so while i am in the main concerned with either:
1) finding a midwife who is willing to attend me
or
2) preparing myself utterly for a 'freebirth' assisted by good samaritans* only
i am also thinking about the smaller things that worry me, like what about my horribly scarred perineum? should i be doing anything to get it ready? who can tell me this if i have no midwife? tearing badly over scar tissue is the last thing i need to be concerned with right now...
i'm thinking about this baby being breech. i'm thinking that i should be having aquanatal sessions. i'm wondering when and what to get for the homebirth in terms of supplies.
i know these things can be gleaned on the internets but i like to talk about them face-to-face. i'm feeling a lack of womanly care that i have become accustomed to... i think that is the root of it. it's not a doctor-figure i lack, it's a wiser, older woman to chat with me about pregnancy. someone who really knows what she is talking about from seeing 100s of births first-hand.
i realize more and more that i really have no desire for a midwife to attend me during birth, but i feel like i need it beforehand, for some reason. i've had zero response to the emails i have sent both to my old midwife's practice and another one. i did get a response from a third but i am not ready to call her yet, as i have no relationship with her and don't want to start a new one unless i have to.
so that's what i'm thinking about lately...
and i had a dream about little mister last night. he wasn't "born," as none of my dreams seem to allow that to happen, but he came out of a bloody little wrapped package of uterus and nursed like a fiend. he had dark hair, which i expect, but i didn't see his eye color. he was little.
*now, WHY doesn't that apply if i call a midwife at the last minute during a birth emergency? if she is acting gratuitously and outside of a patient-practitioner relationship, what is the problem?!
1) finding a midwife who is willing to attend me
or
2) preparing myself utterly for a 'freebirth' assisted by good samaritans* only
i am also thinking about the smaller things that worry me, like what about my horribly scarred perineum? should i be doing anything to get it ready? who can tell me this if i have no midwife? tearing badly over scar tissue is the last thing i need to be concerned with right now...
i'm thinking about this baby being breech. i'm thinking that i should be having aquanatal sessions. i'm wondering when and what to get for the homebirth in terms of supplies.
i know these things can be gleaned on the internets but i like to talk about them face-to-face. i'm feeling a lack of womanly care that i have become accustomed to... i think that is the root of it. it's not a doctor-figure i lack, it's a wiser, older woman to chat with me about pregnancy. someone who really knows what she is talking about from seeing 100s of births first-hand.
i realize more and more that i really have no desire for a midwife to attend me during birth, but i feel like i need it beforehand, for some reason. i've had zero response to the emails i have sent both to my old midwife's practice and another one. i did get a response from a third but i am not ready to call her yet, as i have no relationship with her and don't want to start a new one unless i have to.
so that's what i'm thinking about lately...
and i had a dream about little mister last night. he wasn't "born," as none of my dreams seem to allow that to happen, but he came out of a bloody little wrapped package of uterus and nursed like a fiend. he had dark hair, which i expect, but i didn't see his eye color. he was little.
*now, WHY doesn't that apply if i call a midwife at the last minute during a birth emergency? if she is acting gratuitously and outside of a patient-practitioner relationship, what is the problem?!
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