i'm feeling a bit better than i was the other day. i think the bedtime thing really got to me and made me freak out about everything else; possibly. possibly not. anyway, today is ok.
i don't know if this had anything to do with it, but i babysat my nephew for a few hours and rowan is just so impossibly sweet to him, even when i am holding him, feeding him a bottle, playing with him, etc... she just wants to kiss him and give him toys. no jealousy whatsoever. i hope it is not just because he is a novelty, but i guess we will see. it gives me some optimism that maybe she won't hate me when the new baby arrives... i had a little epiphany last night--pretty DUH moment, but i needed it--i have been thinking of the new baby coming in and taking rowan's place, in her mind, but it occurred to me that there is no reason for her (or me, or anyone) to see it that way... there is room for everyone. love isn't bounded like that, and i believe that if i let her participate in loving him as much as she wants to, there's no reason it shouldn't be a blissful little group, as opposed to a competition. i realized that i assume a lot about toddler behavior, even when rowan is typically the opposite of the "me-me" child. i think she will LOVE having a little brother around, actually.
after i had this moment of understanding, it also occurred to me that i had inadvertently--or at least subconsciously--pushed his arrival date back. i am now quite unsure when he is going to be born, but i don't think it's as early as i thought. i am feeling october, and trying to undo whatever my anxiety and stress changed... i want him to come when HE is ready, not wait on my silly issues. i've heard of women "holding the baby in" and i don't want to do that. i'm trying to really embrace the image i had the other night of a delighted rowan and a cute little guy in my arms so that he knows we are ready whenever he is. but the name thing i can't do much about, so i hope it's not affecting his readiness.
despite that, last night i had so many contractions i started to seriously consider that i might be in very early labor (like the days-away-delivery kind). but today all is normal, so life goes on. i've got a ton of butter to make today and a pot of yogurt that needs to be distributed, plus laundry, and i should probably make cookies or something for my grandpa's birthday too. as well as cutting and wrapping my latest batch of soaps. plenty to do without going into labor!
i pulled up a bunch of sandspurs this morning already, and i've decided to let the big mama hen sit on a nest. our australorp hen is also laying now, as of last week, so we'll still get one egg a day this way. my plan is for the next two nights to put all the eggs in big mama's nest, to get a head start on filling it, and then go back to collecting one and leaving one every night. when she has enough to sit on, she'll stay. i'm going to mark them "a" and "b" (for australorp and barred rock) so that i know whose were fertilized in case some don't hatch. i chose the big mama barred rock to brood because she is generally friendlier and practically lets me touch her; and she's older. whatever that means. we're also going to breed one of the rabbits tonight or later this week, and plans are in the works to get butters inseminated. her milk supply has dropped by about a quart a day, so it's time to get her pregnant and start a fresh lactation cycle. and matt wants a meat calf anyway. it's finally starting to really cool down, so i think it's safe to let everybody breed...
speaking of which, i'm not sure i ever mentioned my plans for after this baby is born--we're "done" having kids, most likely, and matt wants a vasectomy but i am going to try the copper IUD before i let him do anything permanent. you never know. so; six weeks postpartum or as soon as they will let me, i'm doing it. it's crazy that we went several years without reliable or consistent birth control and no pregnancy, and then all of a sudden i'm pregnant twice in a row at the first incidence of an accident. i definitely don't want to have another accident, and i'm fine with non-hormonal IUDs... i'd love to rely on the FAM but i just can't risk it. we're not ready for three kids.
off to get going on the rest of my chores for the day...
i don't know if this had anything to do with it, but i babysat my nephew for a few hours and rowan is just so impossibly sweet to him, even when i am holding him, feeding him a bottle, playing with him, etc... she just wants to kiss him and give him toys. no jealousy whatsoever. i hope it is not just because he is a novelty, but i guess we will see. it gives me some optimism that maybe she won't hate me when the new baby arrives... i had a little epiphany last night--pretty DUH moment, but i needed it--i have been thinking of the new baby coming in and taking rowan's place, in her mind, but it occurred to me that there is no reason for her (or me, or anyone) to see it that way... there is room for everyone. love isn't bounded like that, and i believe that if i let her participate in loving him as much as she wants to, there's no reason it shouldn't be a blissful little group, as opposed to a competition. i realized that i assume a lot about toddler behavior, even when rowan is typically the opposite of the "me-me" child. i think she will LOVE having a little brother around, actually.
after i had this moment of understanding, it also occurred to me that i had inadvertently--or at least subconsciously--pushed his arrival date back. i am now quite unsure when he is going to be born, but i don't think it's as early as i thought. i am feeling october, and trying to undo whatever my anxiety and stress changed... i want him to come when HE is ready, not wait on my silly issues. i've heard of women "holding the baby in" and i don't want to do that. i'm trying to really embrace the image i had the other night of a delighted rowan and a cute little guy in my arms so that he knows we are ready whenever he is. but the name thing i can't do much about, so i hope it's not affecting his readiness.
despite that, last night i had so many contractions i started to seriously consider that i might be in very early labor (like the days-away-delivery kind). but today all is normal, so life goes on. i've got a ton of butter to make today and a pot of yogurt that needs to be distributed, plus laundry, and i should probably make cookies or something for my grandpa's birthday too. as well as cutting and wrapping my latest batch of soaps. plenty to do without going into labor!
i pulled up a bunch of sandspurs this morning already, and i've decided to let the big mama hen sit on a nest. our australorp hen is also laying now, as of last week, so we'll still get one egg a day this way. my plan is for the next two nights to put all the eggs in big mama's nest, to get a head start on filling it, and then go back to collecting one and leaving one every night. when she has enough to sit on, she'll stay. i'm going to mark them "a" and "b" (for australorp and barred rock) so that i know whose were fertilized in case some don't hatch. i chose the big mama barred rock to brood because she is generally friendlier and practically lets me touch her; and she's older. whatever that means. we're also going to breed one of the rabbits tonight or later this week, and plans are in the works to get butters inseminated. her milk supply has dropped by about a quart a day, so it's time to get her pregnant and start a fresh lactation cycle. and matt wants a meat calf anyway. it's finally starting to really cool down, so i think it's safe to let everybody breed...
speaking of which, i'm not sure i ever mentioned my plans for after this baby is born--we're "done" having kids, most likely, and matt wants a vasectomy but i am going to try the copper IUD before i let him do anything permanent. you never know. so; six weeks postpartum or as soon as they will let me, i'm doing it. it's crazy that we went several years without reliable or consistent birth control and no pregnancy, and then all of a sudden i'm pregnant twice in a row at the first incidence of an accident. i definitely don't want to have another accident, and i'm fine with non-hormonal IUDs... i'd love to rely on the FAM but i just can't risk it. we're not ready for three kids.
off to get going on the rest of my chores for the day...
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