september mama

with everything in a huff over H1N1* and with rowan being "of age" for vaccines, they have been on my mind a lot lately. needless to say, we will not be taking any flu shots of ANY kind this year, or ever. but i digress; i do not want to rant or seem like the crackhead i may well be, in this post at least. ha.

i'm keeping a running list on sites where we can find info on vaccines from both sides of the story.

i'll put the newest on top, and barring a change of heart later, will not organize them otherwise.

vaccines' dark inferno: what isn't on the insert label

swine flu vaccine may be linked to neurological disorder

whale.to, vaccination **

the vaccine page (balanced, both sides info available)

informed choice (ingredients)

national vaccine information center

CDC, vaccine safety

institute of vaccine safety

vaccination liberation information (ingredients)

national vaccine injury compensation program

the polio vaccine: a critical assessment of its arcane history, efficacy, and long-term health-related consequences


*yes, naturally i think there is MUCH more to this story than "oops, the pigs somehow got bird flu and now it jumped to humans!" much more. start here, and then ask yourself how the hell they can carry out safety studies in august for a vaccine they will be able to mass produce and distribute worldwide by october... and why there are urban military exercises being carried out in cities all across the US, and why the pentagon is trying so hard to get permission to activate branches of the military "in case of an emergency...?" imagine this highly improbable, but not impossible, scenario: first, whip the population into a frenzy of fear over a very common illness with so many strains that are indistinguishable outside of laboratory confirmation, so everyone with a sniffle fears for their life. next, and this is the easy part--convince them it was a natural mutation of the common virus. then swoop in and assure them that you have it under control and the corps are "working around the clock" to produce a vaccine for this "natural" illness, and promise to have it ready just in time to save them (nevermind that anyone with half a brain would realize you cannot react to a natural virus mutation that quickly). in reality, you already have the "vaccine" waiting, with a small percentage of doses containing live, infectious virus. next, administer the shots to the wiling and eager, and watch the 'pandemic' finally live up to its name--and since you've been acting like it was already a real problem, the sheep are primed to expect it and will not question the rapid spread or wonder about the timing--infecting more people to the point that the vaccines are now declared mandatory. in comes martial law, forced inoculation (or infection, if you are an unlucky one), and the virus continues to spread.

obviously the goal here is population control, no question. why? any number of reasons. but i'm not evil, so i'm not privy to their logic, i just follow the path of my own when i see things looking fishy.

or maybe i'm just paranoid. but that doesn't mean they're not after me (or you).

**whale.to has a lot of really great info on health-related stuff. fascinating reading in most cases.

things have really normalized for us now, which i guess isn't surprising considering rowan is 3 months old today! geez. time flies...

everything is great, she's down to one feeding per night, she's happy--laughing--and babbling, finally outgrowing some of those newborn clothes, and putting on a little fat. work is totally no big deal and my mom is really enjoying having time with her, which is nice. she doesn't seem to mind my absence either.

we didn't get her vaccinated at her 2 month appt, which was kind of a big deal to the doc, the intern, and the random third authority figure in the room against me at the appointment, but whatever. they were trying to intimidate me but that doesn't usually work on me for one thing, and for another, i know what's in those things! and contrary to what i am sure they are used to, i HAVE read all about the vaccines and their respective diseases. nonetheless, i was sent home with lots of scary reading material and given numerous subtle reminders that i'm risking the entire "herd immunity" by not vaccinating her, etc etc... but i stood strong and said "maybe later, not now." yes, i was equivocating, but screw them. it is not a decision taken lightly, trust me--i just can't do it to her. but i imagine this conversation with myself (and matt, and maybe even rowan) will continue for the next few years, as i can't bring myself to say 'never' even though that's how i feel right now. blah.

i'm doing pretty well too, i think i've finally lost a few pounds(?) but i'm having a boob issue that kind of sucks a lot. i decided to go ahead and use the estrace cream one day, so i put a tiny bit down there where i needed it, and then read on drugs.com that it's totally contraindicated for breastfeeding, of course. so that was the only time i've used it... but the next day one of my boobs was really sore/tender, and since that was listed as a potential side effect, i brushed it off. but it really hurt to nurse, and kept up for about 36 hours when suddenly everything was normal again. i assumed it was the cream. but now it's happening again, same side, same sensation--there is no heat, redness, or obvious lump so i really didn't think it was a plugged duct, but i'm thinking that must be what it is. it HURTS. even when i'm not nursing, but moreso then (of course the best way to cure it is to nurse a lot and pump constantly until the block is cleared). all i can guess is that it's from rowan sleeping so long at night and the boob not draining regularly as a result. the thing is, the other side is the one that is prone to overfilling; my left breast has been operated on and produces about half as much as the right because apparently the surgeon had no regard for my future lactational abilities and just cut through whatever was in there when he removed the lump (this was when i was 19). so i'm wondering if maybe the scar tissue in there is partially the cause of the blockage...? anyway, it hurts and i want it to go away! the last time it was over pretty quickly on its own, but i'm going to try soaking it in hot water tonight because i'm tired of it.

