was girl too.
now a brief rant/concerned discussion about what happened during the ultrasound appt:
i was scheduled at 4pm but the doc (this is the guy who backs-up EVERY midwife in gainesville) had a couple of unexpected surgeries so he didn't actually see me until 830... i have heard amazing things about him from so many people, but frankly i was not impressed. i didn't even really like him at all. i found him condescending and completely uninspiring (strike 1).
then all he wanted to talk about was my blood thing. he said 'you have factor v leiden, heterozygous?'--"yes"--a disbelieving stare, then, 'how do you know that?'--UHHH let me check... a psychic told me? (strike 2) --"i was tested at shands hematology/oncology last may." wtf? then he got all concerned, wanted my history and my dad's, and basically said in no uncertain terms that he couldn't believe the birth center didn't risk me out (strike 3). so my defenses shoot up and i am internally cursing and screaming at myself for even setting foot in his office, knowing that anything he says to the midwives comes down like the word of god. i just fucked my chances and i know it. so i start explaining that the hema told me it's fine, blah blah, i'm getting a letter, the BC wasn't worried; trying to salvage any hope i might have of him NOT ruining my birth, despite the fact that he was obviously not hearing a word i said. he also kept using phrases like "required to be on prophylaxis (ie, heparin)" and all i could think was 'REQUIRED?! who the fuck is going to force me to take it?' but of course i just tried not to bare my teeth at him instead. really bad start for this guy.
now i realize, i really do, that he is used to sub-intelligent, docile women who believe "doctor knows best" and expect him to tell them exactly how to wipe their asses properly, so i don't totally blame him for his flippant attitude... but it was 100% the wrong way to approach me, and if he had looked at my face just once he would've caught that and maybe our relationship could have been saved. but he didn't. and i'm not like the women he is used to.
on to the ultrasound... wow!! she is huge! perfect little legs and arms, she was moving and kicking all over the place, organs in the right places, she sucked her thumb, and at one point gave us a gorgeous profile shot too. as for the indication of her sex... no question there! it was clearly a girl's apparatus. i was so happy... we'll be getting the pics as soon as i bring in a usb drive for them. he altered my due date to may 7 but we're pretending like it didn't change since it's so close to the original estimate anyway.
so, then it's over and instead of politely giving me the towels to wipe the goo off my partially-exposed pubic area, he roughly starts rubbing it off for me. WTF? i already didn't like him, i don't like male doctors, i don't want them touching me even if i DO like them, and he's literally centimeters from assaulting me. it was not a good experience but in the end it was worth knowing she's a girl. and by the end of the appt he basically said he was going to do his own research on fvl and then talk to the BC about it. so we'll see what happens...
today i saw the BC and talked with them about the labor-monitoring situation and the dilation checks, and have good news on one side (dilation only *has* to be checked twice) and neutral news on the other (doppler legally required every 5 min during pushing). so. at least i know what i can say no to and what i have to endure if i stay with them.
matt keeps being really helpful and telling me if we end up at the hospital that he won't let them do anything to me i don't want... he says "i'll bring a gun if i have to" and i laugh, knowing he's only half-kidding. at least he means to protect me at all costs. it is comforting. but i don't know how to tell him i'm having it at home with no help before i will go to the hospital... that won't fall into his comprehensible paradigm of possibilities: how can he protect me if it's just me and the baby, no antagonist? something tells me he will be really uncomfortable with that.
last night was good though, in a 3 of swords sort of way (thanks baby); it was like the final test to lay it all out there and see what the powers-that-be decide about my fate, and whether i will go along with them or not. i think my decision is made, and i have acquired a pretty fatalistic attitude about the whole thing: if they say no BC, i say no help at all. if the BC is ok, we'll do it that way either at home or the center. it feels like the right way to decide it--let the universe take over.
matt was cute when i told him it's a girl... he didn't seem disappointed like i was afraid he might. though he did say we'll just have to make a boy next time :). he said he hopes she looks just like me "but a smidge taller and she'll be perfect." lol.
