by which i mean desperate! i'm 40 weeks + 4 days today.
my cervix is ready, my home is ready, my brain is ready, and i'm having random sporadic contractions so apparently my uterus is ready... but rowan is still hanging in there. why?!
i know this isn't a question of dates--i've gone into that topic before ad nauseum, she's right on time--so i do not understand why she's waiting. i have run out of things to do around the house but we don't have the money for me to go be frivolous (instead i take a LOT of walks through the trail) but it's not boredom that's killing me (though i am bored); at this point i just want to meet her. now.
i've been talking to her trying to convince her it's time. i've been using the pump trying to stimulate contractions. i've been eating loads of pineapple, walking miles, visualizing the birth, ANYthing i can do to try to say "hey, it's time!" and here she sits.
yes, i'm whining. i want my baby!
and there is another... concern... regarding the fact that she's still in there. the birth center can only let us go until the 25th (42 weeks exactly) before we have to transfer to a hospital birth. but they don't really intend to do that, so if we get to 42 we will have a dilemma: either let the midwives break my water (artificial rupture of membranes-AROM) and attempt a birth at the birth center, which may end in transfer anyway, or accept that i will be birthing at AGH instead. this sounds like a no-brainer, but in fact it is a huge decision. to allow AROM is to put myself on a 24-hour timer; if we don't have a baby before that, i will be forced to go to AGH anyway, and will most likely end up a c-section because of the way the medical system works. however, if i decide to accept a past-42-weeks birth at AGH instead (and have no AROM) i may end up with a better chance of having a natural labor in the end. but it would be at the hospital, and we will probably have to fight for everything i want as far as natural birth goes. and the midwives, if they are even willing to attend me, will be sidelined as onlookers and nothing more. so. i get the distinct feeling that the midwives have no doubt they will be breaking the water if it comes down to it, but i am not so sure i want that. (sidenote: i have no idea what AGH/doc's protocol for "postterm" induction is--he can't force me to be induced but it's possible that they don't "let" moms go past 42 either and would fully expect to start a medical induction--pitocin, prostaglandins, AROM, or some combination--the same day anyway. if that is the case, the plot thickens further.)
i honestly don't think we will go that far (in part because i am NOT having a gemini baby--come the 18th i will be taking every herb known to man and doing my own acupuncture in attempt to "naturally" induce her), but it's something on my mind this week. as per protocol i am scheduled for a non-stress test and biophysical profile next wednesday so they can make sure the fluid levels are ok, she's "breathing" well, the placenta is good, etc, which basically just means i get an ultrasound and have electronic monitors strapped to my belly for an hour. should be great fun i'm sure. though i do have a sense of guilty excitement that i will get to see her again, even just on a screen. we'll know for sure that she is a she this time! (sorry rowan, i know you hate the ultrasound machine...)
i am going to try to put all my energy into willing us into labor tonight, and if need be, tomorrow. if anyone reads this, p l e a s e send me "labor vibes!" imagine me having contractions, imagine me in pain, imagine rowan WANTING OUT--whatever you have to do to add to the collective power of positive thinking. lol.
*sigh*
edit on posting: my water broke the night i wrote this. never doubt the power of the mind over the body!
my cervix is ready, my home is ready, my brain is ready, and i'm having random sporadic contractions so apparently my uterus is ready... but rowan is still hanging in there. why?!
i know this isn't a question of dates--i've gone into that topic before ad nauseum, she's right on time--so i do not understand why she's waiting. i have run out of things to do around the house but we don't have the money for me to go be frivolous (instead i take a LOT of walks through the trail) but it's not boredom that's killing me (though i am bored); at this point i just want to meet her. now.
i've been talking to her trying to convince her it's time. i've been using the pump trying to stimulate contractions. i've been eating loads of pineapple, walking miles, visualizing the birth, ANYthing i can do to try to say "hey, it's time!" and here she sits.
yes, i'm whining. i want my baby!
and there is another... concern... regarding the fact that she's still in there. the birth center can only let us go until the 25th (42 weeks exactly) before we have to transfer to a hospital birth. but they don't really intend to do that, so if we get to 42 we will have a dilemma: either let the midwives break my water (artificial rupture of membranes-AROM) and attempt a birth at the birth center, which may end in transfer anyway, or accept that i will be birthing at AGH instead. this sounds like a no-brainer, but in fact it is a huge decision. to allow AROM is to put myself on a 24-hour timer; if we don't have a baby before that, i will be forced to go to AGH anyway, and will most likely end up a c-section because of the way the medical system works. however, if i decide to accept a past-42-weeks birth at AGH instead (and have no AROM) i may end up with a better chance of having a natural labor in the end. but it would be at the hospital, and we will probably have to fight for everything i want as far as natural birth goes. and the midwives, if they are even willing to attend me, will be sidelined as onlookers and nothing more. so. i get the distinct feeling that the midwives have no doubt they will be breaking the water if it comes down to it, but i am not so sure i want that. (sidenote: i have no idea what AGH/doc's protocol for "postterm" induction is--he can't force me to be induced but it's possible that they don't "let" moms go past 42 either and would fully expect to start a medical induction--pitocin, prostaglandins, AROM, or some combination--the same day anyway. if that is the case, the plot thickens further.)
i honestly don't think we will go that far (in part because i am NOT having a gemini baby--come the 18th i will be taking every herb known to man and doing my own acupuncture in attempt to "naturally" induce her), but it's something on my mind this week. as per protocol i am scheduled for a non-stress test and biophysical profile next wednesday so they can make sure the fluid levels are ok, she's "breathing" well, the placenta is good, etc, which basically just means i get an ultrasound and have electronic monitors strapped to my belly for an hour. should be great fun i'm sure. though i do have a sense of guilty excitement that i will get to see her again, even just on a screen. we'll know for sure that she is a she this time! (sorry rowan, i know you hate the ultrasound machine...)
i am going to try to put all my energy into willing us into labor tonight, and if need be, tomorrow. if anyone reads this, p l e a s e send me "labor vibes!" imagine me having contractions, imagine me in pain, imagine rowan WANTING OUT--whatever you have to do to add to the collective power of positive thinking. lol.
*sigh*
edit on posting: my water broke the night i wrote this. never doubt the power of the mind over the body!
Posts
Post a Comment