speaking of tonight, matt's dad and stepmom are coming up. we've made a huge leg of lamb, some twice baked potatoes, veggies, and homemade pudding with timbales to impress them, lol. (of course since i don't eat land critters i'll be having fish instead.) i hope it turns out ok!

the next day:

ok dinner was great, my homemade pudding rocked, and now i know how to make funnel cake which was so tasty. my boob issue is 95% better too, after much nursing and manual expression.

"nana and pops," as they call themselves, wore rowan out this morning! she played and laughed with them for about an hour and half before crashing hard for a nap... i think we are going to visit matt at work later on, hopefully after lunch out somewhere :).

but back to the subject... about that paranoia re: getting pregnant from carelessness; apparently matt told our friends that he's 'trying to get [me] knocked up again.'

omfgwtf?!

you'd think he would've mentioned that to me first, but no. at least now i know why he doesn't seem to care about being safe... it's funny though, just the other night out of nowhere he said "so when do you want to have another baby?" and for whatever reason i didn't find that strange or get suspicious (as i should have, matt doesn't ask things like that nonchalantly) and i just said "i dunno whenever you do i guess" and didn't even bother to dig deeper. which is so unlike me. but i guess i got my answer, albeit not from the horse's mouth. and now comes the part where we are both ridiculous: now that i know his little plan, and since i am not altogether opposed, i have to continue to seem oblivious and just let things happen. because if i bring it up, or let him know i know his intentions, the pressure is on and it could turn him off the whole idea for years to come. i guess this pushy little spirit hanging around will have her way whenever she is ready, since the biological door will be open.

the only downside is now i will have to take a pregnancy test every month since i have no idea when to expect my period. or when i might suddenly find myself pregnant again. ah, the joys of "natural family planning" ...or lack thereof.*

it's really nice to hear that matt has let go of the whole being-broke-sucks issue, though... he seems to have learned that there are more important things to care about than money. and he loves being a daddy :)



*i felt distinctly pms-like mood swing issues a few days ago, so i assumed i was either pregnant or getting my period... test said no baby, and so far no period either. weird.

this may inflame someone, so here is another disclaimer, written in some slight annoyance at having to write it at all. yes, there are always cases where people are better off for having psych meds. i know this. i'm not talking about those cases. i'm talking about everybody else...

*sigh* let's start from the top:

via cryptogon:

Is there something more at work here besides chasing profits? The diabolical nature of this seems to go beyond the usual chasing profits explanation.

This has an inky black, low murmuring evil feel to it. Echoes of Dr. Mengele.

Also, pay attention to the “food” that these people are ingesting, and the physical appearance of the mothers. Holy crap. Have another breakfast stick, now with even more obesity and diabetes. Toxic waste for food and strong antipsychotics, antidepressants and mood stabilizers. This is the breakfast of champions for millions of American children, some as young as two.

Via: PBS Frontline:

In recent years, there’s been a dramatic increase in the number of children being diagnosed with serious psychiatric disorders and prescribed medications that are just beginning to be tested in children. The drugs can cause serious side effects, and virtually nothing is known about their long-term impact. “It’s really to some extent an experiment, trying medications in these children of this age,” child psychiatrist Dr. Patrick Bacon tells FRONTLINE. “It’s a gamble. And I tell parents there’s no way to know what’s going to work.”

as of january 2008 PBS had enough material--and there was enough controversy--to make a documentary questioning the wisdom of using UNTESTED psych meds on children diagnosed with very vague and broad-spectrum symptoms of various psychiatric disorders. the video is disturbing... poor kids are damaged permanently from the side effects of these drugs before they even have a fighting chance to develop normally and outgrow their "issues."

for me, the first thing i would ask myself if my child seemed really wacked would be, "what am i doing that could be causing this behavior? is she fed healthy foods? is she getting enough sleep? enough social interaction? enough love and affection?" and finally, "am i stressed out?"

children are NOT adults. they react very differently to stresses than adults do--they haven't learned to "cope" by stuffing their feelings inside. they express. everything. and sometimes maybe their bodies induce emotional reactions when physical needs are not being properly met (i.e., you feed them nothing but processed pHoods and after a year or so they start having temper tantrums every day).

fundamental problem #1: we are treating them for things they may not have because we do not bother to look into alternative explanations. we fail to adequately research the cause and effect cycle of ALL things we take for granted in modern life.

and now this, via msnbc (just the best parts here):

Panel: All teens should be tested for depression
2 million in U.S. are affected but most are undiagnosed, task force says
...
The task force said that when followed by treatment, including psychotherapy, screening can help improve symptoms and help kids cope. Because depression can lead to persistent sadness, social isolation, school problems and even suicide, screening to treat it early is crucial, the panel said.
...

