september mama

i think i mentioned i started watching some workout videos on netflix..? well, the one i'm going with for the long haul is awesome, if gimmicky. "10-minute solutions" carb killer or something like that; it's 50-minutes broken into super-intense 10-min segments with tons of jumping around and squats. she does a quick warm up, then right into fast and furious burn, then another 30-sec cool down. on to the next segment.

i thought it would be worth a try just because my time is often short and i hate the drawn-out blabbing in most videos, but as it turns out, i totally love it for the intensity and the amount of energy i have afterwards. she doesn't chat it up or waste time with long warm-ups and stretching, and by the time one segment is over i am so hyped up i want to do another. my energy level is staying high consistently too, which is awesome because i've been really tired in general most of the time. not so anymore.

i had heard that in order to truly make any metabolic difference, one has to work out for at least 20 minutes, but it turns out that's not true at all.

research shows (forgive the source):

While most experts keep telling us we need to exercise longer if we want to lose weight—we're supposed to exercise 60 to 90 minutes a day just to maintain weight loss—a fast-growing body of research indicates that intensity, not duration, is really the missing piece in our fitness puzzle:

• Last December, Canadian researchers reported that just two weeks of interval training boosted women's ability to burn fat during exercise by 36 percent.
  
  
• Levels of human growth hormone—which assists in building muscle and eliminating fat—skyrocketed 530 percent in subjects after just 30 seconds of sprinting as fast as they could on a stationary bike, according to a British study.
  
  
• Australian fitness researchers had 18 women perform 20 minutes of interval training on a stationary bike—eight-second sprints followed by 12 seconds of recovery throughout the workout, three days a week. The women lost an average of five and a half pounds over 15 weeks without dieting, while a similar group performing 40 minutes of moderate cycling three days a week actually gained a pound of fat over the same period. Two of the heavier women who did intervals dropped 18 pounds.

interval training is my new best friend.

in other news, we are converting back to farmer's market shopping for fruits and veggies as of this week. we were growing so much of our own, then when the garden was finished last season we sort of fell back to the usual (and loathesome) winn-dixie... but i've been going to publix again because it is a MILLION TIMES BETTER... but still not necessarily local. and given that i eat 90% of my diet in fresh fruit and vegetables, we need to get those things from our community, if not from our backyard. it's cheaper, fresher, and all the good things about giving back to the local economy and farms. i'm pretty excited to take the kids out - apparently there is a bounce house on location, haha.

my batch of chicks is fully grown now; the "babies" officially started laying just the other day. so we should be swimming in eggs sometime over the next month, which is both awesome and worrying (because i have to find uses for them). i am crossing my fingers that at least one of the hens goes broody so we can get a production cycle going and actually "harvest" some chickens every few months, but we'll see. our ducks are sitting on a nest right now, due to hatch around feb 22 or so. that should be fun again! :)

i love having a little farmette...

i am so sick of snide "fat" comments that i've actually been pushed into doing something about it just to shut my dear husband up.

so i'm resolved to eat primarily raw food (with the exception of yogurt) 5 days a week, and on our equivalent of weekends, i'll pack in the protein. i read somewhere that humans work better with alternating protein and plant foods over several day spans rather than eating them at the same time. anyway i don't really want meat anymore, so that's good for me.

i've also committed to exercising 5 nights a week. something, anything, for 30 minutes or more.

i'm not really whining about trying to lose weight, but i'm annoyed at what finally got me to work on it. i only need to lose 10lbs or so, but i definitely need to tone up. going raw always made me thin out and feel amazing before, so it seems like the most obvious way to begin the process. here we go...

"i don't wanna eat grabiolies!"


(translation: "mom, that ravioli clearly contains meat and you are NOT tricking me into eating anything slathered with tomato sauce. nice try.")

well. i just went through to find a post about rowan when she was 8 months--as that is how old liam now is, if you can believe it!!--and i found one small paragraph. damn not updating the blog enough.

"rowan is 8 months! she eats like a champ, is still nursing full-time, sleeps through the night, has 2 full teeth and 2 half teeth (all bottoms, lol), she's babbling up a storm and trying really hard to hoist herself up on things. she loves books, playing in the grass (or dirt), and other babies."

so... liam eats like a CHAMP, i mean he eats everything and is already refusing baby food in favor of anything he can chew. he nurses full-time, which for him means about 4 times a day or so. he sleeps from about 530pm-630am. he has four teeth all the way (2 top, 2 bottom). he babbles all the time. he's about 1/2 step away from crawling successfully, which rowan never even tried to do. he is getting around using the army crawl for now, but the knees keep coming up, and he definitely likes to pull himself up when he manages to get a hold of a sturdy-enough object. i don't read him books, which is awful and i am really working to change; i just never have the chance, between rowan's demands and the housework i have to fuss with. but we do need to institute storytime AT LEAST 30 min a day. he doesn't really play in the dirt so much, because unlike rowan he puts EVERYTHING in his mouth, but he loves the pool. also unlike rowan, he's not interested in the tv; she was obsessed with elmo at his age. he barely glances up when rowan is watching something. and i am grateful for that.

he is very different than rowan in a lot of ways... he grabs at everything, and will roll/drag himself across a room if he sees something he wants. he can drink from a straw, and if i have something edible, he wants it. now. he is very silly and i call him 'trouble' all the time because he's so into everything. he loooves the cat, but unfortunately he's not very nice with his grabbing and pinching, so i have to keep an eye on that. he's a really, really, really happy little guy with a sweet personality... very affectionate. but he's also a monster because he is a little bit reckless. still very sensitive (like rowan) but not nearly as cautious. i'm told he's just "a boy" but that seems oversimplified to me.

