i get it now.
with rowan, i never had any "real" cravings, or if i did they were not unusual enough for me to question instantly satisfying them... but lately i have been mentally drooling over something i haven't eaten in 15+ years.
beef. red, juicy, filthy, ex-animal flesh. i want it SO BADLY. i have absolutely no interest in chicken or pork, just beef. steak. ribs. oh man...
in all the years i was non-red meat, then vegetarian, then vegan, and now 'no feathers or fur' i have never once desired the taste or nutritional content of a quadruped. it's so strange to suddenly want it; at first i wasn't sure what i was craving, and it wasn't until several nights of looking at matt's steaks and thinking 'that looks pretty good..?' that it became clear i actually want to eat meat. even thinking about poor cows likely mistreated horribly before what i can only hope is a quick death doesn't deter the urge to eat it. it's a physical craving. and it's pretty disturbing.
i've been trying really hard to sublimate the cravings into something else, because i don't want to cross that line (even in pregnancy when i "have an excuse")... but then i think, well obviously the baby needs it for some reason, so i'd better go ahead and do it. it's sort of a dilemma because spiritually (or whatever) i don't want to be a carnivore living off other relatively sentient beings' bodies, but at the same time, doing it even if i don't want to is sort of an equal sacrifice for the sake of my baby. right? maybe i'm just rationalizing.
the fact is, i don't want it, but my body is demanding that i need to eat it. how am i supposed to argue with that?!
with rowan, i never had any "real" cravings, or if i did they were not unusual enough for me to question instantly satisfying them... but lately i have been mentally drooling over something i haven't eaten in 15+ years.
beef. red, juicy, filthy, ex-animal flesh. i want it SO BADLY. i have absolutely no interest in chicken or pork, just beef. steak. ribs. oh man...
in all the years i was non-red meat, then vegetarian, then vegan, and now 'no feathers or fur' i have never once desired the taste or nutritional content of a quadruped. it's so strange to suddenly want it; at first i wasn't sure what i was craving, and it wasn't until several nights of looking at matt's steaks and thinking 'that looks pretty good..?' that it became clear i actually want to eat meat. even thinking about poor cows likely mistreated horribly before what i can only hope is a quick death doesn't deter the urge to eat it. it's a physical craving. and it's pretty disturbing.
i've been trying really hard to sublimate the cravings into something else, because i don't want to cross that line (even in pregnancy when i "have an excuse")... but then i think, well obviously the baby needs it for some reason, so i'd better go ahead and do it. it's sort of a dilemma because spiritually (or whatever) i don't want to be a carnivore living off other relatively sentient beings' bodies, but at the same time, doing it even if i don't want to is sort of an equal sacrifice for the sake of my baby. right? maybe i'm just rationalizing.
the fact is, i don't want it, but my body is demanding that i need to eat it. how am i supposed to argue with that?!
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