Yet at the same time psychiatrists specializing in treating children and teens are scarce. A separate report, also released Monday in the Pediatrics journal, says primary care doctors including pediatricians and family physicians will need to get more involved in mental health care.

...

Most pediatricians aren't trained to do psychotherapy, but they can prescribe depression medication and monitor patients they've referred to others for therapy, he said.

holy f*&^. did we completely FORGET that teenagerdom is characterized by some amounts of depression/anxiety/stress which naturally accompany the vast physical, mental, and emotional changes going on during that period of our normal human development? what just happened here? but nevermind that, let's move on.

fundamental problem #2: if you need a questionnaire at the pediatricians office to tell you your kid is sad, isolated, failing school, and doing drugs, YOU FAIL as a parent. period. where is the responsibility of the parents to observe and interact with their children, that something like this even needs to be suggested?!

fundamental problem #3: we need to screen EVERYONE because 6% of a sub-population may be affected. that is what you call a massive waste of resources. but, in fact, since the goal here is nothing grander than to boost profits for drug companies selling psych meds (see #4), it will perfectly do its job--so many "undiagnosed" cases will come to light, and all good parents give their kids meds when dr. concerned says they should. on a related note, maybe if we had an insanely high teenage suicide rate--i.e., if the entire 6% of the undiagnosed kids were offing themselves for lack of treatment--MAYBE this testing would be justified. but since apparently the majority of these kids move on to be typical adults, what is the issue?

fundamental problem #4: re-read the last two paragraphs in the quote above. now think for a second. there aren't enough psychiatrists trained to deal with kids, so pediatricians will have to fill in the gaps AND/BUT all they can do is prescribe medication, not provide counseling. ah ha! now i get it. (nevermind the big problem with docs prescribing meds for conditions they *admittedly* are not trained to deal with.) it's all about the profits. you heard it straight from MSNBC!

i won't call this one "fundamental," but i also have to wonder where they got the number of "undiagnosed" depression cases from? if they are undiagnosed, how the hell do they know how many there are? wtf?

i don't know... to me, the very idea of chemically altering a child's brain--which is in a constant state of flux and adaptation to the world, developing structures and learning connections and whatnot--is Evil. truly Evil. it can do nothing but harm, and i don't care what anyone says to the contrary. yes, i would rather put up with screaming fits for 2 years than know that i am irreversibly damaging my child's development--and entire life, as a result--so that i can have a little peace and quiet.

why is it that we didn't see this kind of behavior in kids 15, 20, 30 years ago? my list of hypotheses goes like this:
- routine, excessive vaccinations of vulnerable infants
- pHood (i.e., products so detached from the original substance that used to be food, that they are chemically unrecognizable; i.e., basically everything from a box, can, or plastic package)
- high-fructose corn syrup
- fluoridated/chlorinated water supplies
- overuse of any/all medications
- environmental pollutants (mostly the indoor kind, from cleaning products, cosmetics, etc, but perhaps also the more widespread type as well)
- and equally important, bad parenting. yes, i blame the parents in many cases. kids need to be shown BY EXAMPLE how to live effectively in the world. when you model disaffectation, stress, egoism, and apathy, that is what they learn. i think our entire society has suffered as a result of the 2-working parent system which shoves our younglings off to what amounts to foster care for the bulk of their developing years. it's worse than anybody wants to admit, in my opinion... and i know many families have 'no choice' and i can sympathize with that to an extent. because really, there is always a choice. you can always make sacrifices. the question is, is it worth it to you?

in my world, we wouldn't need Supernanny because we would have communication and interaction on a level that makes sense for the child. we'd have time for them. sometimes i wonder if our parents didn't fail us... it was by their example that we learned to be parents, and so many of us are really terrible at it. was it just the 70s/80s/90s mentality that materialism is the ultimate goal that ruined everything? because that was so important to our parents, and we (i say "we" loosely here*) were left in daycare and fed convenience foods since they knew no better... and it left us without a model for good parenting? because most of us can say for sure that our parents were raised very differently than we were. i think the break came as they took their roles and parents and forgot what their own parents had taught them... they were too distracted by material acquisition and "doing better for [our] sakes." only it ended up producing a generation of ineffective, depressed, and gullible people who want somebody else to fix their problems. just a thought.

back to the point; my dear friend at cryptogon would say this program of screening and medicating children on a massive scale has more to do with long-term population control (through submission) and social engineering than anything else--as he mentions, and i mentioned, profits are a big factor, but there really does seem to be something else going on. Evil. why do we push so hard to ruin the future (our childrens' brains)? or better yet, why do we let THEM tell us we should?! why do they want to?

who benefits from this? certainly not the children...