rowan is now 2 years old... and jeebus, what a big girl she is. fully verbal, with sentences and pronouns and verbs and adjectives used correctly, many of her sentences even include the entire subject/object/verb of correct english :). she expresses her opinions very well (and they are many). she loves movies, and right now it's all about tinkerbell, peter pan, the little mermaid, ponyo, and princess mononoke.* she also really likes yo gabba gabba and sesame street. potty training is sort of on hold while she decides whether or not she wants to do it: she's really into the "pantypants" but doesn't want to go on the toilet. so we waver. but she's not the kind of kid i can trick or force into things, so we'll leave it to her pace. today she is actually going to "school" with her playmate--our nanny's 3yo son--for the first time... sigh. that thing they say about time and flying? it's true.

i am back to work at a new job 2.5 days a week, which is working out really well for everyone involved (i think). i get out of the house and a paycheck, the kids get away from me and someone their age to play with, the nanny gets a playmate for her son and some farm goods, and matt--who watches them on tuesdays--gets some alone time with the kids, who are really starting to connect with him more. it's good.

we are back to milking butters every morning (at 5am!!! aggh!) and besides some issues with the calf sneaking his nose through the fence to steal milk at night, it's going great. she is such a good cow; i never realized before. maybe being pregnant as she was made her cranky or something. we are planning to inseminate her soon with sexed-semen for a guaranteed female, so that when her time is up we have a substitute milk cow. hopefully that won't be for a while, but who knows how long she will live? she wasn't always a family farm cow... and lifespans vary by treatment. also she only has the three working udders, so her supply is never what it could be if all four worked. when does go, i will be glad to know that at least we've got her daughter :).

last weekend i convinced matt to take me over to a bird farm to pick up some chicks, since we have lost so many of our hens lately... we had a raccoon coming every night until we caught him, and after that there was a fox. we're down to 5 hens and the good old king red rooster. but now i have 12 babies in a safe cage who i hope will grow quickly. i got 6 ameraucanas, 1 wyandotte, 1 cochin, 2 plymouths, and 2 barred rocks. of course, we don't know how many will be hens, but betting 50/50 still gives us a nice-sized flock. i just hope the cochin is a hen! they are cute. and ameraucanas have fluffy cheeks :) :) :). matt picked up another duck hen; they should start laying any time now, if they haven't already (every few days we get a mysteriously large and strange-looking egg, and once or twice there has been evidence of a broken 6th egg--but we only have 5 hens). i also got my mom a pair of black bantam "frizzles" as a thank you for all the favors she does us--her flock is all bantam because big chickens scare her, lol. anyway.

things are going very well. matt is working on the fence for pasture #2 and hooking up the electric system in his workshop (finally), our garden is lush and productive, we've made a little money selling some of our goods, we *should* actually be able to save a tiny bit of money for the first time in years, and everyone is happy.

:)


*um, yeah, i know that's totally not a kids' movie... we have a bit of anime at the house and NO kid movies (other than nightmare before xmas), so she found it one day and demanded i put it on, and she loved it. why? i don't know. but she does, scary beast-gods, blood, guns, and all. so whatever. i need to get my real kid movies back from a friend (the dark crystal and spirited away).

T H I S W E E K ' S M E N U
ingredients marked with * are home grown!

sunday: don't ask.

monday: grilled marinated london broil; steamed green beans; twice-baked potato

tuesday: spinach & garlic stuffed chicken breast; balsamic roasted potatoes and turnips*; fresh greens* with blackberry* vinaigrette

wednesday: leftover london broil fajitas with peppers and onions; fresh greens*; turnip* chips

thursday: crockpot pork tenderloin; mashed potatoes, turnips*, and sweet potatoes; sauteed turnip greens* and spinach*

friday: tuna steaks with sweet soy glaze on a bed of wilted bok choy*; bean thread noodles with soy-ginger glaze & scallions

saturday: italian stuffed peppers; fresh greens*

last night matt very gently let me know that my cooking efforts are sub-par to his expectations and that he would appreciate it if i put a little more forethought and creativity into dinner. fair enough; i am inherently kind of lazy and the kids make it easy for me to rush and not care what i am cooking. he works a somewhat crappy job for our sake and deserves to enjoy dinner when he comes home, so i'm now planning menus because last-minute doings just don't work for me.

i thought i would share my menus in case anyone else is in a similar boat... i'm deciding just how to do it but a guess a weekly "menu" post will cover it. on we go.

i'm getting my IUD thursday via a "mainstream medical type" as previously alluded to. should be tons of fun... i'm all ready with my zonk-out drugs because i'm not in the mood for reproductive-area pain right now. i'm a little annoyed that i have no way of getting to the appointment other than having my mother take me and the kids over there. i was hoping for this to be a child-free event, being that i don't want to nurse liam while on aforementioned zonk-out drugs and i really don't want to fuss with them in the car while i'm crampy. but alas. one babysitter and one driver available, and they happen to be the same person... but as long as i get the freaking device put in place as planned i will be happy.

good news on the weight-loss front: turns out my cousin and aunt have already formed a little neighborhood workout group which they are happy to have me join! every other night they walk, and the odd nights are workout-video sessions. awesome. scheduled exercise works really well for me, and it's after the kids are asleep so i can actually do it guilt-free. matt will have to be without his nightly movie partner, but i am certain he's willing to sacrifice for the sake of me losing this baby belly. i know i am. i'd like to do the whole before/after photo thing but i can't bear the sight of my body these days and thus i will not be photographing it in such a revealing any fashion. this is also great because i tend to have my evening sweets (ice cream) during the time that i will now be busy sweating. and i can't drink beer before a workout...