IT'S A GIRL! weeee :)
yes, i dreamed of boys, but even so (as you may go back and read at any time) i felt it was a girl from the very beginning. i'm amused that the psychic was wrong, and interested to re-interpret my little 'king of wands' incidents... i already have a theory on what that might have meant since baby is a girly girl.
props to my mom, lauren, traci, and everybody else who said they thought it was girl too.
now a brief rant/concerned discussion about what happened during the ultrasound appt:
i was scheduled at 4pm but the doc (this is the guy who backs-up EVERY midwife in gainesville) had a couple of unexpected surgeries so he didn't actually see me until 830... i have heard amazing things about him from so many people, but frankly i was not impressed. i didn't even really like him at all. i found him condescending and completely uninspiring (strike 1).
then all he wanted to talk about was my blood thing. he said 'you have factor v leiden, heterozygous?'--"yes"--a disbelieving stare, then, 'how do you know that?'--UHHH let me check... a psychic told me? (strike 2) --"i was tested at shands hematology/oncology last may." wtf? then he got all concerned, wanted my history and my dad's, and basically said in no uncertain terms that he couldn't believe the birth center didn't risk me out (strike 3). so my defenses shoot up and i am internally cursing and screaming at myself for even setting foot in his office, knowing that anything he says to the midwives comes down like the word of god. i just fucked my chances and i know it. so i start explaining that the hema told me it's fine, blah blah, i'm getting a letter, the BC wasn't worried; trying to salvage any hope i might have of him NOT ruining my birth, despite the fact that he was obviously not hearing a word i said. he also kept using phrases like "required to be on prophylaxis (ie, heparin)" and all i could think was 'REQUIRED?! who the fuck is going to force me to take it?' but of course i just tried not to bare my teeth at him instead. really bad start for this guy.
now i realize, i really do, that he is used to sub-intelligent, docile women who believe "doctor knows best" and expect him to tell them exactly how to wipe their asses properly, so i don't totally blame him for his flippant attitude... but it was 100% the wrong way to approach me, and if he had looked at my face just once he would've caught that and maybe our relationship could have been saved. but he didn't. and i'm not like the women he is used to.
on to the ultrasound... wow!! she is huge! perfect little legs and arms, she was moving and kicking all over the place, organs in the right places, she sucked her thumb, and at one point gave us a gorgeous profile shot too. as for the indication of her sex... no question there! it was clearly a girl's apparatus. i was so happy... we'll be getting the pics as soon as i bring in a usb drive for them. he altered my due date to may 7 but we're pretending like it didn't change since it's so close to the original estimate anyway.
so, then it's over and instead of politely giving me the towels to wipe the goo off my partially-exposed pubic area, he roughly starts rubbing it off for me. WTF? i already didn't like him, i don't like male doctors, i don't want them touching me even if i DO like them, and he's literally centimeters from assaulting me. it was not a good experience but in the end it was worth knowing she's a girl. and by the end of the appt he basically said he was going to do his own research on fvl and then talk to the BC about it. so we'll see what happens...
today i saw the BC and talked with them about the labor-monitoring situation and the dilation checks, and have good news on one side (dilation only *has* to be checked twice) and neutral news on the other (doppler legally required every 5 min during pushing). so. at least i know what i can say no to and what i have to endure if i stay with them.
matt keeps being really helpful and telling me if we end up at the hospital that he won't let them do anything to me i don't want... he says "i'll bring a gun if i have to" and i laugh, knowing he's only half-kidding. at least he means to protect me at all costs. it is comforting. but i don't know how to tell him i'm having it at home with no help before i will go to the hospital... that won't fall into his comprehensible paradigm of possibilities: how can he protect me if it's just me and the baby, no antagonist? something tells me he will be really uncomfortable with that.
last night was good though, in a 3 of swords sort of way (thanks baby); it was like the final test to lay it all out there and see what the powers-that-be decide about my fate, and whether i will go along with them or not. i think my decision is made, and i have acquired a pretty fatalistic attitude about the whole thing: if they say no BC, i say no help at all. if the BC is ok, we'll do it that way either at home or the center. it feels like the right way to decide it--let the universe take over.
matt was cute when i told him it's a girl... he didn't seem disappointed like i was afraid he might. though he did say we'll just have to make a boy next time :). he said he hopes she looks just like me "but a smidge taller and she'll be perfect." lol.
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