last night i had my first "real" labor dream (i.e., one in which i experienced the whole thing from start to finish without any periods of unconsciousness or confusion). it all went very quickly and was completely without pain.
i'm not sure how it started, but suddenly i knew that she was about to arrive, and i was in the bathtub of the house i grew up in and my mom was there, so i told her quick to turn on the hot water and i sat down, knowing that i only had a few minutes left--there was no pain but i knew i was contracting, and i didn't have to push because it was all just happening--and i could feel her head coming out so i got on all fours and my mom caught her (then dropped her in the water), gave her to me, and all was fine. she was too big for a newborn, which i knew in the dream, but she was calm and there were no issues. the placenta came out a few minutes later. the midwives were in the next room still getting ready for the birth, and one of them poked their head in and saw me with the baby and she said something like "hold on we're almost ready for you" and i was thinking wtf? i just want to get out of the tub and into bed. and that's basically where it ended.
the interesting thing about this dream is that i was just talking to my mom yesterday about how i don't expect to want anyone, even her, in the room with me and matt and that i hope she isn't upset by that. i need to be as deep inside my animal-self as i can be, and i know that her presence will draw me into my mental-self and distract me slightly and that is the last thing i want to set myself up for. i've also read enough midwife-chatter to learn that many times the stress the grandmother is feeling at having to helplessly watch her child in pain translates into stress for the entire labor team. i imagine you become a pretty emotionally-connected group amidst a laboring woman, so i can see how that would be true. and i doubt my mom won't be able to sit quietly by and watch without trying to help, so unfortunately i am planning to keep everybody out unless i decide otherwise when the moment comes. it's not fair, and to an extent i am not giving her enough credit for her ability to handle crisis-type situations, but the fact is i KNOW how protective she is when anything threatens me or my sister, so in some way i am also trying to spare her the trauma of having to watch (and to spare myself the compound trauma of having to be in pain AND be in pain at watching her in pain because she's watching me in pain. see what i mean? it's easy to fall out the role of experiencer and into the role of observer/observed which as Odent says is terrible for facilitating natural birth).
so... that i would dream--in the first "successful" labor dream i've had--that my mom was the only one present is pretty interesting. i wonder where matt was? the midwives were too distracted "getting ready" for the birth to be there for it, and i get the feeling that i had no pain because i chose to have no pain. anyway, that was the dream.
as for "changes" i think perhaps rowan has "dropped" as of last night or this morning. i'm trying to figure out exactly what that is supposed to feel like, but i suddenly feel as though i have something pushing my pelvis apart ok now she's wiggling in two places, almost like there are more than one of her, and she's definitely not down in the pelvis. UNLESS her head is down there and her feet are splayed apart, each kicking one side of my belly. she can't pick a position and stick with it! i swear she rotates 10 times a day.
btw today is 36(+) weeks.
i'm not sure how it started, but suddenly i knew that she was about to arrive, and i was in the bathtub of the house i grew up in and my mom was there, so i told her quick to turn on the hot water and i sat down, knowing that i only had a few minutes left--there was no pain but i knew i was contracting, and i didn't have to push because it was all just happening--and i could feel her head coming out so i got on all fours and my mom caught her (then dropped her in the water), gave her to me, and all was fine. she was too big for a newborn, which i knew in the dream, but she was calm and there were no issues. the placenta came out a few minutes later. the midwives were in the next room still getting ready for the birth, and one of them poked their head in and saw me with the baby and she said something like "hold on we're almost ready for you" and i was thinking wtf? i just want to get out of the tub and into bed. and that's basically where it ended.
the interesting thing about this dream is that i was just talking to my mom yesterday about how i don't expect to want anyone, even her, in the room with me and matt and that i hope she isn't upset by that. i need to be as deep inside my animal-self as i can be, and i know that her presence will draw me into my mental-self and distract me slightly and that is the last thing i want to set myself up for. i've also read enough midwife-chatter to learn that many times the stress the grandmother is feeling at having to helplessly watch her child in pain translates into stress for the entire labor team. i imagine you become a pretty emotionally-connected group amidst a laboring woman, so i can see how that would be true. and i doubt my mom won't be able to sit quietly by and watch without trying to help, so unfortunately i am planning to keep everybody out unless i decide otherwise when the moment comes. it's not fair, and to an extent i am not giving her enough credit for her ability to handle crisis-type situations, but the fact is i KNOW how protective she is when anything threatens me or my sister, so in some way i am also trying to spare her the trauma of having to watch (and to spare myself the compound trauma of having to be in pain AND be in pain at watching her in pain because she's watching me in pain. see what i mean? it's easy to fall out the role of experiencer and into the role of observer/observed which as Odent says is terrible for facilitating natural birth).
so... that i would dream--in the first "successful" labor dream i've had--that my mom was the only one present is pretty interesting. i wonder where matt was? the midwives were too distracted "getting ready" for the birth to be there for it, and i get the feeling that i had no pain because i chose to have no pain. anyway, that was the dream.
btw today is 36(+) weeks.
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