I AM SO READY TO LOOK LIKE I USED TO! inspiration:

liam pulled an 8-hour sleep last night, finally! i am really hoping this means he will be a normal nighttime baby now. it was blissful to wake up and actually feel like i had slept.

today i seem to have begun a serious return to healthfulness (which i hope will bring with it a reduction of ass--and other--flab). i'm juicing the excess veggies from the garden (mmm... turnip juice... lol) and i found a nice little recipe to make healthy, but filling, muffins out of the leftover pulp. cue my favorite homemade ginger/lemon/honey tea instead of 20 cups of coffee per day and replace various junkish foods with yogurt and granola, and i should be doing pretty good. not eating meat is a plus too. i even worked out a la the "fabulously fit moms" dvd from my netflix queue. it's so cheesy but it made my lame ass sweat. i'm going to try to do it at least 3x a week...

it's hot outside today, which sort of confuses me. we're halfway through february..? last year it was freezing until easter. i never talk about this because it definitely makes me sound like i broke out of Bedlam, but i think massively devastating things are on the way shortly. crazy signs in the sky, earthquakes, tsunamis where they shouldn't be, and cracking continents. the flooding in pakistan and indonesia is just the start... but enough about that. i was just talking about the weather.

bunny mama lost a baby. *sigh* she kicked it out of the nest last night, i hope after it was already dead. he was the runt and didn't seem to be getting fed, but it makes me really sad because i considered bringing him in and hand-feeding him to keep as a pet for rowan... but i checked on him yesterday and he looked better so i didn't do it. now i wish i had :(. it's nature, but it still hurts. mama has 8 babies left though, and they are all fierce and furry.

our egg harvest has gone down to 6 a day recently and i know it's because those freaking sluts are laying eggs out in the yard somewhere. we have eleven hens, so even if a few don't lay every day we should be getting more than that. so today and tomorrow and the next day they are being kept in their pen. i'm not sure how long a hen can resist laying before she will find a new spot, but i would think not long. we'll see.

time to go help rowan with "elmo singy!!"

...is getting in the way of me completing the post-midwife-meeting post! i have it more than half-written but i need time to pull links to finish it properly. i hope to get to it tomorrow if not tonight.

in other news, the cow came home last weekend and is providing us with tasty fresh milk every day. it's oddly satisfying to milk a cow (and oddly similar to using a breast pump and watching with pride as the bottles fill up). it is, however, hot as b a l l s out here, even late in the evening, and so the process of actually milking her is pretty strenuous. i'm not sure i've ever sweat so much. and i keep forgetting that i'm 8 months pregnant until someone--usually my dad--gives me some crap about how i 'shouldn't be doing' this or that. i just don't feel the overwhelming blah i had with rowan when i was this late. i feel like myself, and even my belly doesn't seem to get in my way as much as i remember with her. my weight gain is less with this baby but i am surprised that would make such a difference in how i feel. back to the cow/milk thing--i've got some nice recipes on the farm blog and i think i am starting a "frugal tip" series when i think of neat stuff to share.

he is kicking the crap out of me though. several times a day i get gasp-inducing jabs that really hurt! something just makes me think he is not going to wait for his due date.

i think i quit the chiro... not just b/c he's vertex (if he still is) but b/c i'm not convinced it is helping my weird butt pain at all, and everyone tells me it's "addicting" anyway. i just don't feel any different when i leave his office than when i walk in, other than the squirmy leftover i-hate-being-cracked feeling in my fingers. so i dunno.

rowan's ear is officially better as of the doc visit today, after 10 days of antibiotics. hate that, but at least she's better. she's going through a sort of bratty phase though, just testing me all the time with things she knows she isn't allowed to do (opening the toilet lid, touching breakables at my mom's, throwing food on the floor, etc) AND she is so freaking picky with food lately. stuff she loves she will totally refuse to eat just because. it's driving me nuts, honestly, but i tell myself it's just the terrible twos coming early. i guess now is better than later..? she's not even really "bratty," per se, just a little stinker once or twice a day. it's annoying more than anything else. but to counteract that, she has started giving kisses and blowing kisses in addition to her abundant hugs (complete with back rubbing/patting), so it's hard to really get mad at her. manipulative little rat.

still no name, but i'm grilling matt daily. it's way past time to know his name!!

it seems that we will be the caretakers of a highly-productive little milk heifer very shortly! my sister says it's too much for them to deal with milking her twice a day (i can't imagine why, with their now 9-month old preemie and both having jobs), so she asked if we want her before they sell her... DUH!

to those of you who were interested in the milk thing... know that we will be getting between 2-3 gallons per day... and that's all i am going to say out of respect for the incredibly harsh and archaic laws regarding unpasteurized dairy products in this state/country.

there was an update, i forgot. when sarah took my blood at 20 or so weeks, my iron was borderline (which i am sure i mentioned). i had already been eating red meat at that point though, and i cook exclusively with cast iron, so i was kinda surprised. now i have another blood test this tuesday and i am pretty worried that my iron might have dropped... with rowan, i was anemic the entire time i was pregnant, so it's not unlikely.

but i have a plan. starting today i am guzzling nettle tea, i'm taking my herbal iron 2x a day with vitamin c, drinking oj and/or pineapple juice, and i plan to eat a big steak monday night along with as many dark leafy greens as i can fit on my plate. no coffee tuesday morning, either. if these things don't boost my iron so i 'pass the test' then nothing will (though midwives in the uk seem to recommend a pint of guinness every day for iron...hmm...). yes, my homebirth hinges on something so stupid as this.

(i understand the risk of low iron is for postpartum hemorrhage consequences, however, i have a BLOOD CLOTTING FACTOR that makes it highly unlikely i would bleed out anyway!)

the only reason i am even doing this blood test is for the rh sensitization test, because i want to be sure it is safe to refuse rhogam this time around. of course i'm not doing the glucose test either, but that's another thing and covered elsewhere.

trying to think strong, red, metallic thoughts because this is all making me a tad bit anxious. if anybody has ideas for fast iron boosting (i've googled it in 10 different ways) please let me know!