*for the record, my parents were awesome. i never went to forced daycare, my mom was lucky enough to work at home and be there for us 24/7, they fed us real food and taught us how to be respectful people with integrity and self-confidence. and practical frugality. sadly, however, i think they are not the norm. i truly hope to be as good with my kids as they were with us.

i really don't want to write a ranting post about vaccines--i rant enough!--but nonetheless i feel it is my duty as a compassionate human being to at least offer some information as a starting point so that others can take a step toward researching things on their own.

whatever anybody decides is their own business and i support you in your informed choices... but not to question and seek answers before making a decision about something concerning your child's health is just foolish. so please, if you have babies, do your research... googling "vaccine safety" is a good place to start; you will see both sides of the issue distributed pretty equally. (yes, there are TWO sides and it is an issue!)

and fyi, even if you really believe in the benefits of vaccines and know you want your child to have all or some of them, you should know you have EVERY RIGHT to delay them as long as you choose. the longer your baby has to develop its immune system before being pummeled by dead viruses and bacteria, the better chances of a safe outcome. even just spacing them out so that baby only gets one at a time can have a massively beneficial effect. and just because you allow one doesn't mean you have to allow all of them; you have the right to choose.

my stance on this, if you haven't guessed already, is strongly anti-vaccination. for those who feel the same way that i do, you should know that you have EVERY RIGHT to refuse all or some of the scheduled vaccinations for any reason you like. you will be told your child 'cannot enter public school' without them; this is a LIE. here in florida you have to fill out a form declaring your objections, but you can object and they cannot bar your child(ren) from school... though the counties will in most cases reserve the right to make them stay home in the case of an outbreak of this or that (which is likely for the best anyway). it does not make you a bad parent for refusing vaccinations; that is the heart of the "informed consent" doctrine which all citizens are entitled to.

you are entitled to know the risks of BOTH doing and not doing something, and to choose based on that information. the reality that doctors fail 99% of the time in truly informing us is why we must inform ourselves. what so many people don't understand about medicine is that it is almost always a gamble either way... whether you accept OR refuse any particular treatment or procedure, there are risks--they just differ. sometimes the cure is worse than the disease.

and as a last note on the subject: if you are considering gardasil, p l e a s e research it thoroughly before going through with it! it hasn't even truly been tested rigorously, and is NOT approved for use in very young girls despite the widespread advertisement to the contrary. nor has it even been scientifically proven that HPV has a causal relationship with cervical cancer (correlation: yes, causation: no).

do your homework. in all things: "think for yourself. question authority." -timothy leary

edit 3/12/09:
i realized it was time to start accumulating any legally-necessary forms relating to vaccines and newborn care, should i end up in the hospital (birth plans are not enough). so i spent some time here and found what i was looking for, but the best thing i have ever seen in relation to vaccines and doctors and informed consent is this whammy response to a pushy doc. YOWZA! it's basically a total reversal of "informed consent" waiver forms... in this one, rather than YOU signing something saying "i understand the risks of not doing this blah blah" you are demanding that the doctor sign a form saying "i swear this is safe and i assume responsibility if it isn't." because--i hope you know this--it is within most state statutes that docs, pharm companies, school boards, etc, are all exempt from being held responsible if your child suffers from the administration of their "safe, FDA-approved" drugs. it's your problem if little johnny is autistic thanks to his DTaP shot. if it's really bad, maybe you will get lucky enough to settle with the 'no-fault' vaccine injury compensation program, though...

anyway, here i am ranting again when i said i didn't want to! ok ok one last tidbit: do you know how many vaccines contain aborted fetal tissue (not to mention the other scary sh*t they put in them)? what is, say, a catholic who opposes abortion to do about that? claim it's for the greater good and move on? *ponders* genesis 9 and leviticus 17 talk pretty extensively about not taking "blood" (ie, life) from other beings, and i can't find the quote about not mixing animal and human blood right now, but it's in there.

ok i'm done, really.