things like the logistics of the day of, what i still want to do before she gets here, more about the attendants, what my parents will do while they wait, and start-to-finish imaginings of the labor process itself.
because i am--for unexplainable reasons--quite self-conscious and filled with a certain amount of body dysmorphic sensibilities, i have been a little uncomfortable thinking about being naked and birthing in front of strangers. or even people i like. i worry that my body will be gross and unattractive during birth, and it kind of scares me for matt to have see that. and then i found this:
[about being naked and putting your butt in the midwife's face]
client: For me, it was a combination of believing part of it was pregnancy, not fat...and also the fact that I have a hard time *really* seeing how I look.
Hopefully midwives see enough naked (or partially so) bodies that they really don't pay attention anymore. Besides that, they don't all have figures like Pamela Anderson themselves.
midwife: OK, I really had to laugh at this. I weigh much more than most of my clients, even at term. I am definitely not the Pamela Anderson type. [Very Big Grin.]
I just wanted to chime in from a midwife's perspective.
Believe it or not, it barely even registers with me whether a woman is clothed or not; part of my brain might note that she's showing a "loss of inhibition", which is an emotional signpost of labor progress for some women.
Other than that, I just don't care, as long as the baby can find the way out of whatever she's wearing.
Sometimes the line between clothed and unclothed gets really blurred in labor. We often associate nakedness with vulnerability, but laboring women are so powerful that this gets all skewed. In fact, sometimes I get a little blurred on the clothed or unclothed thing myself and forget whether I'm naked or not. I still do a mental check when I walk out the door of my house to make sure I'm wearing clothes.
About pushing things out in midwives' faces, it might help to know that midwives generally get all excited about any and all excretory functions, because they are often a sign of progress. We're glad to see waters (in labor), we're glad to see pee at just about anytime, we're glad to see appropriate bleeding as a sign of progress, we're glad to see vomiting as a sign of transition, and we're always very excited to see the "positive poop sign". And we're very, very glad to see that baby coming out!
Truly, anyone who's attended a few births has seen it all; squeamish people don't attend more than a few, and the others are generally quite pleased to see whatever's coming out of your body.
So, let it all come down and out. [Grin]
gross it may be, but that made me feel better. she is right--laboring women are SO POWERFUL--it's beyond silly to imagine there is any worry about clothing or conforming to conventional images of beauty and crap like that. all the birth videos i have seen have made me forget that the woman is naked and imperfect, i just see birth and she's doing it. she's someplace else, someone else, completely out of herself with the process and the power. these fears i have are all ego-based and mean nothing in labor...
on a related yet dissimilar note, i do plan to discuss the vaginal exams with the midwives on tuesday during my appointment. i have read enough to learn that there is an argument against doing regular cervical checks, most especially if/when the mother is made uncomfortable by them (or has any history of abuse). in my case they make me freeze up, as if my spirit is retracting and clenching against the intrusion on my space. i do not feel safe when i am being invaded by a doctor, gentle and/or professional as she may be. so i hope we can limit the number of internals to the absolute minimum, because i will be a lot more comfortable that way.
(i just went brain dead and totally lost my train of thought here)
i think i found a holistic pediatrician though, so that's awesome. he's the only holistic doc i could find in gainesville and he is a board certified pediatrician to boot. i called him and he's interesting... he made a point of saying he "won't" go to hospital. i'm not sure exactly what that means, but i definitely plan to meet him and see what's up. i have no fear about being able to get an adequate conventional doc if i have to, but it would be really nice not to have to. it's kind of unfair the way "they" "make" you go to all these ridiculous infant appointments for checkups all the time... if baby is healthy why do you need to? so they can chart her weight gain and make sure it fits the overweight american curve? enforce vaccine schedules? milk you for cash? i don't know. here again maybe i am overconfident but i just don't really think i need anybody to tell me whether my baby is healthy; if she eats often, she's gaining (some amount of) weight, and she doesn't seem sick or weird, why do i have to take her to the doctor? blah.
i guess i just have enough trust in life and human physiology to say 'we've been doing this a long time' and hope/assume that nature will sort itself out. *shrug* but whatever, i will find a doctor i can deal with and i will most likely do as i am told by the unwritten rules, for the most part.
anyway i just found something better to post.
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