(i say "part 1" because i am positive this is not nearly over... *edit: updates and more culinary exploits will be posted on the farm blog*)

so i'm not sure if i ever mentioned it, but my sister bought a cow about 2 years ago, which we have a share in. she has since had a baby, and the baby had a baby, and she's probably pregnant again. the point is, we are currently getting a massive jug of fresh milk at least once a week... glorious stuff with on average 1-3 cups of thick, fluffy cream on top! so i've been challenged to use it in interesting ways since there is no chance of us drinking as much milk as we get (and matt swears it is too "salty" for his cereal; whatever).

first project was just separating the cream to use it in my coffee--easy, and so freaking good.

project #2 - homemade fresh-cream ice cream. i actually had some fresh vanilla beans too, so i scored bigtime and decided to do a straight vanilla. 2c cream, 1c milk, 3/4c sugar (wish i'd had raw), 2 vanilla beans, and WOW that was some good sh*t. matt's mom ate half the container :)

project #3 - yogurt. i used half a container of "fage" greek yogurt to start it, because i didn't have any culture lying around, but it turned out really well. and i made it in the slow cooker which i was very excited to do, since yogurt instructions usually require a heating pad or something else i don't have. 1qt milk, cooked on low for 2.5hrs, unplugged for another 3h, then mix in the yogurt and leave it alone overnight or longer. it's not sweetened but that's easy enough to do with each serving.

project #4 - frozen yogurt. since we ate all the ice cream, i needed another sweet treat... and what was i going to do with so much yogurt, anyway?? i mixed about 3c yogurt with 2/3c sugar and a bit of vanilla extract in the ice cream maker, and added 2T dry milk as i was afraid of it being too tangy since i intended to make it pineapple *drool*... threw in the pineapple bits when it started to congeal, then popped it in the freezer to let it set. i daresay it's even tastier than the ice cream!

project #5 - yogurt bread pudding. 3 words: best breakfast ever. had a rock-hard loaf of artisan wheat bread that i couldn't bear to feed to the chickens, so i cut it up and soaked it overnight in 1c yogurt, 2/3c brown sugar, 2 eggs (homegrown), 2T melted butter, some raisins and walnuts plus vanilla, cardamom, and cinnamon... baked this morning for about 40min and it's so, so yummy.

project #6 - milk sourdough. yep. we had a jug of milk going a bit sour so i decided a good way to utilize that would be to make it work on some flour :). equal parts souring milk to flour and i had an active starter with like 5 hours (as opposed to 3 days with water). plus, theoretically it will have more probiotics thanks to the milk bacteria. right now i am proofing a sponge and we'll see how the bread turns out later.

project #7 - simple curd cheese. again with the souring milk situation; duh, let's make cheese! i started this last night but it never separated for some reason, so i changed course and threw in some yogurt culture and let it sit, then this morning decided to run with it and added rennet. this is a totally improved dance, so i'm not sure how it will turn out, but worst case is i've got some more yogurt that may or may not solidify into cheesable curds.

and that's where i'm at now. as soon as my citric acid (previously ordered) arrives i will be trying my hand at mozarella, but for now i'm fine with what i've got going. all of these things could be done with store-bought milk (though i would hesitate a lot on the sourdough) but it's somehow just not as much fun. i plan to save a bunch for new batches of soap too... nothing like milk soap for soft skin...

well, rowan is officially one year old as of yesterday. crazy! she is seeming like such a little girl these days and not so much of a baby at all. she's graduated to walking with just one arm hanging on to a support, so i'm excited for the big "first step" which ought to be soon. it took her about two months to go from first supported step to here, so...

the party seemed to be a hit, though it was difficult to judge from the hostess/parent/spazoid vantage point i was looking from. my uncle showed up with a really awesome bounce house for the older kids, so that was cool. and most of the food (meat courtesy of matt's skills) was quite good. the cake was less fluffy and fantastic than i'd hoped, but the flavor was good. would've made awesome muffins, just not quite cake texture.




cuteness. she was so excited to wear that dress...

as for the "other things," i've decided to keep the appointment for ultrasound next week rather than try to reschedule it, mostly because it's just easier to get it done now. it's so strange to have no sense of what to expect--all i know is there is a baby in there (it kicks me all the freaking time)! i finished the stupid antibiotics and the baby is still kicking, so i guess all is well and i assume my phantom UTI is now gone. blah.

also i think i am going to start watching my... cousin's son--second cousin?--this summer, and he's 8 with a LOT of energy. probably a really bad idea considering i'm going to be in my last trimester over the summer, but whatever. we'll see how it goes. she's not paying much but anything is better than nothing and i'm thinking that one can reason pretty well with an 8 year old. i've been searching around for a good set of 'house rules' to establish with him, and in the process i found kiddio.org which is a pretty neat site (added to links on right). all these rules are common sense but it's nice to have a starting point. he's the sort of kid who will trample you if you don't lay it out right off the bat. i hope it goes well! i'm planning to tell my cousin that if i start to get at all frazzled or terribly inconvenienced (pregnant and touchy as i am) we're done, because i need to know i have an out if it isn't working for me. but overall i think it will be good practice to have two to juggle... ;) plus i have been considering taking on a kid or two as a nanny when the baby is no longer a tiny newborn. having a clean, organized house opens up so many possibilities!

lately we've been having an issue with ants (nasty biting ones) gathering crumbs in the kitchen, so i was using some essential oils to kill them but it was becoming a bit much...i don't really like to kill stuff, but they were in my kitchen where rowan scoots around and they were getting into food. so i went to winn dixie (the only grocery store within 20 miles) and was just praying they might have something other than 'raid' and to my great delight they sold this stuff: ecosmart ant & roach killer. it's AWESOME... not that i would ever recommend ingesting it or any other household product, but it's so kid/food/pet safe that all of the ingredients are technically edible and it smells like minty herbs with no nasty headache-inducing fumes (incidentally, it didn't cost me $8, either--it was like $4.50 or something). i couldn't believe winn dixie was selling it. oh and it works too; kills them dead on contact and seems to deter future foragers as well. score!

well, i can't think of anything else to blab about so i guess i'm done for now. here's a closing pic just for fun:

i get it now.

with rowan, i never had any "real" cravings, or if i did they were not unusual enough for me to question instantly satisfying them... but lately i have been mentally drooling over something i haven't eaten in 15+ years.

beef. red, juicy, filthy, ex-animal flesh. i want it SO BADLY. i have absolutely no interest in chicken or pork, just beef. steak. ribs. oh man...

in all the years i was non-red meat, then vegetarian, then vegan, and now 'no feathers or fur' i have never once desired the taste or nutritional content of a quadruped. it's so strange to suddenly want it; at first i wasn't sure what i was craving, and it wasn't until several nights of looking at matt's steaks and thinking 'that looks pretty good..?' that it became clear i actually want to eat meat. even thinking about poor cows likely mistreated horribly before what i can only hope is a quick death doesn't deter the urge to eat it. it's a physical craving. and it's pretty disturbing.

i've been trying really hard to sublimate the cravings into something else, because i don't want to cross that line (even in pregnancy when i "have an excuse")... but then i think, well obviously the baby needs it for some reason, so i'd better go ahead and do it. it's sort of a dilemma because spiritually (or whatever) i don't want to be a carnivore living off other relatively sentient beings' bodies, but at the same time, doing it even if i don't want to is sort of an equal sacrifice for the sake of my baby. right? maybe i'm just rationalizing.

the fact is, i don't want it, but my body is demanding that i need to eat it. how am i supposed to argue with that?!

today is the first day i have felt human since last thursday. friday i woke up vomiting and things went downhill from there all weekend, such that i had to escape to my parents' house so they could watch rowan while i laid in bed. some sort of stomach virus with a low fever, vomiting, and painful tummy... i went basically four days with no food and then i was only allowed bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast ("brat" diet) even though i was starving for food. i lost 5 pounds.

anyway, it was crappy. but it's over now and i feel almost normal.

tonight is a tasty tapas party in honor of a cherished friend returning to town--yay! i'm sure i will make up some of that lost weight tonight :). we'll have to bring the munchkin b/c no one to watch her, and anyway she likes the social life, especially when it involves food.

oh and WE ARE MOVING THIS WEEKEND! finally!!

when we chose her name a friend made a pretty funny connection that had not occurred to me... as i was calling her "little bean" at the beginning, and we settled on rowan as her name, he mentioned that it was pretty ridiculous to name her the same as the actor who plays "Mr. Bean" (yes, his name is rowan *sigh*) and call her little bean. ah, coincidences. so now she is officially little miss bean for more reasons than one.

she recently started this weird thing where she kicks her legs wildly and rubs her feet together but the rest of her doesn't move, so it looks like she is trying to riverdance. it's really, really funny except that it gets her all worked up when she does it in protest of being put in the crib (or whatever). she's very ticklish now too! there are spots on her tummy, ribs, and back that make her shove her fist into her mouth, squeal, and hunch down over herself with laughter. it's pretty cute.

she's also been 'singing' to herself for a few weeks now. it started with just ahhhh vocalizations but has progressed into higher-pitched, more controlled experimentations; she even goes up and down in tone and volume deliberately now. every now and then it's obvious she's made a sound that surprises her, which is pretty funny. she also blows raspberries and spits bubbles a lot recently. she thinks she's totally hot stuff because she can sit up almost by herself and she always wants to pull herself to standing when we hold her hands.

so we've started solids here and there too, but since matt hasn't butchered a rabbit lately i've given her egg yolks (not really a fan), sweet potato (ok), and peaches (a hit). she's still sort of ambivalent about eating but after the peaches today i think she'll be more into it. i had a strange intuitive moment last night while nursing at some ungodly hour--similar to the day i realized she was bored--and i think she needs more than breastmilk now. i know they say it's enough for the first year, and that's fine, but i just got the feeling she is hungrier than she used to be and milk ain't cutting it. i'm trying to avoid cereals for a while (oatmeal MAY be an exception) but everything else is game. as soon as we have a fresh rabbit we'll try meat. oh and matt's mom sent us this beaba babycook which i used for the first time yesterday--it's great! i'm definitely not going to used jarred babyfood, so anything that simplifies the process of making it myself is welcome. the babycook steams and purees in one handy compartment, and it's small enough to not be a nuisance on the counter.

oh we also got her a walker, or rather my parents did... i'm feeling like i already said this... checking... ok nope... but she can't quite touch the ground. she likes it though, and i have high hopes for her impending mobility.

crap, she just woke up. this is becoming a nasty habit, waking before midnight lately. why?! *sigh* our quiet nights are slowly falling by the wayside and i don't know why. gotta go.

the past couple of days have been hell around nap time, and even bedtime, shockingly. i don't know what crawled up rowans butt, but naps ain't happening. she has always been pretty good with them; i.e., she gets tired and falls asleep nursing, i put her in the crib, she naps from 30min-2 hours depending. usually twice a day. lately things go south at step two and end with her screaming until i take her out and say "ok, no nap." she might've gotten 1 or 2 in there recently but not long ones and not worth remembering. bedtime the past two nights has been similar, though we're still getting her to sleep before 8pm... tonight she magically went right out with no fussing (as is her usual manner, the angel) so i'm hoping that at least is over, but we'll see. i don't know if she's having a growth spurt or starting teething or what, but as of tomorrow we institute structured nap time to see if that helps!

as i was explaining/complaining about all this to my mom on the phone, she asked whether i thought it would help to try giving rowan cereal, and for the first time i really pondered the question and came up with a surprising (and slightly distressing) response: why? why on earth would anybody give a baby processed, nutritionally-useless starch rice-product? as one clever poster on a random forum said "it's sweetened wallpaper paste with a vitamin pill mixed in."

this distresses me because i recently suggested it to a friend with a 6 month old who won't sleep through the night--the age-old remedy, give 'em cereal. it worked--and now i regret it as i strongly question the wisdom of taking up stomach space meant for breastmilk with an empty filler akin to soy protein in dog food or "earthworms in the hamburgers." i wish i had kept my damned mouth shut! all i can do is hope the poor kid doesn't suffer from my stupidity... i was just trying to help his mama.

from msnbc, of all mainstream sources:

Dr. David Ludwig of Children's Hospital Boston, a specialist in pediatric nutrition, says some studies suggest rice and other highly processed grain cereals actually could be among the worst foods for infants.

"These foods are in a certain sense no different from adding sugar to formula. They digest very rapidly in the body into sugar, raising blood sugar and insulin levels" and could contribute to later health problems, including obesity, he says.

*sigh*

and if that wasn't bad enough, i, ex-vegan turned...something vegetarianish...have decided that the first food(s) rowan should have are homegrown egg yolks and pureed rabbit from our backyard 'herd.' horrifying, i know. but the fact is meat IS more nutritious than any cereal i could give her, and knowing exactly where it came from and what it ate and how humanely it was cared for and slaughtered, i feel ok with that. of course i am going to give her good things like avocados, sweet potatoes, and plenty of coconut meat and oil as well, but i think rabbit will be her first food. (there is scientific basis for introducing meats first.) interestingly enough, the only real "risk" of feeding anyone too much rabbit is the fact that it is so lean. you can die from only eating rabbit if you have no other source of fat in your diet. good thing breastmilk is so rich in the stuff!

so anyway, i'm thinking about solids now. rowan is 14 weeks, she can't sit up all by herself yet and i think she still does that extrusion thing with her tongue, so we've got a little while... but i'm thinking ahead. i have been giving her tastes of things, like watermelon, peaches, maple syrup... but just touching her tongue with it. the peaches were frozen though, so that was pretty funny. she was very confused by the coldness of it and couldn't decide if she liked it or not. here is a list of things i want to make for her when the time comes:

- rabbit pate (with livers, maybe some chicken too if mel+james continue to eat their roosters)
- avocado, bananas, carrots, etc, as is or steamed and mashed (i cannot wait to see what she looks like after eating mashed beets, rofl)
- boiled fruit purees
- fermented sweet potatoes
- breastmilk custard/pudding
- breastmilk yogurt

naturally i do not intend to buy jars of baby food at the store, because i'm stubborn like that. i also have no problem taking whatever we're eating and mashing it up for her, nor do i agree that babies shouldn't have spices or natural salt (sugar, eh, i don't know). babies in india eat curry, babies in mexico eat jalapenos, right? american babies get fed boring, tasteless crap! i'm going to save her from that snoozefest.

i noticed all of a sudden the other day that she seemed bored... like out of nowhere, i got the sense that the fussing and wanting to nurse she was doing was purely because she had nothing more interesting to do. at that moment i realized i didn't have anything interesting or stimulating for her (other than dancing around, singing, or reading books, which we'd already done that day). parenting crisis ensued, and i rushed to craigslist to see what was out there in terms of baby-entertaining devices. a few hits, but i had trouble deciding and contacting anybody, so as of right now i think i am picking up a walker tomorrow.* in the meantime, however, i was frantic and found myself at walmart using up a gift card we were given on buying an exersaucer/jumper hybrid thing. the seat swivels 360deg and the platform underneath is a bouncey thing but can be stabilized with books underneath it. the only problem is that she is really too small for it! i stacked books up so high the platform is almost popping off its holders and stuffed her in there with blankets to support her, and she's still a little wobbly. it's cute though, and she seemed to like it a good bit. definitely got her attention with the dangly toys :). i hate to buy cheap chinese plastic crap--especially new--but i was desperate and it fit on my gift card.

so it's late and i'm tired and need to pump, but i have more to say... photos, parenting forums, and something off-topic that i can't remember right now. i'll get to it later.


*yes, i said a walker. yes, i know they are "bad" nowadays. i'm annoyed as can be that the main reason that walkers are considered a no-no is that since they started making them "safer" (i.e., bigger, heavier, and generally less baby-friendly) they obscure baby's view of her feet and thus her connection to the fact that her feet are causing her to move... she doesn't get the spatial learning that would otherwise come from seeing how her body interacts with the floor. hence the delays in motor development--which dissipate upon beginning to walk, by the way. so anyway i'm forced to buy a newfangled piece of crap that may or may not impede her reaching the crawling stage, but the fact is i think she wants to move around. so we'll see--i just have to make sure she gets enough tummy time to counterbalance it. except she hates tummy time.

remember this? how many incidents does it take within a given time period before people will come to their senses about trusting corporate anything??? explosives chemical found in formula from companies that own 87% of market share.

argh. i share this not to judge--really, i feel for you if you can't/won't breastfeed, i've seen enough to know it can be extremely difficult for some people--but PLEASE do not use the standard store-bought formulas. you are not being told the truth; not by the labels, not by the FDA, and not by your doctor. there is a real PC culture of "let's not offend anybody" that tries very hard to say formula is just as good as breastmilk but the research all shows it's not. (yes, i quote from wiki, because it sums up well--you can and should do additional research if you really want to seek the truth.) your breastmilk was made for your baby, and nobody else. we have a magical chemistry that creates the ideal food for the baby grown in our own body. formula companies can't even approximate "generic" breastmilk; what makes you think they can copy YOURS?

so, if you can't pump your own and bottle-feed it, you should know there are alternatives. just because enfamil sends you free samples and similac was recommended by your doctor does not mean they are your best options if you aren't able to breastfeed. always remember, for doctors and hospitals and pharm companies, babies=goldmine. it's a sick reality that we all need to keep in mind. without births to support their income, hospitals would be a lot less lucrative a business; something like 60% of the average hospital revenue is directly related to labor and delivery.

anyway. i can't just stand by and watch the future of humanity be genetically degraded (i.e. poisoned formula) due to ignorance and misinformation... i say all of this, everything in this blog, out of love and compassion and a desire for betterment in all of us. inform yourself!

this may inflame someone, so here is another disclaimer, written in some slight annoyance at having to write it at all. yes, there are always cases where people are better off for having psych meds. i know this. i'm not talking about those cases. i'm talking about everybody else...

*sigh* let's start from the top:

via cryptogon:

Is there something more at work here besides chasing profits? The diabolical nature of this seems to go beyond the usual chasing profits explanation.

This has an inky black, low murmuring evil feel to it. Echoes of Dr. Mengele.

Also, pay attention to the “food” that these people are ingesting, and the physical appearance of the mothers. Holy crap. Have another breakfast stick, now with even more obesity and diabetes. Toxic waste for food and strong antipsychotics, antidepressants and mood stabilizers. This is the breakfast of champions for millions of American children, some as young as two.

Via: PBS Frontline:

In recent years, there’s been a dramatic increase in the number of children being diagnosed with serious psychiatric disorders and prescribed medications that are just beginning to be tested in children. The drugs can cause serious side effects, and virtually nothing is known about their long-term impact. “It’s really to some extent an experiment, trying medications in these children of this age,” child psychiatrist Dr. Patrick Bacon tells FRONTLINE. “It’s a gamble. And I tell parents there’s no way to know what’s going to work.”

as of january 2008 PBS had enough material--and there was enough controversy--to make a documentary questioning the wisdom of using UNTESTED psych meds on children diagnosed with very vague and broad-spectrum symptoms of various psychiatric disorders. the video is disturbing... poor kids are damaged permanently from the side effects of these drugs before they even have a fighting chance to develop normally and outgrow their "issues."

for me, the first thing i would ask myself if my child seemed really wacked would be, "what am i doing that could be causing this behavior? is she fed healthy foods? is she getting enough sleep? enough social interaction? enough love and affection?" and finally, "am i stressed out?"

children are NOT adults. they react very differently to stresses than adults do--they haven't learned to "cope" by stuffing their feelings inside. they express. everything. and sometimes maybe their bodies induce emotional reactions when physical needs are not being properly met (i.e., you feed them nothing but processed pHoods and after a year or so they start having temper tantrums every day).

fundamental problem #1: we are treating them for things they may not have because we do not bother to look into alternative explanations. we fail to adequately research the cause and effect cycle of ALL things we take for granted in modern life.

and now this, via msnbc (just the best parts here):

Panel: All teens should be tested for depression
2 million in U.S. are affected but most are undiagnosed, task force says
...
The task force said that when followed by treatment, including psychotherapy, screening can help improve symptoms and help kids cope. Because depression can lead to persistent sadness, social isolation, school problems and even suicide, screening to treat it early is crucial, the panel said.
...

Yet at the same time psychiatrists specializing in treating children and teens are scarce. A separate report, also released Monday in the Pediatrics journal, says primary care doctors including pediatricians and family physicians will need to get more involved in mental health care.

...

Most pediatricians aren't trained to do psychotherapy, but they can prescribe depression medication and monitor patients they've referred to others for therapy, he said.

holy f*&^. did we completely FORGET that teenagerdom is characterized by some amounts of depression/anxiety/stress which naturally accompany the vast physical, mental, and emotional changes going on during that period of our normal human development? what just happened here? but nevermind that, let's move on.

fundamental problem #2: if you need a questionnaire at the pediatricians office to tell you your kid is sad, isolated, failing school, and doing drugs, YOU FAIL as a parent. period. where is the responsibility of the parents to observe and interact with their children, that something like this even needs to be suggested?!

fundamental problem #3: we need to screen EVERYONE because 6% of a sub-population may be affected. that is what you call a massive waste of resources. but, in fact, since the goal here is nothing grander than to boost profits for drug companies selling psych meds (see #4), it will perfectly do its job--so many "undiagnosed" cases will come to light, and all good parents give their kids meds when dr. concerned says they should. on a related note, maybe if we had an insanely high teenage suicide rate--i.e., if the entire 6% of the undiagnosed kids were offing themselves for lack of treatment--MAYBE this testing would be justified. but since apparently the majority of these kids move on to be typical adults, what is the issue?

fundamental problem #4: re-read the last two paragraphs in the quote above. now think for a second. there aren't enough psychiatrists trained to deal with kids, so pediatricians will have to fill in the gaps AND/BUT all they can do is prescribe medication, not provide counseling. ah ha! now i get it. (nevermind the big problem with docs prescribing meds for conditions they *admittedly* are not trained to deal with.) it's all about the profits. you heard it straight from MSNBC!

i won't call this one "fundamental," but i also have to wonder where they got the number of "undiagnosed" depression cases from? if they are undiagnosed, how the hell do they know how many there are? wtf?

i don't know... to me, the very idea of chemically altering a child's brain--which is in a constant state of flux and adaptation to the world, developing structures and learning connections and whatnot--is Evil. truly Evil. it can do nothing but harm, and i don't care what anyone says to the contrary. yes, i would rather put up with screaming fits for 2 years than know that i am irreversibly damaging my child's development--and entire life, as a result--so that i can have a little peace and quiet.

why is it that we didn't see this kind of behavior in kids 15, 20, 30 years ago? my list of hypotheses goes like this:
- routine, excessive vaccinations of vulnerable infants
- pHood (i.e., products so detached from the original substance that used to be food, that they are chemically unrecognizable; i.e., basically everything from a box, can, or plastic package)
- high-fructose corn syrup
- fluoridated/chlorinated water supplies
- overuse of any/all medications
- environmental pollutants (mostly the indoor kind, from cleaning products, cosmetics, etc, but perhaps also the more widespread type as well)
- and equally important, bad parenting. yes, i blame the parents in many cases. kids need to be shown BY EXAMPLE how to live effectively in the world. when you model disaffectation, stress, egoism, and apathy, that is what they learn. i think our entire society has suffered as a result of the 2-working parent system which shoves our younglings off to what amounts to foster care for the bulk of their developing years. it's worse than anybody wants to admit, in my opinion... and i know many families have 'no choice' and i can sympathize with that to an extent. because really, there is always a choice. you can always make sacrifices. the question is, is it worth it to you?

in my world, we wouldn't need Supernanny because we would have communication and interaction on a level that makes sense for the child. we'd have time for them. sometimes i wonder if our parents didn't fail us... it was by their example that we learned to be parents, and so many of us are really terrible at it. was it just the 70s/80s/90s mentality that materialism is the ultimate goal that ruined everything? because that was so important to our parents, and we (i say "we" loosely here*) were left in daycare and fed convenience foods since they knew no better... and it left us without a model for good parenting? because most of us can say for sure that our parents were raised very differently than we were. i think the break came as they took their roles and parents and forgot what their own parents had taught them... they were too distracted by material acquisition and "doing better for [our] sakes." only it ended up producing a generation of ineffective, depressed, and gullible people who want somebody else to fix their problems. just a thought.

back to the point; my dear friend at cryptogon would say this program of screening and medicating children on a massive scale has more to do with long-term population control (through submission) and social engineering than anything else--as he mentions, and i mentioned, profits are a big factor, but there really does seem to be something else going on. Evil. why do we push so hard to ruin the future (our childrens' brains)? or better yet, why do we let THEM tell us we should?! why do they want to?

who benefits from this? certainly not the children...


*for the record, my parents were awesome. i never went to forced daycare, my mom was lucky enough to work at home and be there for us 24/7, they fed us real food and taught us how to be respectful people with integrity and self-confidence. and practical frugality. sadly, however, i think they are not the norm. i truly hope to be as good with my kids as they were with us.

yeesh. i got a LOT done at work this morning (as i have been doing lately) and now i'm over it. bored. sick of working. looking for something to distract me.

the problem is, i'm almost too bored to seek out something interesting... i just want a nap. blah :\

this morning the baby was moving like cRaZy all over the place, bumping and poking and shifting and squirming. i don't know what got into her, except maybe she was fussing b/c i was starving. i completely overtaken by hunger around 11:15am and for some reason forced myself to wait until 12 for lunch. probably not the best idea.

i have been eating uber-healthy lately though, and that makes me happy. for lunch i've been having organic crackers and organic raw cheese, my daily apple, pineapple, some kimchee (some days), carrots (some days)... and then cookies. i have to have cookies. but i eat little ones and not a lot. i had sushi twice last week at lunch too, which always makes me feel great. and i've been really good at taking my iron and calcium supplements as i'm supposed to, and today i started eating a 45% iron DV organic cereal for breakfast instead of eggs and toast. i'd really prefer the eggs and toast, but i know exactly how much nutrition is in the cereal, so even though it's processed and imperfect, at least i'm getting the vitamins. dinner is more flexible, but i have been really good at eating dark leafy greens and lots of veggies with a big protein something or other (omelet, usually). i'm loving kale and sweet potatoes...

tonight is childbirth education class #3: complications of labor. weeee. this'll be a fun one i'm sure. today i read a birth story in which a woman had "uterine inversion" (holy CRAP-i mean, her story was rough anyway but damn), something i have not heard of before. seems like that would be one of the things they might mention in what to expect when you're expecting... or maybe they did and i skipped that part. i skipped most of that lame book.

anyway so uterine inversion is basically what happens when they do cord traction before the placenta has detached itself, and something like 15% who get it die from it! it can also happen naturally, however. really rare but quite fatal. reading another story from an intern's perspective completely grossed me out... the way they talk about how to fix it... *shudder* ah, complications. yes, this will be a grrrreat class today.

on another cheerful note, matt seems to have burned the bejesus out of one of his eyes yesterday whilst welding. he allegedly had his goggles on and whatnot, but apparently the UV light still got him, and now his eye is all f*cked up, red, and painful. ("Radiation in the ultraviolet range emitted by arc welders is absorbed by the unprotected cornea and lens, giving rise to a keratoconjunctivitis, or 'arc-eye,' which, though intensely painful, is not considered a threat to sight.") he's going to the doc about it this afternoon, though i can't imagine what they will do for him.

meh.

this is not technically pregnancy-related but whatever; i want a record of what we've put in the ground.

the original garden is still growing:
lettuces (3 kinds)
peas
carrots
spinach
onions (will probably die off)
potatoes
garlic?? i can't remember

the new gardens are planted with:
green beans
lima beans
okra
bell peppers
zucchini
yellow squash
cucumbers
beets
turnips
collards
swiss chard
green onions
sweet corn
(flour corn) - awaiting arrival
(tomatoes) - ditto
(eggplant) - ditto
(sweet potatoes) - awaiting season
(more spinach) - awaiting location

i'm pretty excited. matt seems to have a very green thumb--everything he plants grows. but that may just be because of the amount of crazy work he puts into getting perfect soil...